To ask mums of 3 this?

[Tiddlywinx]

how is the Jump from2/3? Did it make you want to have 4? How’ve you coped financially? Any regrets?

2 kids here (3.5 and 1) 35 late next year. My heart yearns for another baby, I know it’s a MN taboo but I just feel that way. I have one sibling and always desperately wanted more. Big families on both sides and always was envious of that bond.

let’s get to the nitty gritty… we have an average mortgage on a 4 bed house, like many I suppose the average mortgage will increase, would want a 3 year gap, eldest would be in school and 3 year old would be on funded hrs, which covers 8:45-3;30 (£5 for lunch), so I guess would start trying when I was 34.5, after tax and deductions (protection, pension, HI, IP, CIC etc) we get around 5.3k per month. We both have 9/10 to ease childcare costs and family to help also. We wfh so would have some logistical challenges re office space, either extending for an office/ summer house cum office or kids sharing… does that feel doable? We live in a new build, so whilst bills have gone up, it seems to tap out based on usage (not minimal either) at around £220 in the coldest months (smart meter shows direct usage)

if you’ve got 3 does that feel doable on what I’ve said? Lot of nay saying around 3 I’ve found, with ‘middle child syndrome’ ‘if you have 3 you need to have 4 etc’ ‘new car’. We share a car now so would need a new car anyway, probably would lease one. Happy to receive suggestion as to what car can fit 3 seats on the back? Ideally would keep eldest rf until 6. I like the look of the Tucson

so if I did have 3 with that age gap eldest would be 5.5, middle 3 and then new born… anyone else have a similar gap? How have you found it? How was the Jump from 2/3? Our jobs are very stable and hubby is getting quite a bit of attention to move up, but based on this staying exactly as it, does that seem viable?

Sorry, just realised I got the op and CherryBlossom's spacings mixed up there.

That’s fucking sage advice! In fact I’m taking it even if we stay at 2!

Anyone looked into the xc60? Can that fit 3 on the back?

The plus is the extra child! I guess if that's not a plus then two is fine.

I have 3. I found the younger years easy as they all got on so well. the transition was easier from 2-3 than 1-2. All the same gender so hand me downs we’re fine.

Teenager years were okay. Again they all get on and very close but it felt like I hardly saw my husband for a few years. Each of them into a different sport so most evenings one or both of us were out taking them training somewhere and the same on weekends. Then taxi services in the evening to friends and parties.

I was desperate for a 4th but DH said no. I don’t think I’ve ever really forgiven him for it.

I must've got lucky with my teenager. She has never asked for the latest tech or expensive clothes.

Her Christmas list consisted of animal teddies and art supplies.😂

We have 3. I won't lie and say we find it easy but our DC have no chill about them. DS9 has SEN which can be difficult. But like always you find a way.

We bought ours, sorry! Have a look on autotrader for a rough idea. It is so nice to drive though and plenty of room for the DC and the pram!

I have almost 7 years between youngest and oldest (older 2 are 2.5 years apart) and it’s sooooooooo great having the big 2 at school while I hang out with the baby (almost toddler now!) all week! It’s nice because that age the older 2 are so much easier and so helpful and obsessed with their sister.

2-3 jump wasn’t hard for us and I was so relieved and fulfilled to have my 3rd and not have to (what felt like) risk my life to have another baby again because I finally had that Done feeling! Heaven, and so glad, SO so so glad we went for number 3.

And the car seats all fit in nice?

ill have a butchers, thanks for the suggestion! :)

You will really regret three in the back.

Get 7 seater.

The bickering will drive you bananas BUT can you imagine the physical struggle trying to fit the children, a pram, a changing bag, shopping etc. Add a child coming home with you for play. Or when a little older backpacks, sport kit, and so on. If you are having three, and need a car the commit to a car that will see them and you through with a bit of sanity. You will also likely use that car for holidays too - so long distance driving.

I have 3 and have mostly done it alone - we were a two parent family of 3 for about 3 years, rest I have lone parented. Started parenting young & alone though with DS1 so I wasn't a novice.

I would say foster a massive sense of 'team' - I have had to have clear red lines all the way through with all 3 as in 'Don't hurt each other' 'Don't hurt me' 'Don't hurt others' and always 'Put yourself in others shoes'. I haven't sweated the small stuff like odd socks and messy hair and bedrooms. I have always been very open & clear about finances, as there have been times where we had little but now we have quite a bit more and they get it and appreciate it. I think the one thing that kept me sane was the mantra 'Parent fiercely. They are your life's work' and I always kept in mind they didn't ask to be born and tried to think that I will love to know them as adults and dealt with the normal parent tension and emotional 'pulled in all directions' frustration that way. Every tough stage (& there have been lots of awful situations) I have focussed on 'This too shall pass'. They are 19, 15 and 12 now and they are a credit to me. Their strong sense of self is (without sounding wanky) a privilege to witness. I have just had a hysterectomy last week and they have been so kind and caring. Focus on the long goal.

