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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you get upset if people say your kids look only like their dad ?

171 replies

jumparooound · 04/02/2023 10:55

Lighthearted, but a little serious.

I feel like people never / hardly say my kids look like me. They're both still little. A baby and a 3 year old.

I laugh it off, but it's uncomfortable inside sometimes.

I know of two dads, that actually get upset ( the wives have told me ) about people always saying their kids look like their wife.

The other day my H's aunt said that both kids look like H and have nothing from me. My kids are super cute ( of course I would say that ). I felt a bit like ' yeah of course they don't look like this ugly fucker ' ( me ).

Anyway, for what it's worth, I actually do think they're a mix and they change so much all the time anyway.

But yeah I am not actually ugly ( generally speaking ) and it would be nice if some of my DNA rubbed off on my kids. Anyway this is a silly post.

OP posts:

electricmoccasins · 04/02/2023 21:23

I love how much my daughter looks like her father.

JRWM · 04/02/2023 22:06

I’ve spent my life being told I look like my Dad - I adore my Dad, yes I look like him, but as a daughter being told you look like a man isn’t the greatest for confidence!

People say my Baby looks like his Dad, I get what OP is saying, but to be fair neither me nor my husband can work out who our bub resembles - he has his own look which is lovely!

Caramelsmadfuzzytail · 04/02/2023 22:07

Neither of my boys look like me or their dad's. Ds1 looked scarily like his paternal grandad when he was born though. They are a combination of their fathers and my features. Ds2 has his sperm donors nose, poor sod.
The only time I looked like my mother, was when I had a perm. I have never permed my hair since.
Nobody would know they are my kids, even standing next to them.

Mumof3andshattered · 04/02/2023 22:20

No I don't get upset because I'm not petty, childish or self centred. My kids are all 100% their dad in looks. Who cares ??

One theory is that children do tend to look more like their fathers (especially when young) as nature's way of creating a bond. Women tend to have that overwhelming maternal bond from the moment they know they're pregnant, men don't

In any event...please grow up

HeddaGarbled · 04/02/2023 22:30

My daughter is the absolute spit of her dad. Got my massive intellect and winning personality though, so it’s not all bad.

SwingandaPrayer · 04/02/2023 22:37

As my DS is an egg donation gift, I always giggle inside when anyone says he looks like me. He is the spitting image of his dad which I'm so glad about and I am usually quite honest when anyone says he looks nothing like me!

huuskymam · 04/02/2023 22:39

No cause there's not a bit of my dh in the kids. All 3 are definitely from my side of the family.

Molkomad · 04/02/2023 22:48

I'm always told how both of mine (DS 6 & DD 4) look so much like my DH. It doesn't really bother me. I'm only 5ft 1 and they're both very petite and still in smaller clothes for their age so I guess they've got that from me. As they're getting older I can see more of their cousins from my side in them. DS likes the comments of them looking like him but I don't think he'd be bothered if he was told how much they look like me

elliejjtiny · 04/02/2023 22:54

No I don't. It's true anyway. All of them except for ds2 are clones of their dad. But when I look at photos of me as a teenager I look like ds2 in a wig! There are bits of their personalities that come from me though. And ds5 has a way of walking that looks like my dad.

UsingChangeofName · 04/02/2023 22:56

No. I'm not sure why I would be upset.
dc1, in particular always looked like his Dad. Not sure why that would upset me.

Why is it odd to want your kids to also resemble you ? I thought that was a natural thing.
Not really. I want my dc to be their own, independent people.
There's lots of things I wanted them to be - kind, funny, etc - but at no point did I ever want them to look like me.

K37529 · 04/02/2023 23:01

Everyone always comments on how my kids look like their dad and tbh it does bother me that they don't look remotely like me. I don't know why it bothers me, it's silly but it does. I'm pregnant and really hoping this one's like me but probably another clone of their dad 😂

LakeTiticaca · 04/02/2023 23:37

It wouldn't bother me really. I know they are mine 😉 but things can change. When I was young I looked like my dad but fast forward 40 years and looking in the mirror, all I can see is my mother's face

Sealover123 · 04/02/2023 23:40

We don't have children yet but if we do I want them to look just like my DH. 🥰

SarahAndQuack · 04/02/2023 23:50

When DD was little I really wondered about this, as I've heard that babies look very like their dads as an evolutionary adaptation - if a dad sees his child looks like him, he will be reassured it's his child and so will look after it!

In all honesty, though, I think I am conclusive proof people see (and say!) what they want to see. I'm not my DD's biological mum, but people constantly told me she looked like me when she was a baby. If people saw me and DP together they would tell us she looked like both of us (?!). And when I used to spend time with our dear friend, who is a single mum who had a baby at around the same time, a few people told us the baby looked so like me and my friend!

I think people use that conversation about 'the baby looks so like you/her/him' as a way to reassure new parents that they are accepted. I don't think people even do this consciously.

Blablablablaba · 04/02/2023 23:54

Some obvs do look so like their dads though! It doesn't bother me much but I do sometimes wish they looked a bit more like me.

My eldest I can see why folk say she's like her dad more than me but other people that don't know dh say she's like me. I think as she gets older and her hair is getting darker (like mine) people will say it more.

Youngest I don't think looks like either of us but she is quite like her sister.

Sceptre86 · 21/03/2023 23:59

It annoys me a little. I heard it with dd1 who looks nothing like her dad. She has certain mannerisms, pulls the same face when she is less than impressed though so maybe that is why? With my son it is justified as he is a darker skinned version of his dad. I have heard it again most recently with my third child and she does bare some similarity to her dad in terms of eye shape but at the moment at least does favour me. Always tends to be dh's side of the family that say it as though they need to lay claim to them. I do try to remember that dh's mum and gran obviously do remember what he looked like as a baby and since I've not seen many photos maybe they are a better judge than me? To be honest I think it's just a clumsy way of making conversation sometimes and not necessarily meant in a nasty way.

I imagine you'll get a mix of responses and it's OK if it does upset you even if others aren't bothered by it.

IrisM22 · 22/03/2023 00:45

My daughter was my double as a baby, now she looks like her dad. My six month old son looks nothing like either of us (in my opinion). It doesn't bother me at all, I saw them both come out of me so I'm 100% sure they're mine and they share 50% of their DNA with me.

NumberTheory · 22/03/2023 01:18

It doesn't bother me. Part of it is that people see what they want to and what they're used to - we see my DH's family more than mine and they are bound to see more of DH in our kids than they see of me. (Also, DD1 is the spit of him. We have baby photos of both her and DH when they were a week old each and you cannot tell which is which.)

I know they're my kids, it doesn't bother me if they look like me or if people think they look like me. I don't really see why it would be imporant.

womblesofwimbledon5 · 22/03/2023 01:28

I wanted my children to look like their dad, a mini version of the one you love is the way I saw it!

NumberTheory · 22/03/2023 01:41

womblesofwimbledon5 · 22/03/2023 01:28

I wanted my children to look like their dad, a mini version of the one you love is the way I saw it!

That's such a sweet perspective!

AppleandSpice · 22/03/2023 11:08

I’ve got one that looks more like me, one that looks more like dh (although not clones) and one in the middle that looks like neither of us. All three don’t really look like each other either!
Doesn’t bother me who people think they look like.

I know someone who is a bit obsessed with looking like other family members and having her dcs as her ‘mini me’s’ it’s a term she uses often. I don’t see what she she sees. She can get quite offended though of differing opinions. but tbh I really don’t think it matters and not something that I could get upset about. Just let the kid be their own person.

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