Page 5 | To not have dsc today

Iyjd · 2023-02-01T08:45:15+00:00

I’ve name changed because this is potentially outing. I am a teacher, I am not striking today because it is not my union but I am off work ill. DP is working far away with no way of getting home in the next few hours, I have tried to call him but have been unable to get through, he is driving his team and I think will still be driving. DSC (9 and 11) schools announced at 8am they were closed due to the strikes, I happened to be texting one of them and mentioned being ill. Their Mum immediately messaged me saying I need to have them today so that she can go to work, I’ve replied saying I am too poorly to look after them, she has come back saying they have online learning to do so will be no trouble. I’ve again told her no but she has told me she will bring them anyway because I am being selfish. I heard DP lock the door before he left at 5am this morning and I don’t even feel well enough to get downstairs. DP has even left me food on my bedside table to see me through the day. I love them both and during lockdown I happily had DSC most days because I was home too, but today I am too ill. As much as she says they won’t need me I know full well they will want me, they will need help with lunch, or have the odd maths question or want help with Netflix, that kind of thing and I honestly just don’t feel well enough. If I had felt well enough for that then I would have gone into work myself. I am worried about them feeling rejected if she just turns up and I don’t answer the door and it damaging our future relationship. What do I do?

Theunamedcat · 01/02/2023 12:36

mum11970 · 01/02/2023 09:48

Your dsc’s school only text at 8 am to say they would be closed for strike action planned ages ago? Not troll hunting but come on!

This has always had the potential to happen teachers do not have to tell the school they are striking its nice if they do but the school cannot demand they do

WinnieFosterReads · 01/02/2023 12:38

Since you quoted my post, I thought you would have read it. I said you were under no obligation. I said I would have taken them in. I wouldn't have been making them large meals or going shopping. The DCs at that age in our family, could manage when a parent was ill. But we all had to because DH was often in another country for work.

Teaandtoast3 · 01/02/2023 12:47

I’d have ignored her. Definitely a CF

Patineur · 01/02/2023 12:51

WinnieFosterReads · 01/02/2023 12:38

Since you quoted my post, I thought you would have read it. I said you were under no obligation. I said I would have taken them in. I wouldn't have been making them large meals or going shopping. The DCs at that age in our family, could manage when a parent was ill. But we all had to because DH was often in another country for work.

FFS, OP is ill. She can be excused for not picking up every bit of every post.

musingsinmidlife · 01/02/2023 13:04

She can turn to family or friends, take the day off, or leave them home alone and check on them. If you are too sick to get out of bed, then you are too sick.

On another note, your DP should be checking in on you frequently if you are that ill. He shouldn't be out of contact or the two of you should have arranged as to who would keep an eye on you. Being too sick to get yourself out of bed could turn bad quickly.

Original poster

Iyjd · 01/02/2023 13:05

WinnieFosterReads · 01/02/2023 12:38

Since you quoted my post, I thought you would have read it. I said you were under no obligation. I said I would have taken them in. I wouldn't have been making them large meals or going shopping. The DCs at that age in our family, could manage when a parent was ill. But we all had to because DH was often in another country for work.

We will start referring to you as St Winnie immediately then.

Neither of their parents are ill, one is working away, the other has booked a day off of work and it is their contact day.

They wouldn’t manage, obviously they aren’t as amazing as your kids, they would also struggle to feed themselves food that we don’t own because we don’t base our food shop on feeding people that wouldn’t be here. They are capable of making meals, but we much prefer to supervise the children when using sharp knives and the oven.

OP posts:

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/02/2023 13:06

WinnieFosterReads · 01/02/2023 12:18

I'm confused. Your OP says they were told at 8am. Then your post says your DH spoke to them about the strike at the weekend and they told your DH their DM had booked the day off. If she knew in advance and had booked the day off then she was just being cheeky. If they all only found out at 8am, then I'd have tried to help. You didn't have to help. There was no obligation. But if I was well enough to be on MN, I'd have let them in. They're not tiny DCs. You could still have slept.

@WinnieFosterReads - my understanding is that @Iyjd's ex knew at the weekend that the strikes might affect their school, so planned for the eventuality, but the school didn't actually tell the parents that they definitely would be closed until this morning.

From what I have read, the teachers don't have to confirm until the day, that they will be striking, so the Headteachers may not know until the last minute that they won't have enough staff to open the school - but they can warn the parents ahead of time that they may be affected.

Some Heads have got round this by asking staff if they will be in school today, and then assuming that everyone who doesn't answer that they will be in, is intending to strike - then planning on that basis.

@Hillarious - I still don't see how the OP can be expected to look after the children if she is too ill even to get downstairs.

Original poster

Iyjd · 01/02/2023 13:08

musingsinmidlife · 01/02/2023 13:04

She can turn to family or friends, take the day off, or leave them home alone and check on them. If you are too sick to get out of bed, then you are too sick.

On another note, your DP should be checking in on you frequently if you are that ill. He shouldn't be out of contact or the two of you should have arranged as to who would keep an eye on you. Being too sick to get yourself out of bed could turn bad quickly.

I’ve got flu, so whilst I feel horrendous I’m usually fit and well so not too worried. Last nights leftovers are next to the bed for my lunch and he has left me some bottles of water. He did ring me as soon as he finished driving too and can text now that he is there so don’t worry!
I have my neighbours numbers too because we get on well so could contact them in an emergency.

