I used to be one, who did the most play dates. I have an only child. Any working parents, who didn’t reciprocate often were busy, I understood. The one, who particularly upset me was the mum, who didn’t work or have other obligations and appeared to me as though she couldn’t be bothered to reciprocate even though our dds were firm friends.
One day, the girls came over to me after school and asked if they could have a play date at mine. They were year 1. I said go and ask your mum if she can do one at yours. So they bounded over and my dd came back in tears. In front of my dd she said ‘no, we need to invite x child first’. I am very obviously not a well person, nothing infectious btw, and this was really upsetting. It told me not only was it fine for me to have her dd but she didn’t think or care about mine at all. I knew this was code for NO btw and she never did invite my dd back.
I learned that day was the mum knew she should reciprocate for certain people, but dd and I didn’t matter. I had already forced her hand once before by texting her saying dd had been asking to go to theirs and maybe she could do a play date some time. No idea what the issue was but I stopped inviting the girl round until finally 2/3 years later dd was asked again by this friend. We then restarted play dates with me doing the lion’s share by far but it was easier as they were older and just needed feeding rather than more supervision.
As for x, she was the dd of a popular mum and the mum continued to have reciprocal play dates with x. She was all chatty and smiles, trying to make in roads to be part of that mum friendship group and it definitely made me feel like absolute shit on her shoe when she was monosyllabic with me. Neither friendship blossomed btw. As teens, my dd is still firm friends with the girl but neither really are with x.
I find people like friend’s mum really tricky to work out tbh. I don’t understand how someone can go from warm, chatty, all smiles with some to standoffish with others. Why make it so obvious who you do and don’t want to be friends with? Can’t you just be friendly? I’m not like this and endeavour just to get on with everyone. One of my family members is married to a woman, who seems to have a similar character to her. Their dc is a very lonely only child. She doesn’t like having people in the house and doesn’t do play dates. She doesn’t work either.
I don’t understand the mentality of not putting your child first to give them a well-rounded, happy childhood. Playmates are important developmentally. I wasn’t properly socialised as a young child, didn’t learn how to play with my peers, only older children and it had lasting damaging effect on me. I have always strived to make it easier for my dd and part of that is putting myself out.