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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do you get upset if people say your kids look only like their dad ?

171 replies

jumparooound · 04/02/2023 10:55

Lighthearted, but a little serious.

I feel like people never / hardly say my kids look like me. They're both still little. A baby and a 3 year old.

I laugh it off, but it's uncomfortable inside sometimes.

I know of two dads, that actually get upset ( the wives have told me ) about people always saying their kids look like their wife.

The other day my H's aunt said that both kids look like H and have nothing from me. My kids are super cute ( of course I would say that ). I felt a bit like ' yeah of course they don't look like this ugly fucker ' ( me ).

Anyway, for what it's worth, I actually do think they're a mix and they change so much all the time anyway.

But yeah I am not actually ugly ( generally speaking ) and it would be nice if some of my DNA rubbed off on my kids. Anyway this is a silly post.

OP posts:

Original poster

jumparooound · 04/02/2023 11:12

LoopDiL00p · 04/02/2023 11:10

I've got two boys, an 8 month old and a 3 year old and they're both the spitting image of their Dad. I don't mind people saying it, it's obvious to anyone.

I find it a bit odd when people say the boys look more like me. It comes across as patronising, even if that wasn't the intention.

Maybe they see you more in them ?

My cousins baby, everyone says it's she looks like her mum 100 percent and I just don't see it. I see the dad !

OP posts:

Firecarrier · 04/02/2023 11:13

Really don't get why onearth this would bother anyone.

Personally I wanted mine to look like their Dad, you surely want them to look like the person you love enough to procreate with?

One of them looks absolutely nothing like him though and also completely different personality etc

Johnnysgirl · 04/02/2023 11:14

Not at all, I say it too. They really do. They're all gorgeous 😁

Giveaschitt · 04/02/2023 11:15

I'm sure I've read somewhere that it's by design that babies all look like their fathers initially - something to do with cavemen not rejecting them etc... Can't remember the detail but it sounds like something that could be true and was what I always told myself 😂 ds is older now and has a lot of my features...

CoffeeBeansGalore · 04/02/2023 11:15

DD1 has the fair colouring of DH's family, but also same as my DF & sis. MiL always went on about how much DD1 looked like SiL (she really didn't).
When I had DD2 I had the comment "Well I don't know who she looks like but it's none of mine".

She was & is the spitting image of me.

It was a subtle implication that she wasn't dh's child! (Absolutely is his).

Kitcaterpillar · 04/02/2023 11:16

Mine looks just like her dad. Sadly she's also got his size 13 feet, absolute flippers on her, poor little thing.

People sometimes say she looks like me but I know they're just being nice. It doesn't really matter, she has a lot of me in her personality.

MargaretThursday · 04/02/2023 11:17

Generally doesn't bother me.
Dd1 is a mixture
Dd2 is my side all the way
Ds is a mini dh to a point people who know one recognise the other.

However when dd1 was little mil used to equate every little tiny thing to her side. Blue eyes (we both have them)-just like dh, small feet-dm always has small feet (I have small feet), the way she moved/spoke/ate/slept etc was always someone on her side of the family. Because it was all the time and every little bit it really got to the point it grated.
I remember one conversation when we'd had a whole weekend of this when dd1 was nearly 2yo.

We were going to the park and I put out my hand to take dd1's hand to cross the road. She didn't want to hold my hand so put her hands behind her back.

MIL: Oh... oh... oh look! Dh's bro used to walk around with his hands behind his back all the time. She's doing exactly the same. Just like him she is.
Me: She's put her hands behind her back because she doesn't want to hold my hand. She doesn't do it all the time.
MIL: He did that too...

I think FIL, who is generally more perceptive probably had a word with her after that because she was never as bad again.

DarkDarkNight · 04/02/2023 11:18

It wouldn’t bother me. It’s a bit odd to actively want your children to look like you I think. He looks more like my side of the family, but is so photogenic unlike me.

Original poster

jumparooound · 04/02/2023 11:19

DarkDarkNight · 04/02/2023 11:18

It wouldn’t bother me. It’s a bit odd to actively want your children to look like you I think. He looks more like my side of the family, but is so photogenic unlike me.

Why is it odd to want your kids to also resemble you ? I thought that was a natural thing.

