To ask mums of 3 this?

[Tiddlywinx]

how is the Jump from2/3? Did it make you want to have 4? How’ve you coped financially? Any regrets?

2 kids here (3.5 and 1) 35 late next year. My heart yearns for another baby, I know it’s a MN taboo but I just feel that way. I have one sibling and always desperately wanted more. Big families on both sides and always was envious of that bond.

let’s get to the nitty gritty… we have an average mortgage on a 4 bed house, like many I suppose the average mortgage will increase, would want a 3 year gap, eldest would be in school and 3 year old would be on funded hrs, which covers 8:45-3;30 (£5 for lunch), so I guess would start trying when I was 34.5, after tax and deductions (protection, pension, HI, IP, CIC etc) we get around 5.3k per month. We both have 9/10 to ease childcare costs and family to help also. We wfh so would have some logistical challenges re office space, either extending for an office/ summer house cum office or kids sharing… does that feel doable? We live in a new build, so whilst bills have gone up, it seems to tap out based on usage (not minimal either) at around £220 in the coldest months (smart meter shows direct usage)

if you’ve got 3 does that feel doable on what I’ve said? Lot of nay saying around 3 I’ve found, with ‘middle child syndrome’ ‘if you have 3 you need to have 4 etc’ ‘new car’. We share a car now so would need a new car anyway, probably would lease one. Happy to receive suggestion as to what car can fit 3 seats on the back? Ideally would keep eldest rf until 6. I like the look of the Tucson

so if I did have 3 with that age gap eldest would be 5.5, middle 3 and then new born… anyone else have a similar gap? How have you found it? How was the Jump from 2/3? Our jobs are very stable and hubby is getting quite a bit of attention to move up, but based on this staying exactly as it, does that seem viable?

We had one DC fairly early in our marriage and I thought he'd be our only child. Following the loss of DB, DF and a couple of other reasons I changed my mind, wanting to give him a sibling and 9&11 years later we had DC2&3. I definitely felt done then and wasn't prepared for the sibling rivalry.
DC2&3 are very different people. DC 1&2 get on far better than I ever expected despite the gap. They're 27,18&16 now.
DC3 is classed as talented and gifted and we're very close but that in itself has its own difficulties. if I knew then what I know now I'd have stopped at one.

I always maintained that 2 dcs didn't require twice the effort. A third on the other hand made a HUGE difference! I did have mine close together - I had an almost 4 year old and a 2 year old when No.3 was born. It was such hard work! The early years were the most challenging - after that it just got easier. After school clubs and sports events could be challenging, but DH and I would share and other parents are always happy to help out.

Looking ahead, it's expensive when they become young adults if you want to help them with university costs, rent, cars, flat deposits etc.

3 is a bloody nightmare! Don’t do it! 🤣

I’ve a larger age gap which was probably the hardest bit. As the oldest and middle were well out of the baby toddler stage. We have 13, 11 and 6. Although on the daily drag baby three just slotted in she had to, the school run and routines where already well established.

We have a Smax and the girls so young two do share a double room.

We don’t holiday aboard. Everything offer wise is always 2 adults 2 children or 1 adult 3 children it can get costly even for normal trips.

Also where we now live means I actually have three in three different schools with different training days and like with this strike I had two home and one in school, most people probably wouldn’t have this issue though.

Would I have four? No I’m done done done. Even if we got a bigger house, I’m enjoying the six year old getting less needy.

I have 4. No 3 was by far the easiest to slot in. Yes he made me want a 4th she is 19 now.

Bit more direct than me - but I agree!!

I love having three. Wouldn't change it for the world.

But three teenagers taking up room in the house and in the car, wearing adult sized clothes, eating adult portions, wanting all the tech and labels, holidays to please everyone, driving lessons, university costs etc etc is VERY expensive.

We have 3, aged 6, 5 and 17 months. It's been easy tbh. Baby is a great sleeper and a very easy baby (aside from reflux in the early days). I'm much more relaxed than when I had my bigger two (small age gap). She fits into their routine because she has to as I have to work it around school runs. I work part time and dh has compressed his hours so we don't need childcare for our youngest. We have no family support which is fine as dh is as hands on as I am. I kept all the big ticket items and then just purchased things like a new mattress for the cot, perfect prep, next to me crib etc.

