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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not have dsc today

184 replies

Iyjd · 01/02/2023 08:45

I’ve name changed because this is potentially outing.

I am a teacher, I am not striking today because it is not my union but I am off work ill. DP is working far away with no way of getting home in the next few hours, I have tried to call him but have been unable to get through, he is driving his team and I think will still be driving.

DSC (9 and 11) schools announced at 8am they were closed due to the strikes, I happened to be texting one of them and mentioned being ill. Their Mum immediately messaged me saying I need to have them today so that she can go to work, I’ve replied saying I am too poorly to look after them, she has come back saying they have online learning to do so will be no trouble. I’ve again told her no but she has told me she will bring them anyway because I am being selfish. I heard DP lock the door before he left at 5am this morning and I don’t even feel well enough to get downstairs. DP has even left me food on my bedside table to see me through the day.

I love them both and during lockdown I happily had DSC most days because I was home too, but today I am too ill. As much as she says they won’t need me I know full well they will want me, they will need help with lunch, or have the odd maths question or want help with Netflix, that kind of thing and I honestly just don’t feel well enough. If I had felt well enough for that then I would have gone into work myself. I am worried about them feeling rejected if she just turns up and I don’t answer the door and it damaging our future relationship.

What do I do?

OP posts:
MrNook · 01/02/2023 09:06

Send her one more text "I am unwell, I can't get out of bed and I will not be looking after DSC today" then stay in bed and look after yourself

She's being a CF

plumduck · 01/02/2023 09:06

Ladyofthesea · 01/02/2023 09:05

Why does treating stepkids as your own so often involve taking care of them when their own parents won't?

Show quote history

Yeah, in this case "treating them as your own" means finding someone really ill to dump them on.

SilverHydrangea · 01/02/2023 09:07

MrNook · 01/02/2023 09:06

Send her one more text "I am unwell, I can't get out of bed and I will not be looking after DSC today" then stay in bed and look after yourself

She's being a CF

This. Then put your phone on silent and do not answer the door.

FOJN · 01/02/2023 09:08

I don't think OP needs to anything except ignore this unreasonable demand. She is ill otherwise she would be at work and not even an option. She does not need to be part of a finding a solution to a problem that is not even hers. The childrens mother can contact their father if that's what's required, OP should not allow herself to get dragged into it.

merlotlover · 01/02/2023 09:08

I'm in no fit state to look after them, I'm turning my phone off now and going back to sleep

Tinkerbyebye · 01/02/2023 09:08

Hillarious · 01/02/2023 08:53

Answer the door and take them in. As you say, they may feel rejected and it may damage your future relationship if you don't.

That you mum?

don’t be ridiculous. Op is ill and childcare is not her problem it’s the mothers

Original poster
Iyjd · 01/02/2023 09:09

rookiemere · 01/02/2023 09:02

Message your DP and get him to speak to their DM.

He absolutely won’t look at his phone whilst driving.

He had a very hostile relationship with her, she has made ridiculous claims up about him to the school and said he is not allowed to take them or be told anything about them, all completely untrue and he has arranged to meet the school on Friday morning to solve this, and he is seeking legal advice to have his days backed up with a court order (for school benefit, she never doesn’t let him have them on his days). He asked his children at the weekend what was happening with school over the strike and one said Mum has booked the day off just incase so I don’t think she is actually stuck.

OP posts:
ThreeblackCats · 01/02/2023 09:09

I agree with everyone else.
Don’t answer the door. If she calls and says she’s knocking your door and you’re not answering, just reiterate

“I’m too sick…I can’t even answer the door. What part of “no” confused you? Not my circus, not my monkeys…looks like you’ll have to take a day off of your own job”

Nanny0gg · 01/02/2023 09:10

Your DP needs to have very firm words with her when he's back.

If you say No, the answer is No. And last minute demands don't work for you

Sceptre86 · 01/02/2023 09:10

You've taken medication and gone back to bed so won't hear the door. She's a CF of the highest order. The kids are old enough to understand and you explain if asked that you were too ill to leave your bedroom.

StarsSand · 01/02/2023 09:11

I'd message the mother saying

'No. I'm simply too unwell. I'm going to sleep now. The doors are locked and my phone will be off. Don't bring them, it will only upset them when I don't answer the door.'

And then lock your doors and turn off your phone.

What an attitude. Thousands of parents are in the same situation, she'll just have to manage.

PawsOnTheBeach · 01/02/2023 09:11

What was her plan if you were not I’ll and were at work today?

She needs to sort it herself or call their dad. Don’t worry about damaging them, I’m sure they’ll just be glad to get a day off school. If she doesn’t explain you’re ill then you and their dad can do so when you see them next.

