Aggressive school mum

[OhWhatNowYouFish]

Our two sons, both KS2 are usually friends but sometimes fall out. Yesterday they fell out and pushed each other and ended up with a graze each. I spoke to my son (again) saying that since he only falls out with this boy, it might be better to just play with his other friends instead, and move on from this friendship. The other mum is very angry, doesn't acknowledge her son's responsibility in any of this, and every time it happens sends me angry texts. She started texting me last night about it and most of today, including trying to get mutual friends involved.

When she text, I said that I think they're equally to blame, but she went on and on and in the end I said that we're just repeatng ourselves and I have nothing further to add. She, however, continued to send angry texts last night and on and off today, which I haven't acknowledged. I'm due to pick my son up soon and am dreading her marching across the playground causing an argument. She's naturally quite loud and aggressive whereas I find any confrontation absolutely mortifying. I don't know what to do.

I think schools have enough to deal with already without being dragged into policing parental interactions.

I think that this is the best type of response to give.
Some people just like to cause aggro and it's best to just disengage.

I wonder what it is she wants? She sounds like anything could set her off but I would probably ask her one time. "What is it that you want?"

I would print off the conversation and email the school with a copy attached and ask that the bogs are kept apart due to the mothers aggression. Add that you will be involving the police if it continues.

Make it formal.

Block her number and refuse to engage.

She is unhinged.

Should she approach you, contact 101 for advice.

Children can fall out, but this is neither normal nor acceptable.

Far better to meet it head on rather than avoiding and it escalating.

This. It's why block function was invented.

It doesn’t matter what she says you have to look calm, relaxed and neutral.

I would simply say: ‘ kids will be kids, if you are concerned speak to Ms (teacher)’ and leave it there, if she persists, continue with the same answer.

’ I agree with you they are not getting along at the moment, children usually work things out in the end’

’ You seem worried, if might be best to bring up with the school’

I would just say very neutral answers. Even if your child is the problem it’s always better to raise it with the school. Don’t apologise, feel you have to explain. Just bright and breezy and quietly block the psycho. Any mother sending multiple texts for days needs to have their anxiety levels checked.

This.

What exactly does she want? What is she saying in her message?

The fact that the kids had a scrap is a non-issue from the fact that as they don’t get on, they are best just avoiding each other.

But the fact that a parent is bombarding you with texts (harassment) and you feel anxious about a possible altercation at the school gates is something the school should be made aware of.

I hope it goes okay op. I would be keeping my child a million miles away from a family that thought text bombardment is an appropriate response to any school issue.

You are behaving like an adult, she is not. Keep your cool, especially in front to the children

I would call the school, tell them a full account and if she is using threatening behaviour towards you, I would be inclined to ask the school to make her wait outside the gates and her child be brought out to her. No one should be worried about picking up their children from school. I would also be asking the school to do their best to keep the boys apart (difficult but they can encourage mixing with others).

Oh god I am having the same thing with my 11 year old dd. Had a minor falling out with a friend yesterday, both girls were as bad as each other as far as I can tell, both sulked for a couple of hours but were best of friends again by the end of school. Total non-event, but culminated in passive aggressive mother texting the class WhatsApp to let everyone know that her daughter had been severely bullied by another pupil in school, and that she would be speaking to the teacher as she wouldn’t want any other child to have to go through what her daughter was subjected to 😱😱😱. Teacher has phoned and said she spoke to both girls and from her perspective it was just a normal disagreement and all resolved, but this mum is clearly a loon and won’t let it drop. Dd is at after-school club today but I’ll have to see the mum tomorrow and have no idea whether to avoid her, act normal or give her hell about publicly accusing my dd of bullying. I think probably shutting it down is best - girls will be girls, teacher has sorted it, come to me directly in future if there is a problem, etc. But I feel really awkward so you have my sympathies OP!!

Adding to above- keep a record of everything so far and show the school. Email as well as speaking to them in person, as then its all on their records. Make sure its seen by the Head and your child’s teacher.

I would send a message to the parent clearly stating not to contact you again in any form (phone or in the playground) and you will be informing the school of their behaviour. Then block the number.

She’s a bully, I’d send her one last message then block her, something like “As all the incidents are happening at school, I’ve made the school aware of your concerns and am leaving them to deal with it. Please don’t contact me again about this as it’s starting to feel like harassment”. Then if she approaches you, repeat and walk away.

