Page 7 | Playdates there always one sided

Douse · 2023-02-05T15:05:43+00:00

Playdates always seem one sided for us . My children have friends over for tea and a play but the offer is never received back to the friends house . Its something that really bothers and makes me not want to carry on having playdates

ChildminderMum · 06/02/2023 22:43

RealBecca · 06/02/2023 20:12

Obviously no child should be living in a situation of domestic violence.

I get that there may be extenuating circumstances, I do. but I dont get why you dont seem to get that a child might well miss out if they arent invited back and why that is the friends parents fault and not the childs own parents fault.

It's an hour. Kids dont care if the housework is piled up, the dog can go outside for an hour, summer isnt cold, most parents that can't handle other people's kids and hide in the bedroom for and hour. not all. But most.

I dont get why the childs friends parents should be expected to host so someone elses child doesnt miss out.

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Surely you host so that your child doesn't miss out, not as a favour to other people?

I only care about my own child.

Your child just wants to play with their friend - they don't care that you think little Suzy's mum is a lazy freeloader. You're only punishing your own child by saying - no you can't have your friend round to play, her mum owes us.

Blessedwithsunshine · 07/02/2023 10:30

Strugglingtodomybest · 06/02/2023 14:29

@Blessedwithsunshine I'm afraid you sound like one of those mums who try to micromanage their children's friendships, normally so that they are only allowed to be friends with children whose parent's you approve of, aka, well off parents.

I agree with everything Nuffsaid and UsingChangeofName have said.

When my boys were at primary, I basically had an open door policy after school. I never saw the boys playing with their friends as 'playdates' to be reciprocated. I would feed them all one night of the week, but the rest of the time they needed to go home for dinner.

DS2 hardly ever went to his best friend's house, but it never bothered me as I found it easier to have other children round. It meant they would go out and play, or get the Lego out, or whatever, rather than nagging me to watch TV. They used to put on plays for us too... I miss those days!

Absolutely not micro managing any friendships- mine are too old and do their own thing now.
We are generous family and very welcoming but we are not door mats. I expect friends to pull their weight of course. Unless there are extenuating circumstances- otherwise it is pure free loading.

The play dates, sleepovers and outings really made a difference to both friendships and their childhood memories over the years. Children that have fun together tend to bond deeply, and it has always been noticeable to me the children that did not have invested parents.

It is important to be a good example in my view and not letting others take advantage of your kindness and generosity makes perfect sense to me when raising children. As a result I have well rounded teens with lots of friends and great social lives. It’s worked for us, friendships but with some boundaries 🕺

Blessedwithsunshine · 07/02/2023 10:35

ChildminderMum · 06/02/2023 22:43

Surely you host so that your child doesn't miss out, not as a favour to other people?

I only care about my own child.

Your child just wants to play with their friend - they don't care that you think little Suzy's mum is a lazy freeloader. You're only punishing your own child by saying - no you can't have your friend round to play, her mum owes us.

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I think you are missing the point. Suzy is not the only child that exists! There are lots of other children for dc to choose from, and if Suzy’s parents don’t do play dates, that’s fine, we will find another child to invite instead. So my child is not hurt and confused as the why she is never invited back - or feels there is something wrong with her or they don’t like her.
Suzy and dc can continue to enjoy playing at school but that doesn’t have to extend to either home.

SouperNoodle · 07/02/2023 10:36

Same for us! It's really frustrating

ChildminderMum · 07/02/2023 16:39

Blessedwithsunshine · 07/02/2023 10:35

I think you are missing the point. Suzy is not the only child that exists! There are lots of other children for dc to choose from, and if Suzy’s parents don’t do play dates, that’s fine, we will find another child to invite instead. So my child is not hurt and confused as the why she is never invited back - or feels there is something wrong with her or they don’t like her.
Suzy and dc can continue to enjoy playing at school but that doesn’t have to extend to either home.

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You sound a bit over-involved in your child's friendships

Blessedwithsunshine · 07/02/2023 17:58

ChildminderMum · 07/02/2023 16:39

You sound a bit over-involved in your child's friendships

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As mine are now young adults and pre teens thank goodness it’s not an issue. We definitely didn’t continue to entertain the Suzy’s of the works, they became school friends only, and it worked out just fine.

RealBecca · 08/02/2023 13:00

ChildminderMum · 06/02/2023 22:43

Surely you host so that your child doesn't miss out, not as a favour to other people?

I only care about my own child.

Your child just wants to play with their friend - they don't care that you think little Suzy's mum is a lazy freeloader. You're only punishing your own child by saying - no you can't have your friend round to play, her mum owes us.

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Exactly, I HOST SO THAT MY CHILD DOESNT MISS OUT.

And as a hosting parent, I can assure you that there are plenty of other children either than Suzy for my child to play with.

Aussiemum777 · 12/02/2023 20:04

You have every right to feel this way. You would like a kind hearted person. It’s common human decency and courtesy to return the play dates. You soon figure out who the takers and selfish people are and stop making time for them as they are not your type of people. I have raised a 22 yr old and a 12 yr old and been in this situation and I can tell the takers are not worth your time anymore. The kids also grow up to be selfish takers too from what’ve have seen.