Dd ill. She didn’t reply to my message

[Isitspringyettho]

My Dd is 4 and has been ill on and off since starting pre school, she’s also missed some pre school due to strikes etc
I recently started a job in someone’s home part time. I’ve had to cancel/rearrange the work a few times due to Dd being ill (have no parents around to help and Dh works full time) or due to strikes. She’s been understanding, until this last time when I apologised for not being able to make it due to Dd being v ill, she hasn’t replied to the message.
There is literally nothing I can do if my Dd is ill.
What would you think of this?
Aibu in thinking you just can’t work with young dc without any family around to help?

In most US states they absolutely can (and do as many ex employees of Twitter can attest). The OP has not said where she is other than she is not in the UK.

@Squamata You're completely right, it doesn’t work the same way as in the U.K.

If that's genuinely the case, she should never have taken this job in the first place, knowing that she'd be the one picking up all the slack. It's not fair on her employer.

Work weekends or evenings or opposing shifts like millions of other families do for a few years. Does it suck? Sure, but it saves all this stress over childcare and sickness.

Yabu and I let a cleaner go for the same reason. I'm not surprised she's frustrated with you.

DH and I both work full time. We have no relatives or close friends locally and have 2 children. I've been back at work full time since the eldest was 1. DH and I share sick days.

I’m not a cleaner, nothing like a cleaner 🙈

But maybe if you just took your kid with you while you clean, you'd be fine

@GoodChat Eh 🤷🏻‍♀️My child can’t be around during my job or no one can concentrate, she won’t sit quietly for a few hours

It was a joke.

Are you teaching them languages?

To be honest, it doesnt matter what your job is. If you arent reliable then they wont want to keep employing you. Its not your fault your child is ill but it certainly isnt theirs.

It'sl a well known fact that when children start nursery and pre school even the first few years of school they catch everything going. You have only been in the job 3 weeks and already said you can't make it so perhaps just send your daughter into school as she will have something almost every other week. That way you don't need to rely on anyone.

I'm thinking you may not have a job now.

@GoodChat Sorry, my humour isn’t great this week 😬

@momtoboys Do you really think so?

@Togoodtobeforgotten I've been sending her in with most things that they all have, but when she’s crying and exhausted and not sleeping at night, there’s no way I can do that

What actual answer do you want?

Is she annoyed? Yes, she is, it’s three times in three weeks.

Can you do anything about it? Sounds like you can’t so you just have to hope she forgives it and doesn’t fire you.

Theres not much more to say!

The fact that she hasn't responded yo your text may be an indication of that.

Sorry if repeating have only read half the the thread.

I was in the same position. One of my kids was absent for 25% of the school year once and I have more than one. I honestly don't know how one is supposed to manage with both parents working, though I appreciate every seems to (though it's very hard for them to.) The school asked me to send her in sick to minimise absence but she was just sent home most days.

I ended up going self employed as I just didn't know what else to do.

I think the thing is that two things are true here:

You are in a tricky situation and it's not your fault your child is sick

Taking 3 days off in 3 weeks is absolutely taking the mick and your position doesn't seem tenable.

The good news is kids tend to have an initial period of catching absolutely everything and then I'm their immune systems get more robust from it and they're absent a lot less.

I'm sorry but I'm voting YABU because no matter how sincere your issue is, it's unreasonable to expect an employer to do without you so frequently, especially in a new role where you haven't proved your commitment yet.

In your position I'd start looking for a job you can do at home or around your partners work hours.

Was the job intended to be flexible or did you agree to set days or hours when you started?

What is your job?

@momtoboys Wouldn't she say though, rather than just not replying?

What do I do then

@GoodChat The nature of the job means hours can be made up at weekends etc, she seems ok with that. But we made days and hours based around my Dd being in pre school

If you are doing something like TEFL, is perfectly possible to do it online, via Zoom. Maybe on the days you can't turn up, you suggest doing it like that, at a reduced cost, in the evening.

Don't do anything other than go to work tomorrow if you can and apologise for not being in today and that you've made arrangements for if your daughter is unwell again.

If she wants to sack you she will, but personally if I was her I'd have told you today to not bother coming in again if I was going to sack you.

Ah fair enough. Just reiterate when you see her that you're making up the hours etc, just be factual and clear about exactly when you'll make them up.

@GoodChat So you wouldn’t message to check? I don’t want anything awkward in the morning. Yes, if it was me, I would have replied that it’s not really working out etc