Hope you feel better soon. 💐

Original poster
Iyjd · 01/02/2023 09:12

I think they would be here by now if she was bringing them straight away like she made out. I currently have a courtesy car and it is parked on the street a couple of doors down so I’m hoping she thinks I’m not in.

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 01/02/2023 09:13

I think if you are too ill, you are too ill- Closed door and phone on silent

Alexandernevermind · 01/02/2023 09:14

I think I would be pretty furious with your dp if I were you. He should have been working with his ex to make sure the children were looked after. It doesn't matter whose contact day it is. My bil has taken a day off work to care for his dd on a non contact day, as he know his ex cannot get the day off work.

StarsSand · 01/02/2023 09:16

I'd also be annoyed at DP who has swanned off on a work trip without a thought for how the strike will be managed.

Does he normally leave these things for the women to sort out for him?

He's had weeks to speak to ex, or sort a babysitter, or take the day off himself.

plumduck · 01/02/2023 09:19

StarsSand · 01/02/2023 09:16

I'd also be annoyed at DP who has swanned off on a work trip without a thought for how the strike will be managed.

Does he normally leave these things for the women to sort out for him?

He's had weeks to speak to ex, or sort a babysitter, or take the day off himself.

Presumably he's working not swanning. Strikes weren't guaranteed. Impact of strikes was unknown.

Original poster
Iyjd · 01/02/2023 09:19

Alexandernevermind · 01/02/2023 09:14

I think I would be pretty furious with your dp if I were you. He should have been working with his ex to make sure the children were looked after. It doesn't matter whose contact day it is. My bil has taken a day off work to care for his dd on a non contact day, as he know his ex cannot get the day off work.

But she can get the day off work. She told her children that she had booked the day off already. She must have had a plan because I didn’t speak to dsc until about 8:20, that’s very late to make a plan when starting work at 9:30. They usually go to their grandparents before and after school so why isn’t she forcing them there?

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/02/2023 09:21

StarsSand · 01/02/2023 09:11

I'd message the mother saying

'No. I'm simply too unwell. I'm going to sleep now. The doors are locked and my phone will be off. Don't bring them, it will only upset them when I don't answer the door.'

And then lock your doors and turn off your phone.

What an attitude. Thousands of parents are in the same situation, she'll just have to manage.

Say this. It’s unbelievable she should behave like this.

9 is ok to have in the background if they are sick and you’re working, or for the odd bit of time after school while you work, but not so grown up they are “no bother” whilst you’re sick.

Also, why does she want to risk them getting sick? She’ll miss more work that way.

Absolutely don’t let them in - call police if she dumps them outside.

plumduck · 01/02/2023 09:23

Iyjd · 01/02/2023 09:19

But she can get the day off work. She told her children that she had booked the day off already. She must have had a plan because I didn’t speak to dsc until about 8:20, that’s very late to make a plan when starting work at 9:30. They usually go to their grandparents before and after school so why isn’t she forcing them there?

Show quote history

Even cheerier.

Ignore her and block her phone number. There's no need for you to speak to her. What a nasty peice of work she is. Trying to dump her kids on you because she can't be arsed.

Shinyandnew1 · 01/02/2023 09:23

Ignore the door. Anyone who spoke to me like that wouldn’t be having free childcare from me-this is hardly an emergency and it sounds like she already booked the day off anyway!

funinthesun19 · 01/02/2023 09:25

Stick to your guns and say “I’m ill today. This is the whole reason I am off work. I would have been at work because my school are still open, but I am only off because I’m ill. I can’t help you.”

Then try and make certain that the door is locked, make sure there is a key in the door so they can’t use their keys if they have one. Make sure the back door is locked too. Then go back to bed and if she kicks off say you was ill and asleep.

She’s known for weeks that this was a possibility. What was her plan? I bet in her head she thought that because you’re a teacher you would definitely be off and she would be able to just dump them on to you so didn’t really think about what else she would do. Cheeky sod.

Would she dump them on to her mum if she was ill in bed? I bet she wouldn’t.

DisforDarkChocolate · 01/02/2023 09:26

Hillarious · 01/02/2023 08:53

Answer the door and take them in. As you say, they may feel rejected and it may damage your future relationship if you don't.

Are you the CF Mum?

lifeinthehills · 01/02/2023 09:27

Stick to your guns OP.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 01/02/2023 09:30

I hope the OP is now asleep and CF mum has decided she has to step up and parent her own kids. If it was that much of an issue why didn’t CF mum try to sort this out with the dcs’ dad? Maybe they could have done half a day each with the kids?

OP, should probably step back a bit in future and not be so available for looking after the kids - I think you’ve been taken for granted and stronger boundaries are needed.