Dd ill. She didn’t reply to my message

[Isitspringyettho]

My Dd is 4 and has been ill on and off since starting pre school, she’s also missed some pre school due to strikes etc
I recently started a job in someone’s home part time. I’ve had to cancel/rearrange the work a few times due to Dd being ill (have no parents around to help and Dh works full time) or due to strikes. She’s been understanding, until this last time when I apologised for not being able to make it due to Dd being v ill, she hasn’t replied to the message.
There is literally nothing I can do if my Dd is ill.
What would you think of this?
Aibu in thinking you just can’t work with young dc without any family around to help?

You said recently started the job and had 3, is this the 4th time off/request to change, how recent did you start. You can understand her side surely?

@KickingScreaming No

What do you think other people do, part and parcel of being a working parent I’m afraid

@itsnote It’s not a big and important job, but the one he’s had for years, the most stable one and the one we need to keep the most, otherwise we’re really screwed!

The third time in 3 weeks is too much. You need to have some kind of back up plan, if your dh won't take time off surely you've someone friends or family who can help (i know you say not in your op but you must have some connections somewhere). If not then it doesn't seem workable tbh.

Sorry, I know it's hard with work and young dc but to to have just started a new job and rearranged 3 times in 3 weeks will obviously cause your employer a lot of inconvenience.

Could you switch to permanently working weekends for a bit to save messing them around then back to normal when things settle down?

@Janiie All friends have kids and most of them ill too at the moment or obviously don’t want to get sick themselves, which I wouldn’t either

I agree your husband needs to do more. I know you're not in the uk but some countries have better employment laws (eg harder to sack someone) so depends where you are...but in a way he is in a better position having worked somewhere for years they must know he is reliable. If be very surprised if he was sacked for taking emergency holiday to look after a sick child after years of good service

You're taking the mick. Either give up the job or get your husband to pull his weight.

@DarkForces Ive said I can do weekends too, but there are days during the week also

Has DH even tried to take time off to cober illness? The only way it works is if both parents do a share of cover. The other option is you don’t work for now

@GoodChat How am I taking the mick when my young daughter is ill, am I supposed to send her to school this ill?

You have two options here

Option one you see all childcare as your responsibility and therefore don't work as you have no back up plan

Option two you see childcare as joint responsibility and therefore share the load so that you can work.

Fully understand that you see his job as more important as it's FT etc but this is a conversation you need to have if you are going to work

No, you ask your husband to parent once in a while so you can go to work

@Gizlotsmum He took time off when I was ill a few weeks ago (before I started the job)
This is the problem, we’ve all been so ill for quite a long time (never normally are) that we’ve been fighting it

Where would your dd be, if she was not ill?
If in school/nursery there must be other children also ill.
What do other families do?
If you tried, could you make a mutual support group with other parents, I mean only for the minor childhood illnesses.

@strawberriesarenot Lots are ill too at the moment, they have family close by-grandparents etc

YABU. Your childcare issues are not her problem.

Anyone paying for a service is going to want a reliable person, and if you can’t be it, regardless of the reason, of course they’re going to get pissed off and find someone else.

That's tricky. I'd probably ask for a proper meeting with them and lay your cards on the line about the fact you need a lot of flexibility but you can offer xyz in return. Think about if there's any added value you can give or if you could work unsocial hours. Apologise and focus on moving forward. At least you'll know where you stand

I don't think any employer, whatever the job, would be fine with an employee being absent frequently.

I have sympathy with your situation but either you're in a position to work (which means turning up 95% of the time) or you're not.

If you're going to need to be at home a lot with your DD then you need to find a job you can do from home.

I'm self-employed because I know that as a single parent to a young child who gets a high temperature at the drop of a hat that just now it won't work for me to get a job where I'm required to be at a set place at a set time because I am choosing to prioritise being at home for my daughter.

Right - how long is the no reply? She has stuff in her life too. You've told her you're not coming in. Presumably you can see she's read it.
What response did you want. Did you ask for a response? Was there a question in your message?
You've let her down badly and now you're moaning cos she's not falling over herself to respond. Yabu.

You may end up getting sacked if your DH doesn't do his share.

No but you're not supposed to cancel or rearrange three days of work in three weeks with a new employer.

You only work part time so there's no reason your husband can't cover some of the days you're working.

Because you have a husband who needs to step up and do his fair share of sick days 🤷🏻‍♀️

Honestly I would think you were taking the piss. 3 times in 3 weeks would be too much for me.
At the end of the day anyone can say their child’s sick. I’ve lost track of how many times a builder’s grandmother has died. People make stuff up all the time 🤷‍♀️
once every now and again I would obviously be understandable but not 3 weeks in a row, it doesn’t really matter what the reason is. If I’m paying for you to do a job I would need someone reliable.