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Original poster

Do you get upset if people say your kids look only like their dad ?

171 replies

jumparooound · 04/02/2023 10:55

Lighthearted, but a little serious.

I feel like people never / hardly say my kids look like me. They're both still little. A baby and a 3 year old.

I laugh it off, but it's uncomfortable inside sometimes.

I know of two dads, that actually get upset ( the wives have told me ) about people always saying their kids look like their wife.

The other day my H's aunt said that both kids look like H and have nothing from me. My kids are super cute ( of course I would say that ). I felt a bit like ' yeah of course they don't look like this ugly fucker ' ( me ).

Anyway, for what it's worth, I actually do think they're a mix and they change so much all the time anyway.

But yeah I am not actually ugly ( generally speaking ) and it would be nice if some of my DNA rubbed off on my kids. Anyway this is a silly post.

OP posts:
redskydelight · 04/02/2023 12:45

I would find it odd if people thought DS looked like me.
Because he's the spitting image of his dad and really doesn't look like me at all.

TheBigWangTheory · 04/02/2023 12:47

No, of course I don't. People are giving their own subjective opinion on a childs looks, why would you ever be upset about that?

CocoPlum · 04/02/2023 12:51

DD looks absolutely nothing like me, never has. But those who know us know we have almost identical personalities. Outside she is entirely her dad but inside she is pure me. As time goes on you'll start to see everything your DC have got from you, trust me.

TrishM80 · 04/02/2023 12:56

Could be worse, the kids could look like the local postman.

LT2 · 04/02/2023 12:59

No. I love that he looks like my husband. Maybe the next one will take after me more! But really I don't mind.

Tyrannicalthreeyearold · 04/02/2023 13:00

TrishM80 · 04/02/2023 12:56

Could be worse, the kids could look like the local postman.

DH said he had an odd one out brother whose first word was postman (delayed speech but worth waiting for). Always made me chuckle.

SerafinasGoose · 04/02/2023 13:04

My husband's sister often said this, with a sly sideways glance and an comment of 'oooh, I hope I haven't offended you?'

Me: 'Why would I be offended? He does look like his dad'.

Her: 'Ooooh, [other SiL] gets very annoyed when we say that to her!' [then why say it?]

Me: 'Did you mean to be offensive?'

Her: 'of course not'.

Me: 'no issue then, is there?'

Must be very annoying when an attempt to be snide is met with complete indifference. And no matter who DC might look like, they still know who their mother is.

DietrichandDiMaggio · 04/02/2023 13:12

Surely it's more of an issue for men, because it's questioning whether they are the father?

ChicCroissant · 04/02/2023 13:19

My daughter looks like her dad, it is often commented on and I don't mind at all.

Johnnysgirl · 04/02/2023 13:20

DietrichandDiMaggio · 04/02/2023 13:12

Surely it's more of an issue for men, because it's questioning whether they are the father?

I don't think many men question whether they're the father when their child resembles their mother.
Or are so insecure that they'd read this into a stranger's throwaway comment.

TwinsAndTiramisu · 04/02/2023 13:27

What a weird, weird OP.

You're upset because you think your children are "super cute" by people saying they don't look like you, they are calling you ugly.

I'd get the angle that they are half of you, you love them so much and it's hard not to hear others see any of you in them.

But this is "I think my kids are extremely pretty and I'm not getting credit for it, and let me tell you I'm not ugly."

This is so odd and self absorbed.

DietrichandDiMaggio · 04/02/2023 13:30

don't think many men question whether they're the father when their child resembles their mother.
Or are so insecure that they'd read this into a stranger's throwaway comment.

Just going off the OP, who says she knows men who are upset by it.

noworklifebalance · 04/02/2023 13:30

One DC looks like my DH and one like neither of us (or the milkman). Couldn’t give a monkey’s, they are the most beautiful children in the world (IMO) and can be total PITA (fact).

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 04/02/2023 13:35

I find it weird that everyone says DD looks like me and DS is the clone of his dad, I would say the opposite. Put DS and his DF next to each other they look nothing alike, baby photos nope, it seems only because as he's a boy they say that. My DD does look like me a bit but she's definitely DF side of the family as she gets older and that's fine.

cheapskatemum · 04/02/2023 13:38

People do say this & I don't get upset. Partly because everyone knows I'm their Mum, so it's good that they also know for sure DH is their Dad Grin. Also, they are DSs, I might feel a bit different if we had any DDs.

shard5 · 04/02/2023 13:39

It only grated on my nerves when mil and sil just wouldn't let up about how my eldest was so like even the most distantly related relative on their side just to deny that he might actually be a carbon copy of my youngest dsis.
They just couldn't accept that my kids might resemble my side of the family a little.
Sil once took my D's into work with her just to show them how alike they were only for her co workers to put her in her place and remind her that they were nothing alike. Face shape, hair colour even the eyes were different but not to them.
With my second I grew a tougher skin and just let it all go over my head

OnGoldenPond · 04/02/2023 13:42

My mum said people always say babies look just like their Dads to reassure the men that the baby is really theirs. This apparently is an old tradition Grin

HeavenIsAHalfpipe · 04/02/2023 13:46

IME, it's usually the family (and friendship circle) of the father of the child who say this, to try and take 'ownership' of the child, and convince themselves he is definitely the father etc etc. Especially as in most cases, the child will be closer to the family of the mother of the child, than they will to the family of the father of the child...

I would never get offended. But it did used to irk me when DH's mother and his aunt and his parents neighbours used to point at my kids and say 'oh yeah, they are a Williams all right (DH's name.) Spitting image of their father.' And they even said they couldn't see me in there at all. Utterly laughable as my kids 100% look like me, and nothing like DH at all. The toddler/infant pics of them, and the ones of me from 25-30 years earlier look like they are all the same child...

Saying the baby looks just like his dad (even when they don't) often stems from insecurity on the side of the father of the child's family.

HeavenIsAHalfpipe · 04/02/2023 13:47

OnGoldenPond · 04/02/2023 13:42

My mum said people always say babies look just like their Dads to reassure the men that the baby is really theirs. This apparently is an old tradition Grin

Cross post! Yep, pretty much what I just said.

Zanatdy · 04/02/2023 13:49

My middle child looks absolutely nothing like me, at all. His dad is Asian, and he looks identical. Same skin tone. Our daughter looks much more like me and her skin is much lighter and she’s got blue eyes. It’s just genetics. It’s a fact he doesn’t look like me, why would it upset me?

DelilahJane · 04/02/2023 13:51

It doesn't bother me because it's true, DD has his looks and my attitude.

My cousin's wife used to cry when people told her how much her DS looked like his dad. He is a carbon copy Of the most beautiful wee boy

UdoU · 04/02/2023 14:57

You are passing on your genetics, they’re half yours!

People can get very weird about these things. I once offended a woman by saying she looked like her mum (who is a lovely woman). 🤷🏻‍♀️

oceanbleu · 04/02/2023 15:01

It doesn't bother me in the slightest. I actually like that DC looks like their father.

IHeartGeneHunt · 04/02/2023 15:01

My daughter looks like a very small mix of her father and my middle brother. Absolutely bog all like me. I don't care, she's beautiful.

Thatcatisdrivingmenuts · 04/02/2023 15:34

No, and anyway people say all kinds of crap and see what they prefer to see.