Aggressive school mum

[OhWhatNowYouFish]

Our two sons, both KS2 are usually friends but sometimes fall out. Yesterday they fell out and pushed each other and ended up with a graze each. I spoke to my son (again) saying that since he only falls out with this boy, it might be better to just play with his other friends instead, and move on from this friendship. The other mum is very angry, doesn't acknowledge her son's responsibility in any of this, and every time it happens sends me angry texts. She started texting me last night about it and most of today, including trying to get mutual friends involved.

When she text, I said that I think they're equally to blame, but she went on and on and in the end I said that we're just repeatng ourselves and I have nothing further to add. She, however, continued to send angry texts last night and on and off today, which I haven't acknowledged. I'm due to pick my son up soon and am dreading her marching across the playground causing an argument. She's naturally quite loud and aggressive whereas I find any confrontation absolutely mortifying. I don't know what to do.

Contact the school with screenshots. I had this from a bolshy mum and school took it very seriously. Especially as her child had massively exaggerated something that was essentially an accident. She should be feeling embarrassed not you. Suggest that school put something in newsletter about contacting school if there is a problem.

Let your children see how you would like them to behave

Yes, so ignore this woman’s bonkers behaviour and inform the school so they have a heads up in case anything else happens.

I would ask the teacher to keep hold of your dc at the door so you can go over and collect him with the teacher stood there.

It seems the Apple didn’t fall far from the tree with this woman, can’t believe some people on here are suggesting you kiss her arse or meet up with her - she sounds like a psycho!

Ahhh, I’m so fucking HAPPY I don’t have to do the school run anymore 😂

Ugh I really hate parents like this.

I do usually stand with my friends while I wait, but I think they'd just stand there in shock if she came up to me and had a go at me. If be so embarrassed. I'm not sure they'd actively defend me because most people don't want to get involved and escalate things. I like the idea of being on the phone but I don't want to have to ignore my friends every drop off and pick up for the sake of imaginary phone conversations.
All the phone idea gets you is more hiding from the blow out she wants, & the opportunity you have to change your own behaviour in order to change hers.
What you describe above & imagine as an impossible situation is in fact a golden opportunity for you to practice the suggested point 2) above -
Give her full eye contact, stand tall & still, fold your arms across your chest & just watch her like she's a David Attenborough exhibit. Say nothing, respond to nothing, & let her rant.
She'll either run out of steam or other people will start staring & she'll realise she's the only one making a twat of herself.

I told her last night that I had nothing more to add to the conversation and felt we were just repeating ourselves. I then stopped engaging, but it didn't stop her texting and then texting other friends.
You did the right thing.
You can choose to either keep receiving her texts & totally ignoring them, or blocking them altogether.
How do you know she's texted friends - because it's a group chat, or because friends have told you about it? Either way - she's showing herself up, not you, so why does it concern you? Friends on a group chat will be rolling their eyes but ignoring it, friends who receive direct texts & tell you about it know that SHE's the one flogging the dead horse, while YOU'RE the one being adult & not mithering them with petty nonsense.
You should feel good about that, not worried.
If you're worried about the opinion of anyone who is not your friend - stop. You do not need their opinion, good or otherwise.

Both kids say the other one started it, and to be honest, I'm reluctant to apologise just to pacify her. This isn't going to be the last time they argue, and I don't want to have to apologise her every time our kids fall out.
Good instinct!
outofthefog.website/what-not-to-do-1/2015/12/3/jade-dont-justify-argue-defend-explain

Sounds like the boy has a cracking role model there!

How did pick up go?

Hopefully you stood tall

I think something like ‘this isn’t the behaviour I want to encourage in my child’ every time she starts something about covers it. But I would definitely inform the school, there’s no way by KS2 they won’t know what she’s like, she’ll be a notorious repeat offender if she thinks this behaviour is acceptable. And it is relevant to them as it relates to what’s happening on school property.

How is she involving other parents?

I'd imagine most parents/carers at the school know exactly what she's like, and who knows now he's fallen out with your DC they're probably praying that her DC doesn't start befriending theirs.

