To not have dsc today

[Iyjd]

I’ve name changed because this is potentially outing.

I am a teacher, I am not striking today because it is not my union but I am off work ill. DP is working far away with no way of getting home in the next few hours, I have tried to call him but have been unable to get through, he is driving his team and I think will still be driving.

DSC (9 and 11) schools announced at 8am they were closed due to the strikes, I happened to be texting one of them and mentioned being ill. Their Mum immediately messaged me saying I need to have them today so that she can go to work, I’ve replied saying I am too poorly to look after them, she has come back saying they have online learning to do so will be no trouble. I’ve again told her no but she has told me she will bring them anyway because I am being selfish. I heard DP lock the door before he left at 5am this morning and I don’t even feel well enough to get downstairs. DP has even left me food on my bedside table to see me through the day.

I love them both and during lockdown I happily had DSC most days because I was home too, but today I am too ill. As much as she says they won’t need me I know full well they will want me, they will need help with lunch, or have the odd maths question or want help with Netflix, that kind of thing and I honestly just don’t feel well enough. If I had felt well enough for that then I would have gone into work myself. I am worried about them feeling rejected if she just turns up and I don’t answer the door and it damaging our future relationship.

What do I do?

Keep the door locked and ignore.

Very bizarre for her to say there is concerns with DSC and your partner yet expects you to watch them!

It sounds like it wasn’t his time to have the children - surely arranging childcare is the responsibility of the parent who would normally have the children on that particular day. It’s the mums responsibility since it’s on her time.

The utter cheek of her. Asking a SP for help is one thing but not respecting a no is not on. Hope OP turns the phone off and goes to sleep.

I was unhelpfully thinking the same. It's one reason I would never have considered becoming involved with a man with young children while my own children were young.

You’re not her slave. You’re ill, you’ve said no. Tell her you won’t answer the door.

I do think some sort of conversation between the parents about strike days would have been in order, but it does sound as though the dc’s Mum had told at least the kids that she had the day off.

Really hope you feel better soon Op

Your dsc’s school only text at 8 am to say they would be closed for strike action planned ages ago? Not troll hunting but come on!

They are not your kids, it’s up to their two parents to sort them out.

If you are too ill to go downstairs (and I know how that feels from bad migraines where the slightest movement would be agony and make me throw up) then you are too ill to be responsible for two children. End of. There is no question about it. Any of the alternatives would be a better deal for the children ..eg staying with a friend or neighbour or grandparent or indeed going into work with their mum. Or she takes the day off like a lot of people are having to do today.
Your DH recognises that you are ill. I’m sure he will have your back.
You are not accountable to her.
If she is audacious enough to bring them round, and you can’t get out of bed that’s her fault for wasting her time and ignoring your message to say you can’t have them. She was warned.

Op ignore the door .. ignore the phone .. later today tell her you slept all through the morning didn't hear anything

Lots of schools wouldn't know until the last minute as teachers don't have to notify in advance.

I agree with this. I'm sorry you are unwell, and I'm sorry for the SC caught in the middle, but if you're truly not well enough to look after them you shouldn't be saddled with it!

Unrelated, but as you mentioned your husband is off "driving his team" I am convinced he is an old-timey ox team driver on the frontier.

This is exactly what I'd do.

The schools that were affected in my area were all listed in the local newspapers yesterday. They have known for days.

Many schools were not notified which teachers would be striking. The union told them not to say until the day.

YANBU

This strike hadn’t come out of the blue and if she was struggling to get time off then she should have spoken to her ex or even you and discussed it.

The fact that she didn’t mention it until she heard you were at home sounds like she does have another option but feels like it’s somehow your responsibility to be looking after then whenever you are at home.

Sorry just realised she didn’t know until the morning.

The op can only say what she's told. Maybe the mum did know. Maybe she didn't.

Definitely say no. Neither of their parents made contingency plans, and it's not fair to assume you will automatically cover for this, especially when ill.

I hope you stayed in bed.

How is @Iyjd supposed to do this when she can't even walk downstairs, @Hillarious?

I was going to say exactly this. She is incredibly rude. Hope you feel better soon.

I'd have probably responded with 'You will have to take a fair few more days off if they catch what I've got.'

Tell the kids later you would have loved to have them but you had something infectious that you didn't want to expose them to.

That's horrible behaviour from their mum and I'd worry that she would repeat it if you give in. Why didn't she make arrangements for them?

God she's a CF isn't she?! No means no.

You've said you are ill. Keep the door locked and don't answer. She can't just tell you she's "bringing them down anyway".

She is their mum and hasn't bothered to sort. Neither has their dad. The responsibility doesn't automatically fall to you.