DH refusing to consider me getting a boarder in (short term)

[ohblahdeeohblahdahlifegoeson]

Hoping to get some perspective on this as at the moment I feel annoyed that I am being told 'No' to something which doesn't outright affect him (in my opinion)

Short summary,
Husband works away, is home every 2nd weekend.
I'm a SAHM and enjoying it but not enjoying the lack of financial freedom.

I've seen an advert for short term accommodation needed in our area for seasonal workers and as we have plenty of space I thought it would be a great way for me to get a little spending / saving money.

Husband has said an outright no.
His reasoning is that he wouldn't feel safe having someone else in our house but I would only consider a female boarder in any case.

Ironically we live rurally so 90% of the time I here on my own with 2 children so if anything I would feel more safe having someone else live here!

PS, awesome husband, dad and provider in all other ways, I'm just annoyed about this!

I think it's fine as long as you've done the checks. I think if your in touch with the company that employs the seasonal worker
Maybe they will have all the info and can do the dbr checks too.

You'll need locks on yours and kids bedrooms too. Also check ground rules on crewfew, bathroom and kitchen use plus noise! Also fridge/food and cleaning. Might be good idea for cctv front and back of house. Then maybe husband will feel happier.

Good luck!

@MrsTerryPratchett
Lol
Yes as now I know .🤣
I have a few people that I’ll be sending that to.
Thanks
xx

I can understand his point of view, when he won't be there most of the time and you have dc, security wise, even a female lodger could cause problems bringing men home etc.

Presumably they'd be in the house when he's at home wanting to spend time with you and your dc.

I would be ok sharing my space with someone else, even if I was only in that space occasionally.

I definitely would not want my children living in a home with a boarder. I also wouldn’t want to allow for the introduction of guests the boarder might bring into the house.

there are other ways to earn money that don’t mean you lose your personal space or jeopardize your children’s safety.

op your going to attract people to a post when they have something to say. generally this can be to disagree. that doesnt mean that many havent done this or had lodgers,there are so many people having lodgers,boarders. there are whole websites dedicated to it.
so if its something you want to to dont give up simply becasue a middle of the night forum said so.
my aunti owns a farm and did this.
it was fine.
so fine that they ended up returning year upon year. as friends. and as helpers on their own famr in the end. one became a god parent and vice versa.
and so comfortable they ate with the farmers at breakfast in the home kitchen.
so its NOT ALL BAD.
is this a company that are organishing this, doing vhecks?

would he apporve of any kind of lodger,students,workaway travelers etc. someone who you could pick yourself.
is this a striaght no or is their more research into how it could work.
lodgers arent all bad.
seasonal workers certainly arent.
god the ones ive known are a dam site kinder,more polite an dharder working than those in this country!

If it was just me at home then no problem but I have a 13 year old daughter so it’s No.

I would feel very insecure with a lodger who wasn't family in my home. It just wouldn't feel like home anymore. Then there's the safety aspect too, especially with young children around.

So I am team DH. It would be a flat no from me. My home is my castle and it stays that way. I wouldn't want to share it with a stranger at all.

you do no this is how you used to get your groceries before brexit.
seasonal workers from other countries,

Glad you’re reconsidering. I too agree with your husband.

No advice for the lodger question but your nuts not to have a joint bank account as a SAHP, I assume he pays into a pension fund for you?

it might be better to get a female seasonal worker or someone who someone in a steady job for which they require a DBS check (teacher, youth worker, , consultant, carer).

it might be better for you to place the advertisement and interview a handful of people, taking up two references.

the other alternative is female students from a local uni or college. That way it might be term time only.

We had lodgers when I was a child, mainly postgraduate students. They had the attic bedroom but shared our bathroom and kitchen. They never spent time with us so I didn't feel like they were there a lot. If you want company maybe this isn't the best way.

I think it's understandable. Also even if your female border is fine, her friends or boyfriends might not be. It's perhaps silly, but I get it. Would he feel differently if it were someone you knew or that was a friend of a friend? Maybe that's the way to go?

If you live on a farm, how about offering doggy day care or boarding?

I have helpers living with us. I've done it for 13 years. Probably had somewhere near 150 people. Only a few ´living in our bit of the house. Some have stayed for up to 2 years.

Some have been amazing, some not. Started when the kids were 4&5. I have always listened to the kids re them feeling safe.

It would be a no from me purely because I wouldn’t want to be sharing my space.

my ex had a female lodger who ended up slapping one of his DSC.

oh and, ignore the perve who suggested only fans.

fwiw I would say no if my DH wanted to bring in a lodger, if he starts an only fans I would end the relationship.

OP you said lack of financial freedom which isn’t the same as lack of disposable income in the household

I thought it would be a great way for me to get a little spending / saving money.

Does your DH have spending/saving money?

You need to sort out that joint account - it's very important. If he dies (it happens) then you will have ZERO right to his funds and if you use a card in his name while you wait for probate then you'll be stealing from the estate. You shouldn't be using a card in his name.

Get it sorted.

Yes. Is the money there?

I think you should look into it OP. I have had lodgers for a number of years and it's a great way to boost the household income. Mine are predominantly male medical students on rotation at the local hospital.

If they are seasonal farm workers it's likely they are going to have long working hours. They might just need your house to shower and sleep. If you have an ensuite you can offer, all the better.
Find out how long the season is as at least you know they'll be leaving at the end of it.

This thread has surprised me as the responses are the polar opposite of all the people who opened up their homes to the refugees from Ukraine - at very short notice.

I'm not saying you have to do it but you can at least find out a little more information about what's expected from a host.

I wonder why you are TTC if money is tight. Not a good idea

I wouldn't want a boarder either. I'd hate the lack of privacy, I'd also worry about safety as you never know who you've invited into your home. Also you have a child which is a worry too with a stranger (s) in the house.
If you have a farm is there any other way to add to your business? Pumpkin field for Halloween? Delivering food boxes to locals? Or a mini farm shop ... not practical probably but they sort of thing where you can make money on top of your farming income

If you have space you could set up a seasonable campsite, rent out some spare buildings for storage, space for caravan or horse box parking, livery yard.

Myra Hindley was working with a man, same with Rose West. Women who murder kids, solely alone without male influence, are almost non existent.