Hope school pick up went ok.

If you want to make her incredibly more angry.

We had one of these! Awful person, she didn't realise I'd already been subjected to her nonsense with my youngest 15 years prior. I stood up to her, told all new mums her form.

She's left now thank god, as the head explained they'd had enough of her shenanigans.
The kids were actually quite nice, if not embarrassed by their mum, she had mental health issues and ss got involved.

I had this once-we where neighbours and I’d gone to school with her-she was a known bully then
one day she walked up to me tried to slap me and started screaming at me that I’d been having loud sex in the afternoon and I was ‘to keep it down,or she’d batter me’
at the time I was 8 months pregnant,the afternoon she was yelling about-I’d been out and to top it all off,I was single!
she’d seen my dad pop round earlier that day(she didnt know it was my dad-he normally wore his bike leathers) and her evil little brain had come up with ‘man+builtforcomfort=loud sex’
she tried to pull in the flying monkeys but looked a bit of a Wally when the fact it was my dad and not a random bloke was pointed out to her
didnt stop her from mounting a hate campaign against me for the rest of the time my lot where at that school

I swear she was unhinged and was so used to bullying people into having her own way,that when it didn’t happen,she turned nasty until she did

school where useless-they didn’t care one bit at me getting attacked

im so glad my primary school days are behind me

I had this OP, I was contacted over every perceived slight between our children, it was draining and I dreaded looking on FB for yet another message about our children falling out, things came to a head when she sent me a drunken email detailing everything she thought was wrong with DD and myself, that's when I lost it and confronted her in the playground (not in a fishwife shouty way just to let you know!) to ask what the hell she's playing at contacting me every 5 minutes and to let the children sort their own battles out unless it's serious of course, she soon stopped and then the family moved away shortly after thank god.

If there's one thing I cannot stand, it's parents getting involved in, literally, playground stuff. Good grief! This other parent needs telling to back off and leave them to it OR go to the school if she's that concerned. Getting involved and all precious over tittle tattle between little ones is so pathetic, it makes me cringe. These little ones will forever be running to mummy or daddy even in their teens as it's what they'll be used to, and it's actually really quite sad.

Being late 30s I thank god I grew up in a world where mobile phones or social media didn't exist during my school life.
Parents who approach other parents about anything that happens in school between their children are embarrassing. Don't engage. You sound like a great mum. Good luck.

I've also been here but with a school
Dad. He was so aggressive swearing and screaming pointing in my face in front of my younger child. Apparently my DC was bulling his. I reported to the school and it turns out it didn't happen. The school mum who isn't with the dad took his side and I've been ignored ever since. She now have a team 🤣 on her side. Nearly a year has gone past. It's awkward cause other parents are taking sides and I mostly get ignored. If only they knew the truth but I refuse to gossip about it. I have no advice other than hold your head up high and block.

Bloody hell! They sound like they've never actually left school themselves, how pathetic and immature.

OhWhatNowYouFish how did pickup go?

You don't resolve conflicts by blocking and ignoring people. You sort them out by talking to each other. Most people are decent folk and face to face communication usually sorts this sort of thing out and then it is over and done with. So much communication is lost when you use written language I am guessing this is part of the issue here.

That’s fine with reasonable and vaguely intelligent people. It’s obviously not going to work with someone like this though.

It's not OP's conflict if she disengages properly.

Just one angry school mum having an argument with herself.

There is no need to resolve a conflict when you can make it no longer be one by dropping the rope.

She sounds like a bully. Hope all went well OP.

I hope all was ok at pick up OP.
Many years ago when my oldest started primary school I had the same with a batshit parent.
The woman at my DD school was awful and when she realised I wasn't going to rise to her dramas she put her attentions onto another mum. School got fed up and she wasn't allowed to go into the school yard.
Ignore her OP, she is trouble and keep her at arms length.

I may be a bit late but I think the best thing you could do is to call the school/ a member of staff so that the other mother doesn't do anything to you or start a scene.

Report it to the school. They can do something.

Mmmm somehow I think you might not want to do this. As the sensible posters have said, just block her, and inform the school.