Dd ill. She didn’t reply to my message

[Isitspringyettho]

My Dd is 4 and has been ill on and off since starting pre school, she’s also missed some pre school due to strikes etc
I recently started a job in someone’s home part time. I’ve had to cancel/rearrange the work a few times due to Dd being ill (have no parents around to help and Dh works full time) or due to strikes. She’s been understanding, until this last time when I apologised for not being able to make it due to Dd being v ill, she hasn’t replied to the message.
There is literally nothing I can do if my Dd is ill.
What would you think of this?
Aibu in thinking you just can’t work with young dc without any family around to help?

Is it the kind of job you could ‘bank’ a few hours and get ahead of yourself, for these sort of instances?

She probably is annoyed. She’s entitled to be. Whether you can help it or not, you are being unreliable.

You cannot help having a poorly child. You're doing your best. Don't beat yourself up about it and just continue being the best mum you can be. That's all that matters x

YNBU to need to look after your DD- and yes when they first start nursery etc it’s one thing after another and I completely sympathise as someone with a small child and little support, BUT I think given the nature of your job YABU to not expect your employer to be annoyed- it messes them around.

Is she your only employer? It might be worth trying to get a pt job with a larger place. When the children were smaller I worked a 4 day week and I’d swap my day off or swap to a weekend shift when dc were ill/ strikes. I’d also swap to help others so it didn’t feel one sided. Some places will be more flexible; they often pay less though.

I’ve had to make my son (same age) go into school when he was ill, or I’d lose my job. Really consider if they are truly that ill to not go in.

🤣

The employer needs you to be reliable. It is up to you and your husband sort out proper childcare. And perhaps consider just how "ill" your child is, as this is an awful lot of separate incidents in a very short time period. Other people manage, with no extended family support.

Your child has 2 parents and both of you should be taking time off to care for dd when necessary. It's not fair on your employer that you are always the one to take time off when you could split it 50/50 with another parent.

It's hard - just before Xmas we had DS off with chicken pox and then 2 weeks later his nursery closed for a deep clean because so many of the children had cp/sf/strep a. Me and DH shared the juggling and both our employers were happy we were doing what we could. I'd fully expect my employer to be pissed off it was always me ringing in to say I couldn't come in while my husband carried on regardless.

And perhaps the op isn’t in the uk either…

having said that, I get the MN thing that the health system in the UK is appalling, but on the flip side I have family currently in the throes of treatment and who is happy with the service so far..

Either or, I can understand the Boss is feeling some frustration that it’s “same excuse, different day”. OP hasn’t had enough time to build up a trusted repoire with the business yet.

She's not in the UK, she said upthread.

This, except when it is the woman's job then it's 50:50.

Couldn’t your DD sit quietly with a toy or book, or sleep, if she’s ill? I used to go into work with my mum during school holidays sometimes when I was very small and childcare wasn’t available that day for whatever reason, a four year old isn’t a two year old, they can sit still for a few hours…

Why would your DH lose his job by taking leave to look after his sick child?

OP It is very hard. I've been trough similar but 14 years ago. They were constantly ill. No family near.
It gets better. The first few years when they start nursery, school are the worse because they catch every virus going. Explain to your employer. Work hard. I managed to keep my job even if for the fist few years I was a terrible employee having to many time drop everything and run home because nursery or school called. We had to prioritise the income of the main earner and I wanted to look after them. Good luck I hope your employers is understanding

@Isitspringyettho what is your job? It might help people advise if they knew?

I feel for you OP. It's not as simple as some posters make it out to be. My ex DH used to travel a lot for work, so a lot of the time DS was poorly, he just wasn't there. I didn't have any close family, no friends who were comfortable looking after someone else's poorly child (it's a big ask and big responsibility) so I ended up being 'unprofessional' and having to take a lot of short notice time off to look after sick DS. It didn't go down well and I ended up working for myself. Still has its own issues because I have no sick pay but it's a lot less stressful in this respect.

The thing was, he was picking up the bugs from nursery, and he was only in nursery because I was working, so it was this maddening vicious cycle that was mentally and physically draining.
When DH was home he would do his share of course, but at the same time he was our main salary by a lot so we didn't want to jeopardise that money, we couldn't survive off mine!
It really annoys me when people are just like 'get DH to cover' because often it really isn't that simple. My best friend for example is the highest earner and her DH always takes the time off sick for this reason, as she just can't put her job and salary at risk.
I think a lot of people on here just don't like to admit that sometimes one of you not working IS easier in the earlier years (easier in this context, not in many others!).

Regardless of whether she's had enough etc, it's a common courtesy to reply and let you know either way.

Yeah, did your employer broach the subject today?

It’s so bloody hard! We have 3 children, husband always worked away, all family and friends working full time, it was just me! I would be racing around and constantly stressed and exhausted, some months childcare cost more than I earned! So we decided that I would stay home, it worked well for us divided and concurred, i built us a lovely home, kids all happy and settled, my husband worked his way up to a great job with high pay. We definitely did what was necessary at the time but now I’m a little lost as the kids are all at school and I’m hunting for a job but I’m out of the loop. However I don’t know of any couples able to juggle it all, unless they’re separated and getting fees paid or so loaded they can hire help or they have full family support usually in the form of grandparents

You need to get to the root of why she is ill so often. Have you seen your GP about it? It's not acceptable to constantly trot out excuses to your employer who has every right to get iffy as it's happened so often.
In her place, I'd tell you that unless you can reliably turn up to work, then the arrangement will stop. You can't expect work to accomodate constant absences.

I'm sorry it's not what you want to hear and I feel for your situation - but you are being unreasonable.
As a mother and an employer I can see the situation from both sides. You need a contingency plan for situations like this. You can't constantly let your employer down - as they are relying on you. If you're continuously unreliable, especially from the outset, they will just find someone else who can do the job and turn up!
I agree that your husband 'with big important job' should be helping out, but I also understand that he needs to show up and have consistency, no point in you both losing your jobs.
Maybe you could find a job that is more flexible or work from home?

By illnesses, do you mean the various bugs and colds all kids get back to back when they start school? Bloody hell, unless it’s the vomiting thing, send her in! You can’t get her into thinking a cold is ‘so ill’ - ‘so ill’ is something that’s an actual illness, not a flipping cold.

To those lynching the husband, sometimes it's not as simple as husbands/partners just taking the day off. My husband is a nurse in a specialist role and I'm a cleaner, not really comparable is it? For many families it's also important to maintain the full time position so it's easier to let the part timer take the hit with illness etc. It's really tough OP, it is possible to work with kids but you need very understanding clients and it's sods law that illness clumps together as you're likely to get whatever your DD gets, so sorry and I hope you get things sorted

I think the OP is long gone...,

Maybe for you, my son's has had 3 or 3 with another 2 at the end of the month