Activities wise, the baby is often free or reduced entry and we can get a 2 adults 2 kids family ticket. That will change as she gets older but it's fine and an expected cost. The older two do two free afterschool club each and swimming. I wouldn't encourage anymore but that's purely a time thing. We could previously get cheap premier inn family rooms but now an air bnb often works out cheaper than two rooms. For themeparks 2 for 1 tickets help or I use my blue light discount where possible.

As they get older they will get more expensive. I think it all depends on ypur expectations for your life. I'd like a fourth but am 36, I'm waiting till she is 2 and then may go for it if we both agree our existing kids wouldn't be at a disadvantage.

I have three, love them all to pieces but I don't reccomend having a third and if I could click my fingers and go back to two I would.

I'm currently 40+1 with number 3, am 35 and drive a Tucson! So while I am not your target mumsnetter for questions yet, I feel like I should come back and give monthly updates or something!

However, I will say we got the Tucson before I got pregnant and it is a nice car, but the carseat thing is going to be a pain. My eldest is 6 and in a HBB, second is just three and has been forward facing since about a year - we have managed to cram the infant carrier into the middle space but the eldest is going to have difficulty buckling up with it there so it will have to be slotted in last which is obviously going to be shite for my back. And we have no chance once she outgrows the infant carrier - we're going to have to trade up to a people carrier I suppose. Good to see so many recommendations for the S-Max.

I have 4, and mostly it's been great, However, I did get to "half time" (when the older two were both out of school) and think "If I'd had any sense, I'd be done now instead of still trekking all over for music lessons/clubs/activities".

There can also be a tendency for 2 children to pair up against the third (not always the older 2 against the youngest). I would also consider that some women never get over feeling broody. Are you sure that you aren't one of those women?

Love my 3rd to bits, in many ways 3rd bab has brought the whole family together more. Wouldn’t change what I’ve done at all, but it’s blooming hard work, and a juggle to meet everyone’s needs! It feels like I can never keep all of them happy. But if you are both keen on a third, and prepared to do the juggling and give the time, it’s so worth it

Planning is all well and good, especially when you have the ability to do so with so much sense of control, but realistically there's no perfect time, no perfect answer and every family will vary entirely because it's made up of individual unique humans. Talk of having this much money, using this cash for this expenditure, extending this room, maybe a promotion, all great for now and obviously it's great to have a sense of how things might work out - but nothing is guaranteed. Ultimately, all the attention to financial and logistical planning might be a bit of a smokescreen and distraction. People make larger families work on all sorts of budgets and life situations. Others have abundant resources but struggle with one or two kids. My advice is - ultimately, forget the planning, calculating and scheduling. What do you want? Easier asked than answered, but that's what it comes down to.

Going from 2-3 was the hardest for me. By a lot. You're outnumbered for a start. As they get older everything is aimed at families of 4, so things like food and holidays get expensive, not to mention everything else they need. Space in the house and car is less. There's more arguing and falling out.
I adore all 3 Dc and wouldn't change them for the world but I can't deny 2 feels far more manageable. The house feels like a spa day if one of them is out

I have similar age gaps with my 3 (6, 3 and 9m). I adore them, wouldn't change them etc etc but it's hard. We're totally outnumbered , there's no free time, someone always needs something, house is always a mess, oldest doesn't get as much attention as he should. It's much harder than 2.
We needed a bigger car, we're in a small 3 bed and DH works from home, money is tighter. But those things don't matter, you can always make do. It's time that's the struggle for us. If we had any outside support I'd have a fourth.
But our house is always full of fun and our boys adore each other.

3 here as well. I also love having 3.
However, holidays are more expensive- we possibly could have gone abroad if we stuck with 2. Luckily we like outdoors uk holidays.

Teenage years are very expensive as they eat so much. The house is always busy. It can be challenging keeping track of what everyone is up to and making sure no one is quietly bothered by something. They also get less intense interest in their lives which I think is a benefit. I’m one of 2 and parental interest felt a bit stifling on occasion.

