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Original poster

Been caught at it by the kids

366 replies

EmpressOfTheSofa · 04/02/2023 16:11

How the ever loving fuck do I live this down?

Middle child, 19, has just let herself not only into the house but into our room with three friends in tow.

We were in bed. It’s a very very rare Saturday that I’m not at work and the youngest is out. So obviously we made the most of it.

We heard her key in the door (she was at work until midnight as far as we knew), scrambled, but then she flung our bedroom door open to find us in a state of trying to throw clothes on. Two lads and another girl right behind her on the landing. She was looking for my straighteners to borrow. She thought we were out.

I’m fucking furious as well as embarrassed. But what the fuck. How do I deal with this? Is it our fault for not always expecting her home? Hers for having zero boundaries?

who is at fault here? And how should I approach this?

OP posts:
Liz1tummypain · 04/02/2023 18:46

She's 19 so she probably knows how she came into being. I'd just ignore it and don't mention it again. I doubt she'll ever say anything, the thought of our parents having sexy time is pretty gross.

been and done it. · 04/02/2023 18:46

EmpressOfTheSofa · 04/02/2023 17:55

Don’t even get me started. Socks, knickers, bras. Even nice ones. All ‘borrowed’.

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I'd get a lock on the door cheeky mare.

Cocobutt · 04/02/2023 18:46

We heard her come in the door, scrambled for clothes and shouted ‘we’re upstairs’ but did not expect the door to be banged right open immediately.

If I heard someone shout “I’m upstairs” to me that’s an indication that they want me to come up into that room.

Like if I knocked and someone said “I’m in the garden” I would automatically go to the garden.

At least you weren’t having sex and then they walked in on you.

oakleaffy · 04/02/2023 18:46

@EmpressOfTheSofa It’s “gross and disgusting “ of her to A) Enter your room without being told it was ok, and for her to be borrowing your Underwear??That’s really bloody creepy
A cashmere Jumper, Ok
Underwear?

No!!!!
Underwear is so personal.

BMW6 · 04/02/2023 18:48

You have nothing to be embarrassed about, this is all her fault!

As for her taking and using other people's things without permission I'd be telling her to get out as it's been going on for years. And don't ever let her have a key when she's gone.

If you won't make her leave then put locks on your and your sons doors but not on hers.

This behaviour is abhorrent and must be stopped. Who the fuck does she think she is?!

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 04/02/2023 18:48

MeanCanadianLady · 04/02/2023 18:21

That’s really cute. You have sex under the duvet all nice like. 😂 Is it missionary for you every single time?

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What a dickish comment

Cocobutt · 04/02/2023 18:48

your dad and I were shagging as you were out

I assume you don’t have kids as one would be so vile to their child.

MeanCanadianLady · 04/02/2023 18:50

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 04/02/2023 18:48

What a dickish comment

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You’re right. I said in a following comment that it was a mean thing to say. Sorry @fanjosaysi

applebee33 · 04/02/2023 18:50

My 13 yr old dd walked in on me giving dh a blowjob , it was hands down the most terrifying sickening thing to ever happen to us ! It was late at night she had been in bed about 3 hrs school night and we sleep downstairs she didn't knock just came in and stood frozen to the spot whilst we jumped out of our skin , then I kind of shouted what the hell are you doing not knocking and she ran out in tears I felt awful and dh left me to go speak to her . She said it was disgusting and I apologied for what she saw but explained that me and her dad love each other very much and we have our alone time very occasionally . Lucky for us the room was in darkness and the only light came through when she opened the door

We laugh about it now but at the time dh couldn't bear a bj for months after because he was so traumatised

EarringsandLipstick · 04/02/2023 18:54

Oh @applebee33 that's terrible! For all of you.

I think though that in retrospect DC who do have these encounters must be glad to know their parents had a happy & loving relationship?

BatshitBanshee · 04/02/2023 18:56

EmpressOfTheSofa · 04/02/2023 18:13

I have tried everything over the years. Bollockings, groundings, taking stuff away; even buying her the same things so she has her own. She is a magpie and I’ve never been able to make her have respect for other peoples space. If you have an answer I’d love to hear it.

