To ask mums of 3 this?

[Tiddlywinx]

how is the Jump from2/3? Did it make you want to have 4? How’ve you coped financially? Any regrets?

2 kids here (3.5 and 1) 35 late next year. My heart yearns for another baby, I know it’s a MN taboo but I just feel that way. I have one sibling and always desperately wanted more. Big families on both sides and always was envious of that bond.

let’s get to the nitty gritty… we have an average mortgage on a 4 bed house, like many I suppose the average mortgage will increase, would want a 3 year gap, eldest would be in school and 3 year old would be on funded hrs, which covers 8:45-3;30 (£5 for lunch), so I guess would start trying when I was 34.5, after tax and deductions (protection, pension, HI, IP, CIC etc) we get around 5.3k per month. We both have 9/10 to ease childcare costs and family to help also. We wfh so would have some logistical challenges re office space, either extending for an office/ summer house cum office or kids sharing… does that feel doable? We live in a new build, so whilst bills have gone up, it seems to tap out based on usage (not minimal either) at around £220 in the coldest months (smart meter shows direct usage)

if you’ve got 3 does that feel doable on what I’ve said? Lot of nay saying around 3 I’ve found, with ‘middle child syndrome’ ‘if you have 3 you need to have 4 etc’ ‘new car’. We share a car now so would need a new car anyway, probably would lease one. Happy to receive suggestion as to what car can fit 3 seats on the back? Ideally would keep eldest rf until 6. I like the look of the Tucson

so if I did have 3 with that age gap eldest would be 5.5, middle 3 and then new born… anyone else have a similar gap? How have you found it? How was the Jump from 2/3? Our jobs are very stable and hubby is getting quite a bit of attention to move up, but based on this staying exactly as it, does that seem viable?

I had 3 in the space of 2 years & I wouldn't have changed it for the world. Sadly, I lost my Husband suddenly just over 6 years ago and they lost their Dad at the ages of 16,17 & 18.
Don't know what I'd have done without them quite honestly. One month later, my eldest found she was pregnant (I now have 2 gorgeous grandchildren) and she and her partner live very close to me. My other two have both gone Down South to live & work and I'm really happy for them, but that's one downfall of having a big family...when they all leave...! We're all still "close" though and I don't regret having 3 at all!
Go for it!

Great point! Looks like the q7 seems to be the one! Others seem a bit iffy, I found a car seat page that talks about it if anyone is interested

incarsafetycentre.co.uk/blog/post/best-cars-suvs-fit-3-seats

I have three, almost 11, 8 and almost 6.
We have an xc90 as we wanted 7 seats so that we had room to take extra people, friends, grannies etc out, but that was wide enough to put all our three in the middle row. It is great, with a huge boot. I don't like people carriers and live rurally so it suited us really well.
A lot of the other 4x4s we looked at, with the exception of the Q7, were too narrow to have all three in the middle row, meaning our eldest would have been in the back row and they had very little space and reduced the boot space massively too. The back row in the Volvo is pretty spacious too if you do need it.

Mine don't squabble particularly in the middle row either!

Really sorry for your loss! I’m glad you had each other! That’s one of my massive motivations, lost my dear dad and felt so utterly alone xx

I feel as if it’s read that the back row of 2 seats is iffy about car seats too! Thanks for the suggestion! It’s the q7 or xc90- super helpful!

I was also just turned 36 when I had number three, different sex to the first two and just felt like our family was complete! Never wanted more (I'm an only, husband is one of three and always liked the idea of three!).
Life is busy, but fun and we manage fine, wouldn't change a thing. I did drop to part-time though to make life handier!

Going 2-3 was a Dodleston for me. Same as a OP my third has quite severe ASD needs. 3 was lovely, never regretted it. Now had a fourth which was also easy but the washing etc feels more than double. You have to think about age gaps as dealing with teens is very emotionally intensive unless you are very lucky.

I’m 9 weeks into 3 (over 5.5 years) and have definitely bitten off more than I can chew. We’re stretched extremely thin and nobody is getting the attention they need. I would sent DC3 back but am totally overwhelmed by it.

Yes, I'm an "only child" and that was another reason why I wanted a "big" family myself...the fear of loneliness x

Have 3 under 3 and craving a 4th! But financially it can't happen. We have far less than what you've said and we manage, not overly comfortable, but we get by just fine.

