Dd ill. She didn’t reply to my message

[Isitspringyettho]

My Dd is 4 and has been ill on and off since starting pre school, she’s also missed some pre school due to strikes etc
I recently started a job in someone’s home part time. I’ve had to cancel/rearrange the work a few times due to Dd being ill (have no parents around to help and Dh works full time) or due to strikes. She’s been understanding, until this last time when I apologised for not being able to make it due to Dd being v ill, she hasn’t replied to the message.
There is literally nothing I can do if my Dd is ill.
What would you think of this?
Aibu in thinking you just can’t work with young dc without any family around to help?

His job wouldn’t be jeopardised.

And yes, you absolutely should have called and spoken to her about it. Sending a text was rude, dismissive and unprofessional.

@TheShellBeach His boss needs him
at work, he relies on him, if he starts taking more time off, he’ll obviously get pissed off at him too

I’d be letting you go if I was her. You are not a reliable employee. Your partners job, pay, or even your daughter, are not your employers problem. It sounds like they have been accommodating so far which is a reasonable expectation as shit happens, but 3 times in 3 weeks is taking the piss from her perspective.

And your boss needs you too.

If you're not willing to leave DD with a sitter or split sick days then you should look for a different job around DH's hours so neither of you need to take time off when she's unwell.

If your DH has had his job for years then he will have good legal protections and presumably sufficient brownie points to take a few days' parental leave. This should not fall entirely to you, especially in a new role.

We both work full time. We take days off to cover sickness in turns, taking into account important meetings etc. Why should women's careers suffer because they're the default carer?

You can either work, and have better childcare, or not work and look after your child all the time.

If I was your employer I'd be really irritated by your unreliability and would also probably let you go. Although it does depend on what your job is, I suppose.

But seriously, how do you think other people manage working with looking after (poorly) children?

So you're knowingly and willingly leaving her in the lurch.

Is your husbands job really more important to you than your own? I understand what you're saying about money but if he was to be made redundant or have an accident and need a prolonged period of time off, you having reliable, regular money will make all the difference.

Part time jobs aren't less important.

DH and I both WFH, which makes things easier. When DC are ill, we check our week's schedule, look at important meetings and deadlines etc, then allocate childcare cover accordingly.

For the most part, we work half a day each and swap childcare midway through, making up hours early and in the evenings and weekends where possible/necessary.

I know we're lucky to be able to WFH flexibly, I think our employers appreciate that we always work at least part of the day so work isn't completely dropped.

If I'm genuinely ill I don't work though, I think it's daft in terms of the quality of work you produce, length of time before you get back up to speed and your own health. Your employer won't pay for your funeral, you know. At the end of the day your health is more important than your boss' bottom line.

Being honest here, I would probably be looking for someone else at this stage. I am sympathetic but I would need a job done and through no fault of your own you seem unreliable. Particularly the case if she needs to rearrange things herself or do the work in your absence e.g cleaner

If you’ve all been ill for “quite some time” then why have you started a new job? And if DH has been at his full time job years then he has parental rights and it’s totally acceptable for him to use them if needed.

three absences in as many weeks is taking the piss and I’d have fired you by week two.

This is just an unfortunate situation.

If the person you are doing work for is annoyed then she's got every right to be. Your problems are nothing to do with her, she probably just wants the job done.

As you haven't heard from her and you're unsure about tomorrow, I would give her a ring, apologise again and ask her what she wants to do about tomorrow.

She doesn’t need to do any work and I’m not putting work on her, there are options to make it up on other days and the job is able to be flexible. I still feel crap about it and unprofessional. Maybe she isn’t annoyed and I'm just being paranoid..I don’t know

What type of work is it you're doing?

@Noodlehen Because we need the money and i’m generally able to push through illness myself-to make sure I get there and then go home and lie down/be sick etc. With Dd I can’t, she obviously needs me and to be looked after

Well ring her then and find out what the situation is. You're not going to know otherwise.

This is why a friend and I got evening jobs. Husbands home so no worries. They were mundane jobs but gave both of us extra money. We had no grandparents to cover either.

Your circumstances are why I’ve worked shifts for years. DH came in from work and I went out. I never needed childcare for school holidays/illness etc

There are options for you to do it on other days, that doesn’t mean it suits her.
I’m going to assume it’s cleaning, but it doesn’t really matter what the job it. If she’s hired a cleaner it’s probably on the day her house is quiet, maybe she wants it clean for the weekend, technically you can go on the weekend but maybe she doesn’t want to have to take her family out for you to have a free house.

I'm confused why would you be working in someone else's house when you are unwell? Wouldn't that be passing it on to them? Especially as you mention you can 'be sick' as soon as you get home.

That seems unprofessional

Don't be flippant. The job that pays the majority of the bills has to take priority.

I expect she's annoyed. You have to deal with that in an adult way. How could she possibly be pleased, three times in three weeks and you've only just started.

You said you can get a sitter. You are lucky to be able to get a sitter to a sick child. That's your answer. That's what you have to do.

I know it's not great, but it's the best of a bad job.

YABU

If you are refusing to allow anyone else to do childcare when your child is ill (and it is refusing because you could get a babysitter but won't - which is your choice) and your husband doesn't step up to take his share of days off then you need to do a job that is during your husband's time off or is 100% flexible, which this one isn't.

You are working in someone else's home, and within a short space of time you have repeatedly called off/rearranged the time you go because of a child's illness. We all know children get sick but 3 weeks in a row, early on in a working relationship, where you have been unreliable is not a good look for the person you're working for. If it was someone you'd been working for for a long time, were unfalteringly reliable, but we're going through a difficult patch with sickness then they'd be more likely to give you leeway as you would have built up some goodwill but you haven't so they're probably just considering cutting their losses and trying someone else.

If it was me then, after yet another rearranged appointment, I'd be looking for someone more reliable ... If I want you to come on Tuesday lunchtime and you agree to Tuesday lunchtime I would expect you to come on Tuesday lunchtime. The fact I am available on Saturday afternoon should not mean that I should have to keep that time free just in case you want to change the time. As a one off, fine but if it becomes a regular thing then I'd be looking for someone who can commit, and turn up, when I need them to.

I’m not really sure why you’ve posted, as you’re being unnecessarily snippy to posters who have made perfectly valid suggestions. If your husband won’t have the time off work and you’re unwilling to get a sitter, that’s your prerogative, but as a family you need to own your choices.

I have a preschooler too and I completely get that they constantly bring home germs, but is she really so unwell that she can’t attend? If I kept my son off every time he had a minor sniffle, he’d never go.

Whichever way you cut it, being off for the third time in three weeks makes you unreliable - at most companies you’d be hitting a trigger for an attendance improvement plan.

It’s not a big and important job, but the one he’s had for years, the most stable one and the one we need to keep the most, otherwise we’re really screwed!

You're in the UK? he can't be fired for asking for a sick day for his child. And it is not up to his employer to deny that and tell him that you have to take the hit. You both work, you are both parents to the child. There will be times it's easier for you to cover. Pissing off a brand new employer/client at this stage is more dangerous for your job than his, i would imagine.
He must ask - but if he won't, you know where you stand and he needs to pay into your pension etc so you don't miss out from not being able to work

FWIW we live in a different country to our families, and moved while pg with DC1 so no network. You have to make it work somehow. It was a lovely, expensive, flexible childminder for us

The man with the big, important job they've had for years yadda yadda should be in a better place to take time off than you.

I got so pissed off with this in lockdown when all these Mothers were taking on all the childcare/homeschooling/household as well as their own jobs, and the women would say "but but but, he's SO important".