OP posts:

Coldilox · 04/02/2023 11:20

I find it funny when people say my son looks like me as he isn’t biologically mine, I was pregnant with him but he is made from my wife’s egg.

He is a clone of my wife. Everybody says so. Doesn’t bother me at all, I live that he looks like her.

mynameiscalypso · 04/02/2023 11:20

It's a long running joke in our family that my DS looks exactly like my DH and my niece looks exactly like my SIL. We have decided that our family's genes must be very weak. It's not a judgement at all, just the truth.

TheOtherBoleynGirls · 04/02/2023 11:21

No. It’s the truth - DS is literally a shrunken version of his dad and the only thing he appears to have inherited from me is short sightedness.

JanBlue · 04/02/2023 11:21

My 4 are all teens/adults now but it is a standing joke amongst us that according to mil, they are 100% their dad. I was clearly a simple vessel and they did not inherit 50% of their DNA from me 😁

Dinogeorge · 04/02/2023 11:21

Aside from his eyes and skin colour, my DS looks nothing like me and everything like his DF, and people could see it from a week old. I don’t mind at all and it makes me laugh when people comment on it because it’s so true.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 04/02/2023 11:22

no, it doesn't.
it's a silly game people like to play. I'd care if they said my kids look like the postman 😳

but
a, we mainly have boys, so people would say they looked like dad (habit? politeness? small talk?)
b, DD used to look like a mix of MIL and I, but now she's mini-me
c, DS4 has always looked like my dad, but people would never say that because they don't know my dad
d, DH & I are similar in terms of shape of face & nose, eye & skin colour etc (I'm not yet catching up with his beard though!🤣) so leaning either way is not really a big leap
e, people will say daft & meaningless stuff all the time, you gotta just ignore most of it🤷‍♀️

DS2 is now 19 and he is the spitting image of DH, he really always looked liked him for the comparable age.

SpinningFloppa · 04/02/2023 11:22

DarkDarkNight · 04/02/2023 11:18

It wouldn’t bother me. It’s a bit odd to actively want your children to look like you I think. He looks more like my side of the family, but is so photogenic unlike me.

Such a weird comment, why is it odd to want your children to look like you?

Lostinplaces · 04/02/2023 11:23

It would occur to me care.

Telephome · 04/02/2023 11:23

jumparooound · 04/02/2023 11:19

Why is it odd to want your kids to also resemble you ? I thought that was a natural thing.

Show quote history

Is it?

I've heard the theory about babies looking like fathers so that the males accept them, but never heard about it being the same for mothers.

All my kids look like their dad and nothing like me, but they do have many of my personality traits.

crumpet · 04/02/2023 11:23

Doesn’t bother me in the slightest- it’s fun to see whether there are resemblances to one or the other side for eg family, but mannerisms, posture, character could equally have indications. Also children do change as they get older and other facial similarities may become apparent. I know someone who looks nothing like his parents but is the spitting image of a great-something grandfather in 1890.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 04/02/2023 11:24

*no, it doesn't bother me

(somehow missed the last bit earlier!)

xJoy · 04/02/2023 11:24

Wait and see op. My DC1 started out looking like her dad and dc2 was like me but now with their young adult faces, it's reversed.

MadameSzyszkoBohusz · 04/02/2023 11:25

No, because they do! They've got the odd thing from me - face shape, frame (DD is looking like she's going to develop my figure, DS seems to have the height and long skinny limbs that my grandad and uncle have, rather than DH's stockier build) - but in every other way they're carbon copies of their dad.

Testina · 04/02/2023 11:25

“I don't think it's about being insecure. It's probably a deeper thing of wanting to pass your genetics down to your kids.”

That theory doesn’t hold water. Women know who their kids are. So there is deep explanation for you - so I’d say it’s insecurity or a shallow sense of wanting to be the most important parent.

I say women know… my two are IVF. Family joke about a clinic mix up because she’s her dad in looks and personality and has nothing of me! Which is fine.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 04/02/2023 11:26

The looks thing doesn't bother me but the bullshit personality stuff that mil comes out with is annoying.
E.g ds says something...."ooooh he's confident that's from our side that"
Shut up you dick.

Lampzade · 04/02/2023 11:26

I have three. Two dds and one dd.
They all look like my dh/ or his family
It doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I actually find it quite funny

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