Love my three but two would have been easier :)

I have 3 for similar reasons and love it. We feel like a proper squad whereas my family was much smaller and I never felt that.

I reckon it's pretty ok on a budget of £4.5kish a month including £1.3k mortgage and same again childcare. Your mortgage is much lower so more wriggle room for 2 sets of childcare. The killer is the last 2 days childcare so if you can cover 2 days a week it should be pretty comfortable.

I have three and I’m gonna be 100% honest.

sometimes it feels like we have one too many but I couldn’t put my finger on which one. I’m not saying I regret it. But sometimes there just one too many people in this house for it to be enjoyable.

I think having more children is easier if you’re a relaxed person generally and not a perfectionist who likes everything ‘done properly’. A bit of gentle benign neglect is probably good for children as we’re often guilty of over-parenting nowadays.
I read posts on here and people’s only worry about a 3rd child is whether they can get a suitable car and cover the monthly food bill. I think if you’re like that and not already fretting about the teenage years (when no house is big enough unless it has an entirely self contained annex per teen 😂), university fees and future house deposits then you’re probably a fairly optimistic and chilled out person and you’ll be fine!

I originally planned 2 then a gap, then another 2. Life got on the way and I didn't magically fall pregnant at 35, unlike when I was 26 and 29. Eventually had my third at 39 and called it a day.
Pros. She is the pet of the family and has not suffered in any way from being an "only".
In your shoes I would really think about the cost, not in terms of child care but in terms of teen care. Genuinely, clubs and hobbies and ferrying 3 around, plus things like driving lessons and uni is surprising. The one advantage we has from our big age gap is that the third is the only one we are forking out for now x

XC90 is supposed to be an amazeballs car but totally out of our budget - we tend to lease.

We have a Peugeot 3008 at the moment, the 5008 is decent for car seats. 3008 is a bit of a squeeze. DS1 is in the middle but wouldn't be comfy if we drove over an hour or so.

My third was twins. Boom. Straight to 4 under 4.

Mum of three here. I can’t give practical advice because mine are grown up now but I would like to say having 3 children can make a wonderful family.
IMO worrying about ‘ middle child syndrome’ is a waste of time. People saying if you have 3 you have to have 4 is nonsense. Ofc each child has to have their needs met so there is more to do with three children than with fewer, in a general sense.
before I had my third I did think of several reasons why it would be ‘more sensible’ or possibly ‘easier ‘ to stay at two. However I then decided to go ahead and I have never regretted it for one second. Nobody knows what’s in the future but I do know it helped our family that we were able to manage financially and that I have a reliable DH so we worked well together to bring up our family.
No one is hinting anything negative about families with different numbers of children fgs, the OP raised the question about having another child when she already has two.

Enjoy thinking about it, I’m sure you will come to the right decision for you and your family.

It is pricey isn’t it, winced a little lol when googling we were thinking to lease to, saves you being too tied down, can I ask how much you pay for yours? Do you have your ds1 in a hbb/ car seat/ no car seat?

Haven’t RTFT.

I have 3. 13, 10 and a 4 month old. Best thing I ever did. Wasn’t planned but I’d always wanted more than two. Sensible head said no more. So we stopped at 2, and then our little surprise baby came along.

I now really, really want a fourth partly to
give him a sibling close in age, but I don’t know if we’ll do it. I have absolutely loved having a baby again BUT 3 little ones is tough- for me it’s basically like having one during the day!

Just a side comment on the illness aspect, you must have been lucky so far 😉 No chickenpox, Covid, Hand, Foot and Mouth, Norovirus, Rotavirus??

Nope 🤣 I already have two, why would I need another?!

I have 3 aged 21-6. It's a very busy house but (slightly?) quieter since eldest went to uni but each having their own room has been really useful in terms of their own personal belongings. However, you'll manage with what you have I'm sure. And car wise, we had a BMW tourer but recently changed that for the Ford transit custom crew cab and there's a tonne of space including boot space.

Actually no, we give ours the chicken pox vax so they’ve not had that. But we’ve had all the others not sure about rota virus as they have that vaccine as babes but all the others… often x2