Been caught at it by the kids

[EmpressOfTheSofa]

How the ever loving fuck do I live this down?

Middle child, 19, has just let herself not only into the house but into our room with three friends in tow.

We were in bed. It’s a very very rare Saturday that I’m not at work and the youngest is out. So obviously we made the most of it.

We heard her key in the door (she was at work until midnight as far as we knew), scrambled, but then she flung our bedroom door open to find us in a state of trying to throw clothes on. Two lads and another girl right behind her on the landing. She was looking for my straighteners to borrow. She thought we were out.

I’m fucking furious as well as embarrassed. But what the fuck. How do I deal with this? Is it our fault for not always expecting her home? Hers for having zero boundaries?

who is at fault here? And how should I approach this?

Could you get a lockable box to keep at least your perfume and expensive moisturiser in, so if she wants to borrow it she has to ask you - or earn the money to get some of her own.
Or just stop respecting her privacy and treat her like she treats you.

@piedbeauty

you are right it’s not on that a 19 year old has so little respect for a fellow adults space
its not even her house, it’s her parents

Trust me she'll be far more embarrassed than you are. She'll be absolutely mortified. Oldies don't shag 😂

@Keepyourmummysboys

u missing the bit about her barging into her mothers room and stealing all her stuff ?
She absolutely deserves a bollocking
id be fuming

She’ll be the housemate branded as a thief that nobody wants to live with when she goes to Uni or moves out. And barging into friends’ rooms will go down even worse than it has done today, in a safer space and with people far kinder to her than housemates or friends will be.

Today will have taught her a salutary lesson and I suspect you now need to reinforce it by making her move out, especially as she’s been so disrespectful to your relationship by calling it gross. Locks on everything including your cupboards and bedroom doors. She hasn’t learnt the basics at home and it’s time she moved out and had her edges knocked off by living with people who won’t tolerate either barging into people’s rooms or thieving for a second.

Goodness me do tell, where were you and what were you doing?

Exactly that , why a 19yrs old doesn’t knock?

@YukoandHiro

In the context of all her other incorrigible behaviour and her responses to complaints - yes, her response to the OP is gaslighting.

She has no boundaries whatsoever and will not accept any attempts to hold her accountable.

Either there's a very skewed dynamic in the family involving favoritism or she's a narcissist. Could be both problems.

She didn't catch you at it. She must know that you however occasionally have sex? You'd have done better to stay in bed than jump out and try to get dressed!

DH has just said that he thinks we are at fault. The kids should have free rein to come and go. Fuckeroo.

They shouldn’t have free reign to come and go into your room.

This should be used as an opportunity to go through her like a dose of the salts.

You are entitled to your privacy and to have your space respected. So is her brother.

humble brag.
who has a 19 y o and still has sex ? 😬

My 9 year old knows to knock on a closed door before entering! It's just good manners! This is on her, and if she's embarrassed she'll learn.
Don't say anything other than knock before entering a room

Erm, most people I’d imagine? how sad that you think this is odd.

Oh dear I'm sure she's just as embarrassed. But she shouldn't have just gone barging in. Put a lock on your door.

I had my first child at 20. Are you saying I shouldn't be having sex at 39?😳🤔

Christ on a bike 🙄

They weren’t in bed,at least not under the covers. As you’d know if you’d read the OP’s updates.

And you’ve missed the bit about the daughter’s utter disrespect for her mother’s space and possessions.

She's embarrassed you, not the other way round! Don't let her teenage pouting convince you otherwise.

I'd also be removing something of hers every time she 'borrows' something and telling her that's what you'll be doing.

I walked in on my parents when I was about 11, it was late at night and I'd been sick and needed my mum. It was horrific because of the position they were in 😫. We all pretended that nothing at all had happened and it was never mentioned. My parents locked their door after that, I don't blame them really and it meant we had to knock.

I think it's fairly normal for daughters to pinch things, I did it, my daughter does it when she's visiting and I don't mind. However she wouldn't dream of taking my knickers or anything like that. I think you need to put a lock on your door. Both sides. You're entitled to privacy and also not to have your 70 quid creams spaffed up the wall. Her boundaries are very blurred!

People that want to stay married and have a healthy sexual relationship I imagine. Maybe people that don’t let their teenagers ruin the entire household. lol

@Tigertigertigertiger

why wouldn’t parents of 19 year olds have sex?

genuinely curious!

I have a 35 year old snd have fantastic sex you complete idiot!!!

DH has just said that he thinks we are at fault. The kids should have free rein to come and go. Fuckeroo.

So you should never have sex just in case your adult daughter comes home and waltzes into your bedroom to take something that doesn't belong to her?

Er no. I propose that your kids have too much free reign over your house.

Yay, if this is anything to go by, il be done shagging by the time I'm 37😕