OP posts:

lanthanum · 01/02/2023 13:09

I'm wondering if she thought about the possibility that the kids would catch whatever you'd got, and then she'd end up having to take a day off another day (or two) instead.

Mylittlepea · 01/02/2023 13:09

She’s an absolute CF !!!! Get some rest in bed and hope you feel better soon xxx

Laserbird16 · 01/02/2023 13:09

Vomit on her, that should verify you're too ill to do childcare today. The audacity!

Hillarious · 01/02/2023 13:13

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/02/2023 13:06

@WinnieFosterReads - my understanding is that @Iyjd's ex knew at the weekend that the strikes might affect their school, so planned for the eventuality, but the school didn't actually tell the parents that they definitely would be closed until this morning.

From what I have read, the teachers don't have to confirm until the day, that they will be striking, so the Headteachers may not know until the last minute that they won't have enough staff to open the school - but they can warn the parents ahead of time that they may be affected.

Some Heads have got round this by asking staff if they will be in school today, and then assuming that everyone who doesn't answer that they will be in, is intending to strike - then planning on that basis.

@Hillarious - I still don't see how the OP can be expected to look after the children if she is too ill even to get downstairs.

Show quote history

Then why is she asking if she's being unreasonable? By implication, if she's asking, there's an element of doubt in her mind.

aSofaNearYou · 01/02/2023 13:24

Definitely don't have them, she needs to learn that this is totally unacceptable behaviour. You could text DSC directly to tell them you are too ill if you are worried how they will react.

aSofaNearYou · 01/02/2023 13:29

gogohmm · 01/02/2023 12:19

At 9&11 you can just leave them too it. Yabu you chose to have step children, this is called being helpful

What a weird statement. There's nothing in being a step parent that means you have to strive to be as helpful as possible at all times. Your comment implies that must surely be her goal.

PeonyRose80 · 01/02/2023 13:30

Maybe the Mum was trying for a sneaky child free day off?! Just ignore all communication from her and ignore the door.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/02/2023 13:36

Sorry@Hillarious - I obviously wasn't clear - you say you think the OP should look after the kids - I am wondering why you think she should - or indeed can - look after them when she is so poorly she can't get down the stairs.

MrsHutch3029 · 01/02/2023 13:45

I’m a TA who would have been in today if I hadn’t contracted covid last week. No way would I have been having children here when I’m sick, so completely agree YNBU here. It’s well and good for people who are currently well to say that they’d have let them in, but I bet that would have changed had they been the sick ones. Hope you’re getting some rest and start feeling better soon. X

Funkyblues101 · 01/02/2023 13:48

Age 9 and 11 they can just stay downstairs doing whatever while you are ill upstairs, presumably sleeping. At their age, you just need to be there in the case of an emergency, which is unlikely.
If they don't do their school work, so what? If they eat weird and random food from the fridge a day, so what? It's ONE day.

aSofaNearYou · 01/02/2023 13:54

Funkyblues101 · 01/02/2023 13:48

Age 9 and 11 they can just stay downstairs doing whatever while you are ill upstairs, presumably sleeping. At their age, you just need to be there in the case of an emergency, which is unlikely.
If they don't do their school work, so what? If they eat weird and random food from the fridge a day, so what? It's ONE day.

Kids don't often do what they "can" do. My 9 year old DSS would keep coming in and badgering me, and/or thrash around making tons of noise and possibly breaking things, regardless of what I thought he should be able to do.

Original poster

Iyjd · 01/02/2023 13:54

Funkyblues101 · 01/02/2023 13:48

Age 9 and 11 they can just stay downstairs doing whatever while you are ill upstairs, presumably sleeping. At their age, you just need to be there in the case of an emergency, which is unlikely.
If they don't do their school work, so what? If they eat weird and random food from the fridge a day, so what? It's ONE day.

But they can do all of that at their mums. I feel more alert this afternoon compared to this morning and I’ve realised she was being really out of order.

OP posts:

Kanaloa · 01/02/2023 14:05

You’ve said no. She said she’d just drop them off anyway but you’ve already answered, so I’d just ignore and presume she read and understood that you aren’t babysitting. If she cannot miss work she has to message the father to care for his children. Or they need to sit down together and work out their emergency childcare protocol.

funinthesun19 · 01/02/2023 14:12

At 9&11 you can just leave them too it. Yabu you chose to have step children, this is called being helpful

She made a secondary choice to have stepchildren because of the main choice to be with their father.
She still owes the mum nothing. It’s mum’s day and her responsibilities during that time aren’t OP’s problem especially when she’s ill.

Sometimes you don’t have to be helpful. Sounds like op has been more than helpful in the past. Today is her day where she says NO though. And that’s got nothing to do how she feels towards the dsc. It’s just that today helping the mum doesn’t work for her.

Pinkpaw · 01/02/2023 14:23

I agree of course you shouldn’t have them

However, it’s a very long post to write if you’re were so ill you couldn’t even lift your head up..

MrsHutch3029 · 01/02/2023 14:27

gogohmm · 01/02/2023 12:19

At 9&11 you can just leave them too it. Yabu you chose to have step children, this is called being helpful

Fuck this noise. Being helpful is great, but shouldn’t be done at the helpful person’s own expense.

BlackFriday · 01/02/2023 14:27

"However, it’s a very long post to write if you’re were so ill you couldn’t even lift your head up.." How on earth can you judge that from behind your screen? Sounds a bit mean-spirited to me.

Seems to me as if the OP has excellent boundaries.
Well done.