The youngest is easier in some respects as I’m more chilled over things and the elder 2 can chip in with advice for friendship issues. They generally get on with each other . It was much harder with an 18 month age gap between eldest 2 than it was going from 2-3.

You’re obviously more stretched with 3 than 2. I have 2 and the main differences I’ve noticed between our family and those with more kids is the time pressure. Generally parents have less time to themselves and are less likely to have their own hobbies. Depends whether that’s important to you or not - it is to me and was a big factor in only having 2 but it’s not a big deal to others.
Also you obviously have less time & energy for each child. One friend has a child that played a sport at national level requiring loads of lifts to sports fixtures/training etc but they had to stop as she just couldn’t devote the time to it with 2 other children at home also requiring attention. Some of my friends really struggle with 3 children needing to be at 3 different sports fixtures at the same time at the weekends. But others just say no or limit the sports each child can do. The families I know who’ve found 3+ kids the easiest have usually had extra help with e.g. an au pair or lots of family support. But I have to say no-one I know regrets the 3rd child even when they find it tough.

My three have now finished uni - don't know what to spend my cash on now!

We had three aged 3.5, 2 and newborn. They're now 25, 24 and 22, and a great gang. They all shared a room (low bunk beds and a cot) until the youngest needed a bed and then the two youngest (both boys) shared until we extended into the loft when the youngest was 10. Yes, it was hard work, but most of my friends also had three children so had the same limitations. We had a Peugeot 406 estate car, which fitted three seats in the back, plus it had two additional fold-down seats in the boot. We camped, rather than stayed in hotels, but we loved camping, and still do. Most importantly, they're a great team, and give each other great support - the type they're not going to get from parents. The youngest was straight on the phone to his brother and sister in tears when he thought he'd screwed up on his final uni exams, but they gave him the reassurance he'd needed, helped by the fact that they all went to the same uni so knew exactly what they were talking about. They still enjoy each other's company immensely.

At no stage did I want four.

You also need to factor in that the third pregnancy may produce twins which will definitely impact on your existing two children.

3 under 3. It was hard.
2 eyes, two hand, 2 parents. Then there’s 3…one is always somewhere out of sight, touch, or control.
eldest had to grow up and help out very early on.
i had to work full time shiftwork to support clubs and activities.
they are adults now, nice people but don’t speak to each other at all. So…maybe they didn’t like being 3 siblings.

I have 6, 4 and 8 months.
The arrival of the third has been the easiest because the older kids were already independent and are happy playing, drawing and don't need my help as much.

The arrival of a new baby is always a challenge but 8 months in it feels like he's always been with us and I realise that whatever difficulty I have with him (screaming in the car, waking up early...) I can tolerate more because I am sure he is the last one! And I know it will pass. The days are action packed so it goes fast.

To be honest we're also quite strict and it helps with "me time". My older kids do "quiet time" during baby morning nap, watch a film during his lunchtime nap and generally know to wait their turn. Once the baby is down for the night I spend one hour with the older ones playing and reading which feels like quality!

My DH is super helpful and in harder times I focus on the fact that (i) I have always wanted a third so I would have regretted not having him, (ii) when he starts nursery/school I will have time off & be able to work again, (iii) deep down I love having three!

Financially we're also lucky to be privileged, but we have no family help.

Good luck

Yikes, imagine if the third pregnancy was twins!!! Now that’s be a shock!!!

My DC3 was whisked off to neonatal after birth and diagnosed with a rare genetic condition a few weeks later. She is globally delayed, physically disabled and will never live independently. Now I'd never, ever wish for anything other than the children I have but you need to give some serious consideration as to what happens if DC3 has health issues. It may be highly unlikely but we'd had two healthy, NT children so it wasn't something I ever considered.

My 3 are all adults now. One about to be married, one married already and one still a student.

Apart from the student, the cost now is voluntary. How much do we want to contribute to weddings, house deposits etc.

It is important to us to be fair with each of them. Fair doesn't have to mean equal.

There’s always a chance you could have twins!