Good point on the squabbling! I wasn’t sure that the 7 seater cars could take car seats in the back row as they are often fold down seats? We liked the look of the seat torocco (or whatever it’s called)

Three is brilliant. Wish I’d been young enough to have four.

The only downside of three is you can never get a chain hotel family room because they only go up to four. (We still snuck ours in secretly).

You sound like a lovely mum, I wish I’d been raised in such an environment 💕

Yeah so I had DD in a high backed booster in the middle and both DS’ in a spin car seat either side and they were fine. Sometimes put DD in one of the back seats in her HBB with her cousin when we had her over. DD sometimes chooses to sit in the back now but she does sometimes sit in the middle row. She’s not in a car seat now and DS1 is in a HBB so we have the boys seats either side still and the middle seat is empty for DD.
When the baby arrives we will probably have DD & DS1 on the back seats with the baby and DS2 on the end seats of the middle row.

I have all 3 school years apart but not quiet 3 years in age. The age gap between the first two is 2y 11 months and then 2y 9m between dc2 and dc3, girl boy girl if that makes any difference. My 3 are now 16, 13 and 10 and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Our income is similar but I’m a stay at home parent and money wise my kids have iPhone 13’s, iPads, Xbox, PlayStation 5 etc etc and it’s not a stretch financially.

I'd look into the safety and legality of that because if theyre shoved against each other I think it's a problem

Do it! U have the room and sounds like u will cope !
i have 3 all 4 year gaps and wouldnt change it for the world im 39 and am sad im done but i no 3 is my magic number ❤️

I have 3 with quite a big age gap...10, 7 and 1. My husband would have preferred to stick at 2 but I always longed for one more and some kind of pandemic madness made him relent.

Now I love them with all my heart but my go CT c. C ç. Ç odness, the last year has been a slog...2 children feels like 2 children but 3 feels like 10 somehow! Always ALWAYS busy, someone always needs something, to go somewhere, a meal, a snack, a rub to a bumped head and a plaster for a bloody knee. I run around like a headless chicken most of the time, even with the age gap and the older ones at school. DC3 is definitely my feistiest, loudest and most full-on and mischievous with little interest in being a baby so that hasn't helped! A chilled out #3 who just 'slots in' certainly didn't happen here!

But seeing my boys with their baby sister is one of the joys of my life and we have a house full of (noisy!) cuddles and love. The boys now have to share a smallish room but we'll extend in time. Husband works from home in a sort of lobby area and we have outhouses for storage and a play room. Even with the increased stress levels I don't regret going for #3 and yes, it does make me want 4 so she has a closer sibling. But I'm over 40 now and husband would NEVER agree. I don't think my broodiness will personally ever go though.

I have 3 and would thoroughly recommend it. Same age gap as yours, the first few years were rough but also magical. Now they are older I have a gang and we have a lot of fun. We love having a big family, it’s chaotic but we don’t mind that.

The only downsides I’ve found are - family hotel rooms cap at 4 people so that can be hard to manage (you have to rent an apartment instead), and I’m a bit worried about university costs!

Another point about the 7 seater. When you already have three children it every handy when you’ve got an extra coming for a play date or activity. Especially if picking up straight from school you can just sling an extra body or two in as and when required. Without any argument over the front seat or if your partner happens to also be with you.

I've three and the most annoying thing is hotel rooms and holidays. Everything is for four. That being said she slotted straight in and I couldn't imagine not having three. I'm a sahm as my middle child has asd so easier for me to be here and actually she helped so much as when she was born I didn't have time to dwell on DS's diagnosis and I think it helped me just get on with it

3 teenagers here.

3 school year gap between the elder 2, 4 yrs between the younger 2.

i wouldn't have wanted more (DW still talks about 4/5, despite youngest now being 13!)

everyday life, change from 2 to 3 isn't as much as 0 to 1, or 1 to 2.
but as mentioned by PPs, holidays a nightmare.

we have a Tucson, and 3 large teens fit in the back ok for a 2 hour journey.

their relationships have been hard at times. early on, youngest and eldest were inseparable - middle was left out a bit.

now the elder 2 are tight, and youngest gets left out.

we have a 4 bed house - teens should have their own space i think.

we have similar income to you - we struggle now (was easier when they were little, and clothes could be handed down, no mobile phones etc)

I get a bit worried about my age too, you know I’d be 34.5 ttc, would it not happen? Is it too old? I was referred to in both my previous pregnancies as an older mum 29 and 31 /2😬both were natural, 1 was after about 8 months ttc and the second caught my second period pp at like 20 months pp 😬