Hi,
New on here so please be kind!
I moved away for a job with husband and child. We have lived away for a year and MIL has come to visit. It’s been 5 days which have been bearable. We went food shopping and she came with us. I though more to see what the shops are like where we are live. Instead she started to add food we would never buy to my trolly. Initially, I thought it was as I had a trolly that has a few bits so made sense to have them all in my trolly. When we got to the checkout, I put my stuff down and she put hers down, moved the divider and when I said the we don’t eat something so to put it back, she said “oh, I’ll eat that”.
I get as a host I should accommodate her. And we’ve provided her with the spare room (which we usually use as an office) so I’m working from the bedroom, not ideal. Also I have cooked extra with each meal so she can eat. But I personally would not have put anything extra in her trolly, especially expensive food just for me, if I went to the shops with her.
I’m I completely unreasonable in not expecting to pay for things just for her benefit? She left her PJs and toiletries so I’ve loaned her mine. Again not great as last time she stayed (before we moved) she ended up taking my PJs, when I asked for them she said “you gave them to me”!
We went out to a beauty spot on Sunday (unplanned) I took a small handbag and didn’t take my purse and hubby left his (he has been in an odd mood and snappy for the last week or so, apparently stressed with work). I said we would go back to get my purse as we were only 5 mins down the road and she said “don’t worry, I’ve got my card” so she paid for lunch, which turned out more than expected as hubby and her both had a few extra drink. But I don’t see why she should be expecting me to pay for special shopping which cost me 1/4 more than I was buying. She knows that we are not made of money, she on the other hand has plenty of money as only flies business class and doesn’t have a mortgage, I also saw her bank statement left on the dining table and it had more money than most people earn a year. I just don’t think I would expect my child when she grown up to pay for my expensive exclusive food when I am staying with her. I’m saving her a fortune by letting her stay with me as the cheapest hotel locally is £230 a night. She can afford to pay for a hotel but has decided as she travelled alone wants to spend time with us (more hubby and the child).
I get some of you might think 1/4 more is nothing but when she knows we only have a car between us, and we watch what we spend money on in a time of the cost of living crisis. I think at best it is insensitive that she expects me to pay for her special food. I have to go shopping again and am not sure how to deal with this, she insists on coming with us anytime we go out.
AIBU?
Is MIL being an inconsiderate guest?
Newbiehelp · 31/01/2023 18:25
Am I being unreasonable?
674 votes. Final results.
POLLbussteward · 31/01/2023 18:53
I get as a host I should accommodate her. And we’ve provided her with the spare room (which we usually use as an office) so I’m working from the bedroom, not ideal. Also I have cooked extra with each meal so she can eat.
She’s staying with you! A bed and sharing meals with you is the basic level of accommodation you should offer, you’re hardly pushing the boat out! She bought you lunch without a grudge but you’re begrudging her some trolley items?
It sounds like you both communicate poorly: you assumed she came shopping to see what the shops are like, and put things in the trolley to save carrying; she assumed you gave her pyjamas. Do neither of you say anything out loud ever?
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Overgrowngrasslady · 31/01/2023 18:58
Some people are good at being houseguests and some aren't
and some people are good hosts and others aren’t.
this pair think they are doing her a favour and feeding her, saving her a fortune as she doesn’t need to stay in a hotel, go out without their wallets , and the husband is being belligerent and arguing with someone.
the guest isn’t the issue. The Ill mannered hosts are.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.