To ask mums of 3 this?

[Tiddlywinx]

how is the Jump from2/3? Did it make you want to have 4? How’ve you coped financially? Any regrets?

2 kids here (3.5 and 1) 35 late next year. My heart yearns for another baby, I know it’s a MN taboo but I just feel that way. I have one sibling and always desperately wanted more. Big families on both sides and always was envious of that bond.

let’s get to the nitty gritty… we have an average mortgage on a 4 bed house, like many I suppose the average mortgage will increase, would want a 3 year gap, eldest would be in school and 3 year old would be on funded hrs, which covers 8:45-3;30 (£5 for lunch), so I guess would start trying when I was 34.5, after tax and deductions (protection, pension, HI, IP, CIC etc) we get around 5.3k per month. We both have 9/10 to ease childcare costs and family to help also. We wfh so would have some logistical challenges re office space, either extending for an office/ summer house cum office or kids sharing… does that feel doable? We live in a new build, so whilst bills have gone up, it seems to tap out based on usage (not minimal either) at around £220 in the coldest months (smart meter shows direct usage)

if you’ve got 3 does that feel doable on what I’ve said? Lot of nay saying around 3 I’ve found, with ‘middle child syndrome’ ‘if you have 3 you need to have 4 etc’ ‘new car’. We share a car now so would need a new car anyway, probably would lease one. Happy to receive suggestion as to what car can fit 3 seats on the back? Ideally would keep eldest rf until 6. I like the look of the Tucson

so if I did have 3 with that age gap eldest would be 5.5, middle 3 and then new born… anyone else have a similar gap? How have you found it? How was the Jump from 2/3? Our jobs are very stable and hubby is getting quite a bit of attention to move up, but based on this staying exactly as it, does that seem viable?

Mine are now 10, 8 and 5 so similar ages to what you are thinking about. Older two are wonderful with their younger sister. But it's not easy to raise children in general, let alone throwing a disability into the mix.

It depends what level of difficulty you want to live life on. 3 is far more work and for not much more reward than 2.

Only have two DC myself, but this reason is exactly why we don't have more than two. For me, there doesn't seem to be any more plusses (DC already have a sibling etc), but lots of negatives, for example:

• Not having as much time for each of your DC, your partner nor yourself.

• More expense, not just now eg day trips, clothes, presents, hobbies, but when they're older, learning to drive, uni, even as adults, helping towards wedding or house?

• If they all did extra-curricular activities, you'd be out most evenings/weekends. My eldest only does two and my youngest one and already that's two weekday evenings and half a day at the weekend. Probably more when they're older (only young primary at moment). Ditto parties.

• Illness. The more DC you have, the more chances of them bringing illness into the house, then the longer it will take to get over it if it goes around the whole house.

• Sleeplessness. Again, increasing the chance you will be woken in the night, woken early.

• Increasing the amount of time you'll have 'dependent' children. My two are 22 months apart, so will have been just under 20 years until they're both adults. Another DC on top of that with a three-year age gap, increases that to 23 years.

Don't let your heart rule your head!

I have three, all the same gender. Don't regret it for a minute. We did make a conscious choice not to indulge the youngest or 'baby' her, she just roped in with everyone else. She has a lovely character now and is unspoilt. Coming up to two doing post graduate studies and one beginning university. That is expensive but larger families might qualify for better grants etc. I'm glad that in future decades they will have each other and hopefully make their own happy little community. The most painful time for me was when they were in primary, youngest got off school at 12.30, middle at 1.30 and oldest at 2.30 for two years, school was far away so that was a lot of trips to the playground etc. After school activities are a pain whether it is for two or three and they can often have their music lesson at the same time, get swimming classes together etc. Youngest had the easiest time as we knew the teachers, families they played with etc. from older siblings and youngest got the tip offs on exams, friends, sports etc from the older two. You are so much more relaxed with number three as it is your third time watching them do whatever. Pitfalls are more easily avoided. Will you always travel as five people? we have two cars (nothing expensive) so that we can be in two places at once.

We are now at the 17,15 and 12 stage. Overall, it has been fine. Obviously we would never change DS3 but it was quite hard for a few years when they were all in primary school and all needing help with homework etc. It is everything x3, activities, parents' evening, etc etc. We will be facing GCSEs/A Levels and Options at the same time as well.

We live in a 3 bedroom flat and only over the last 6-8 years have we started earning to have a decent disposable income - there really is never a right time.

Overall, if you feel it is right for you, then go for it.

I never had any itch for 4. We agreed 3 and actually had all boys and that was fine for us.

One thing I would consider, is that it isn't just about money and space - it is about time. This was the biggest thing.

I mean technically yeah there is, twins doesn’t run in either side of the family but it’s technically possible, unlikely but possible

I have 3 but my age gaps are close and then far. Mine are 10, 8 and 1.

Even so, going from 2 to 3 was total fucking chaos.

I assume that, one day, I won’t regret it.

We went from 2 to 4 (2sets of twins), last two being a surprise when the eldest were 5. We absolutely do not regret having 4 but childcare costs are horrific, 1 of our children still requires alot of hospital visits and we are very fortunate my parents will help out but navigating alot of travel is hard. It wasnt necessarily our plan to have a large family, but we make it work. As other people have mentioned factor in costs and what you want your lifestyle to be, if you can afford and have the time amazing!