Her room is her own. And I’ve kept that as a hard line because I can’t see how I can set my own boundaries if I’m invading hers. But that’s just led to her being precious about her own and not about anyone else’s. Her brothers’ stuff is also apparently fair game. She would lose her shit if someone took her stuff or went in her room.

DH has just said that he thinks we are at fault. The kids should have free rein to come and go. Fuckeroo.

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She's not a magpie, she's a covetous thief and your poor DS having to put up with this because her parents won't tackle it.

jenniferjane · 04/02/2023 18:57

Ask her if she would like it if you just walked into her bedroom without knocking. I have grown up sons, and I always knock on their door, they respect our privacy too.

pinkfondu · 04/02/2023 18:57

Haha I doubt she'll do it again. In fact you should comment that now she knows what expect you won't be hiding tge whips and chains either anymore!

Patineur · 04/02/2023 18:59

Cocobutt · 04/02/2023 18:48

your dad and I were shagging as you were out

I assume you don’t have kids as one would be so vile to their child.

What's vile about that? A 19 year old must be well aware that her parents shag, and they're hardly likely to be traumatised at the concept.

MeanCanadianLady · 04/02/2023 18:59

pinkfondu · 04/02/2023 18:57

Haha I doubt she'll do it again. In fact you should comment that now she knows what expect you won't be hiding tge whips and chains either anymore!

This comment is pure gold.

LuckySantangelo35 · 04/02/2023 19:00

whataboutsecondbreakfast · 04/02/2023 17:53

And what 19 year old wants to think about their parents sex life? Hmm

She may be in the wrong but that doesn't mean she can't find the whole thing absolutely mortifying.

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@whataboutsecondbreakfast

maybe that’s a good thing that’s she’s mortified- she might start respecting her mothers space more. Lesson learned for her hopefully

smileladiesplease · 04/02/2023 19:01

She's an adult and should act accordingly towards you as adults. She's 19 not 9 don't barge in!

You have the moral high ground tell her to learn some manners (bloody funny though I bet her friends think you are legends )

Minimalme · 04/02/2023 19:02

Her respect for other people is appalling.

She is an adult and is stealing.

Having her friends trail after her into her parents bedroom is so entitled.

You can stop this by telling her she either respects you or she moves out.

dapsnotplimsolls · 04/02/2023 19:05

Your DH thinks it's fine because she's not 'borrowing' his stuff. Maybe you should start hiding his stuff and ask him how he feels about it?

Ncgirlseriously · 04/02/2023 19:05

She takes your stuff and busts in on you but YOU'RE the gross one? Your daughter is a whingey tea leaf, I wouldn’t put up with that.

But also, get a lock!

Whyareblokesonhere · 04/02/2023 19:06

Tell her you and dad are both frustrated as you hadn't finished, can she pop to the shops later to get some milk to give you half an hour? The Google sex pods and print them out (assuming there is such a thing) don't need to address it but you could have some fun with it now

smileladiesplease · 04/02/2023 19:10

I can't be doing with the mortifying bollocks. If your kids don't know you have and enjoy sex it's ridiculous. Ffs she's 19! You are treating her as a child. Stop

YukoandHiro · 04/02/2023 19:10

She will be WAAAY more embarrassed than you.

But she's also an adult. So quietly apologise for putting her in a cringey position but ask that she always knocks before entering your room. And never mention it again.

U1sce · 04/02/2023 19:11

Id be absolutely furious, with all of it.

Id start going into her room, and let her know exactly how it feels to have your space violated. If she doesnt like it, then she needs to treat you and she wishes to be treated herself.

Id also start prepping her to move out, as I really couldnt live with someone who acts this way about boundaries and consent. If your dh is backing her up, Id be doing to him what she does to you as well - see how he likes it.

Pair of entitled whatsits

Patineur · 04/02/2023 19:14

YukoandHiro · 04/02/2023 19:10

She will be WAAAY more embarrassed than you.

But she's also an adult. So quietly apologise for putting her in a cringey position but ask that she always knocks before entering your room. And never mention it again.

Why on earth should OP apologise? She didn't put her DD in a cringey position, DD did that all by herself.