Aggressive school mum

[OhWhatNowYouFish]

Our two sons, both KS2 are usually friends but sometimes fall out. Yesterday they fell out and pushed each other and ended up with a graze each. I spoke to my son (again) saying that since he only falls out with this boy, it might be better to just play with his other friends instead, and move on from this friendship. The other mum is very angry, doesn't acknowledge her son's responsibility in any of this, and every time it happens sends me angry texts. She started texting me last night about it and most of today, including trying to get mutual friends involved.

When she text, I said that I think they're equally to blame, but she went on and on and in the end I said that we're just repeatng ourselves and I have nothing further to add. She, however, continued to send angry texts last night and on and off today, which I haven't acknowledged. I'm due to pick my son up soon and am dreading her marching across the playground causing an argument. She's naturally quite loud and aggressive whereas I find any confrontation absolutely mortifying. I don't know what to do.

Call the school, explain the problem and ask if a member of staff can be around incase of an unwanted altercation.

Just ignore her or tell her if she has an issue to take it up with the school and then don't engage with her any further

Approach the school, the teacher in question and tell them what is happening. My 4 year old had a problem with another kid she always played with, but this kid would push her, and once did so she caught her back on the edge of a glass door. I approached the teacher and explained, I did not want my daughter to be no one´s punching ball and would say to push back. they were separated to different tables with a couple other kids changed too and it has worked. No further problems. I did tell her, maybe that friendship was ending and she was starting new ones.

I had similar with a school mum (complicated by my working there as well) and I ended up politely telling her that I found our interactions stressful and unnecessary so I was blocking her on all channels. I then told school so they were aware. She was furious, and has tried various things to get at me since but life is far more peaceful!

You need to inform the school. And completely stop engaging with this mum. Block her from your phone.

I hate parents like this. I had it myself when mine were in primary school. Kids fall out 🤷🏻‍♀️

I often see parents threatening other parents in Facebook statuses. So aggressive

I think a simple message of

'im not willing to discuss this anymore and the number of messages you are sending on something I don't consider worth getting upset over isn't achieving anything. I'm now going to block/mute this conversation and consider this done and dusted'

Should suffice.

She's ultimately just a bit sad, clearly likes to find offence in anything and can't deal with things in an adult manner. Stuff her.

You’ve both had your say, especially her by the sounds of it. So block her number now and if approached on playground tell her to speak to the teacher. Do you know another mum who can be there to support you? I hate this kind of thing. I would definitely alert the teacher/head teacher as well that she’s making you feel really uncomfortable.

Do you know who actually started it? Was it your son? If so would it hurt to admit that and say you have spoken to him about it

You really don’t want to have tension ongoing for the next five years if you can avoid it

It makes the school run very uncomfortable

A simple, "neither of them should be pushing/hitting, I've told ds this and I've asked the school to keep an eye on them, feel free to do that same", should be enough. Then just keep repeating to her to take it up with the school as you can't do anything else because you are not there when it happens.

Just have it out by the school gates in front of everyone

I think you need to completely refuse to discuss it privately with her and insist on going through the school. I mean sometimes you can resolve things but it sounds like it's beyond this now.

Would you be up for inviting her and her son over after school one day or maybe meeting at a park? Just thinking that if you can both see them playing then firstly it will put both your minds at rest and secondly, you can help them sort their differences out together.

Tell her that since the lads don't seem to be getting on it's best they avoid each other, no need to give a reason. If she raises her voice tell her you can see where the aggressiveness comes from.

If she approaches you just say you can't stop to chat as you've got to get back home and you will speak when you have time later this week.

If she persists just keep reiterating it or say you wont discuss if shes raising her voice as there are children about and walk away.

Or just ring someone and be on the phone at the time.

I'm terrified of doing anything that will make her even more angry!

Why would that be a good idea? Who wants to socialise with someone like that?

I feel so silly informing the school about such a non issue of their fall out and with regards to the endless texts, there's nothing the school could do.

I do usually stand with my friends while I wait, but I think they'd just stand there in shock if she came up to me and had a go at me. If be so embarrassed. I'm not sure they'd actively defend me because most people don't want to get involved and escalate things. I like the idea of being on the phone but I don't want to have to ignore my friends every drop off and pick up for the sake of imaginary phone conversations.

I told her last night that I had nothing more to add to the conversation and felt we were just repeating ourselves. I then stopped engaging, but it didn't stop her texting and then texting other friends.

Both kids say the other one started it, and to be honest, I'm reluctant to apologise just to pacify her. This isn't going to be the last time they argue, and I don't want to have to apologise her every time our kids fall out.

Been exactly where you are now. My child was the victim, being repeatedly picked on. I calmly spoke with said parent about their child, no hard feelings from my side. Was twisted to my daughter lying and everything being our fault, from how we handled it, to how it was affecting my daughter. Constant passive aggressive messages. I told her I was no longer engaging with her and blocked her. I avoid her at all costs, don't speak to her, do not engage with her and life is so much more peaceful. She is a nasty piece of work

Could you ask a friend to walk to / from school with you, for moral support?

And don't engage with the other Mum

Let your children see how you would like them to behave

I like this response.

If she comes up to you in the schoolyard and raises it, say that. Try and be standing with your other mum friends - and DON'T talk about this to them, at least not there, chat about something else. If she does accost you, the other mums will think she is a looney. She will be embarrassing herself, not you.

I don't think it is a nonissue.
She is harassing you.
I think you should screenshot her texts and forward to the school so that its on record. Tell them you've spoken to your son but worry her silly attitude is doing nothing to calm the situation and will rub off on her son. The school needs to know and needs to resolve it in the classroom - so that you can say, the school is dealing with it.
We had one of these at our school, the kind of person who likes to pick a fight. I kept out of her way as much as possible.

The situation will calm down when she finds something new to complain about,

I would inform the school or their class teacher of the situation, I’d even show them the text messages to help explain the situation.
I’d then inform the mum that I’ve shared my concerns with the school and explained the situation and the best plan of action as agreed by all is for the boys to play separately.
If she carries on after that I’d block her number and if she keeps harassing you I’d take it further.

If she comes up to you, say politely but firmly "please stop harassing me".