2 to 3 was a doddle to be fair, and mine were all under 4 when number 3 arrived! No middle child syndrome but number 3 is a male diva, he was slow to talk, walk etc as he got 4 of us at his beck and call! We now have 4 after a suprise when number 3 was 5 and to be fair had I not been 42 when I had her I'd have had another as I think she would have benefited from a closer sibling but she's very secure in her position as the boss baby 🤣

I’ve got 3. It’s the logistics which I’ve found the most challenging. The addition of a third child wasn’t that big a jump personally.

I had my first two when I had no family locally, then a third when we’d moved to be nearer family. Again, my personal experience is that it would have been incredibly challenging doing it without the wider support network I now have. That’s just my experience though! Obviously it’s a bigger financial commitment and the baby years are extended. Again, depending on how you find the early years, that’s either a positive or a drawback!

Having three was much harder than having four. 1-2 was easy. The third was so hard then the fourth made things easier somehow. Don’t know why.

For me, yes the time is valid, there’s just less time but I suppose it’s making it quality and quantity time, definitely easier said than done.

uni, god knows what that will look like in the future anyway and even though we earn ‘good’ wages it’s very unlikely that we’d be able to fund even 2 children studying away from home at Uni. Luckily we live in a large city with a good number of good university’s close by, and a large number of organisations that offer degree apprenticeships, that would be my advise to my children career wise, especially if they were, like me, on the fence with what they wanted to do and just felt pushed to uni, my loan repayments are quite high. Hubby is from a community that do very very large weddings, but there does seem to be a turn away from those lately. We’ve pre agreed we’d give each child a flat sum to do with as they please, but my advice would be ‘don’t have a big expensive wedding’ it’s money down the drain. That realistically we could afford for 3 I think, we are lucky that we get paid bonuses and one good bonus would be the large(ish) lump sum.

illnesses, seems like it would be similar, nursery coughs and colds lol.

the dependent children doesn’t bother me tbh

@MissMeowCat

TWO SETS OF TWINS.

I doff my cap, madam. Wow! 👀

I went from 2 to 3 in diff circumstances. I had 1 dc then got with Other half and fell pregnant with my DC2 and then when I was pregnant social services turned with partners son, so he came to us full time so went from 1-3 very quickly 🤣

they are now 10 4 and 2. Financially we manage on around 5.4k a month but we do not have a mortgage. That includes childcare for youngest and wrap around care for 2 eldest. Our gas / electric bill is a far bit more than yours and we run 2 cars. It’s chaos however from morning to evening 🤣but I never had time to adjust from 1 -2 before it being 3.

we have a mortgage £700 atm but who knows what that’s going to look like on renewal esp with htb too 😩

I’m currently pregnant with DC3 and this thread has terrified me 😄 It wasn’t planned and DH convinced me we would cope…reading this I’m not sure I can!

You will cope... just need to tailor yours and the DCs' expectations. Congratulations

@Whoneedsleep Don’t panic! Yes it’s an adjustment, but having three will be your new normal. So many variables about how hard/easy it is. A big one is temperament of the children. Good luck.

No you can and you will! 💕

I had my 3rd 4.5 years after my first, and all I can say is everything else has seemed easy since the youngest turned 2.
Car: forget about fitting them all on the same row, you'd honestly rather shoot yourself than listen to the squabbling over the years. Look for 7 seaters. VW Touran looks good, Seat Alhambra is the same car.
We have a VW Caddy which I love but you may want something a bit more street-cred. There's a new small VW van out called the Multivan, comes in lots of fun designs.
Same problems others have mentioned, the world is no longer built for more than 2 kids, but there are always ways.

I really don’t like the look for the alhambra and the cars like that… was hoping for something cooler lol… maybe I’m after a unicorn lol

I have a Q7 and love it! The people carriers aren’t for me either 😂

@KnackeredBack this is the answer I wanted to hear and loved - thank you.

I appreciate not everyone is the same but our age gaps are similar. I will be having 3 in 4.5 years. Eldest will be 4, middle 2 and baby will be born in September.

It was a conscious choice and we did think about it quite a bit.

This is my spacing between the three and I love it although if the school years work out the same then you could be in the position I will be in two years, with one doing a-levels, one doing GCSEs and one doing y6 sats at the same time 😨

Do you pcp / lease? Can I be cheeky and ask you how much you pay? I love the look of the q7

3 here, teens now.

As children it can be manageable. You have the kit, recycle the clothes, keep a firm grip on clutter etc. Having a strong rhythm to home life really helped. The children knew in broad sweeps what would happen at home. Different bedtimes really helped. The golden tickets of all doing an activity at the same time is a treat when you get it - eg swimming! Financially we were fine.

However, we are now at teen stage and they are EXPENSIVE. They now have OPINIONS. And Uni is coming up fast.

My biggest advise would be - every party, every Christmas, every holiday second guess the budget and throw some of it into savings for teen/young adult time.

They really don't remember that expensive day out, and this nightmare party or expensive but darling outfit.