Physical fighting at KS2 can get serious.

I would ask to have a word with teacher.

This!!

I agree you should block her. Why let her continue sending abusive and rude texts. Block and if she comes up in the playground tell her to take up the issue with he school and walk away.

I do think you should let school know. Better they be prepared and aware so they can suppprt if needed than for them to have to deal with it out of the blue.

If she approaches you pull a concerned face, tilt your head and say "You seem ever so stressed and angry over the boys falling out, is everything else alright with you?"

I would suggest to her that she is setting her child a bad example by being so aggressive, unkind and badgering, and he is never going to learn how inappropriate fighting others is when she is incapable of understanding when to leave things alone herself…

Pandering to aggressive people never gets the result that you, as a reasonable person, would expect or hope. They just assume you are kowtowing, so feel even more entitled to keep kicking off, due their skewed perception of a pecking order.

The best way to deal with it is to sidestep it. If you refuse to recognise their daft pecking order, all that's left for them is to peck at their own feathers. (Or choose a new victim, sadly, but you are not responsible for that by virtue of creating a vacancy.)

Inform the school about agressive texts from the mum? Don’t be ridiculous.

Speak to her directly and tell her that you’ve heard what she has to say and as far as you’re concerned the matter is now closed.

I can’t believe that you’re letting her silly behaviour affect you. Once you stand up to her, she will leave you alone.

Always stand firm against agressive people. They will soon decide to pick on someone else. That’s what those agressive types always do. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Please tell the school what is happening. Start with the class teacher. This isn't reasonable or rational behaviour on her part.

This other mum is going about it completely the wrong way and shouldn't be harrasing you, but to be honest I think you're coming across as a bit flippant about the physical fighting and bruises. I have a son in primary school and I've never dealt with that.

Text: "I would like to sort this out through the school instead of sending angry messages. You can talk to the teacher if you need to."
Then leave it.

Is this an amorphous terror, or do you have specific concerns about what she might do with her anger?

She's probably already done her worst, frothing herself up to try to pull in Flying Monkeys (texting anybody who will read, buttonholing anyone who will listen) - your best bet is to think "so what? If I can she she's batshit, so can anyone else." & let her crack on with it.

Unless you are scared of a physical altercation, don't hide behind your phone. Just act as you would normally. If she comes as you still frothing, helpful techniques can be:

1. Hold up your hand as is stopping traffic. Politely say"Can I just stop you there?" ... then impolitely turn on your heel & walk away.
2. Give her full eye contact, stand tall & still, fold your arms across your chest & just watch her like she's a David Attenborough exhibit. Say nothing, respond to nothing, & let her rant. She'll either run out of steam or other people will start staring & she'll realise she's the only one making a twat of herself.
3. Say "Take it up with the school, because you are being ridiculous & probably need a teacher to tell you so." Say nothing else (Broken Record technique) - just this phrase on repeat. It's a useful one if you feel prone to voice-wobbles when confronted.

Outside of that - why are you still accepting her aggressive messages on your personal device?
You have no more business tolerating that than you would tolerate physical abuse.
Stop trying to 'defend' yourself - you, & your young child, have nothing to defend.

Are you sure you want him playing with the child of such an aggressive parent - do they play out of school, & that's why you have each other's numbers? I'd put a stop to any of that, I would not want my child potentially subjected to her anger.

Do you think you are 'people-pleasing' ie scared of her anger once she sees you blocked her? Aggressive people don't stop until challenged. Challenge does not equal confrontation. Confrontation can make an aggressor either back down, escalate, or seek a new target. I can't tell you which she will choose, but I CAN tell you that your "path of least resistance" is counter-productive & will get you nothing but more of the same. So choose an option & just do it. The first time is difficult, but up until now, all this woman has taken from your response is that you will KEEP TAKING her aggression - so she has you down as a handy receptacle for her bullshit, who she can use as a verbal/text punchbag without fear of pushback.

So decide: do you want to live in fear of her - essentially - doing nothing more than making a prat of herself for all to see, or do you want to woman up & calmly say "that's enough now."?

I work in a school and we would not mind helping if a parent felt intimidated by another parent. We‘d certainly prefer that to parents arguing in the playground in front of the children.