Who takes the burnt food or ends in your house?

[Skyofplanets]

In your family who takes the less desirable bits of food?

I'm talking about things like if you have portions of lasagne and one fell apart, the bit of toast that is slightly too dark, or the end of the garlic bread, the sausage that split or the fillet that got a bit stuck to the pan what ever means that while all are completely edible one is slightly worse.

I once read something (which I can't find now!) about that women, in particular mothers have a tendency to give themselves the less desirable portion as part of their sacrifice to the family. I think it called it pigeon toast, in that the toast that might used to be fed to the pigeons because its caught, then becomes the mothers when they have children as she's too rushed to cook a new slice. It also said there's differences I'n culture's about if the children get given the broken food signifying that they are expected to come second to parents, or if they are given the better bits because of the feeling around providing being a parents job.

It popped up in my head when
I noticed my completely lovely DP, will serve himself the better portion. We both try and even it up eg. If there's 2 naff bits, then we will get one each, but if there's a third then dp will take it. I gently teased him about it, and he said that it was a reward for cooking. I realised that completely subconsciously I would always give him the better bit.

Obviously it's not a major issue in my life, however I've noticed this in other people. For example when BLW I've watched lots of friends have chose the meals they've had in restaurants based on if the baby could have some and while not picking something they hate often picking a second choice while the dad tends to just pick what he'd like off the menu

What does this look like in your family?

There was a long thread on this a couple of months ago. Perhaps someone else remembers enough about it to find it, I haven’t been able to.
In our house we each give one another the ‘best’ bits, and in a restaurant we both chose our meals taking into account sharing with the kids.

Luckily, there's a variety of preferences here that means there often isn't a worst bit to someone. E.g. I like the garlic bread ends and someone else likes a burned steak or overdone eggs etc.

However, outside of prefrence it's actually pretty balanced with each of us volunteering to have the duff portion ("I don't mind eaten the smashed up piece").

I don't have a set 'rule', as some people Peter things differently to others - so I divide it the way that I think would suit everyone best.

Found it www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4692405-dh-serves-himself-the-best-bits

I do almost none of our household cooking, so would have to consult with DH on his philosophy about distributing less-perfectly-formed portions of things.

DS is a deeply fussy eater with a tiny appetite, so we both prioritise getting any form of healthy food into him.

I am not a self-sacrificing person, and maternal self-martyrdom makes me irritated. I am the eldest daughter of a chronic people-pleasing martyr, and my sisters and I learned very early to develop good boundaries and self-esteem, take our own wishes seriously etc. In my experience martyrs are seething with suppressed fury they’re often not even aware of.

I deliberately refuse to take the crappy bits. I do 99% of all the cooking, so I feel entitled to get some cook's treats.

I am an important member of my family. I'm not a martyr. I'm not precious about food but I'm not going to short change myself. If no one wants a burnt bit, it can go in the bin and everyone else can have smaller bits.

I don't think this is too much of a thing in our house - ds prefers the end pieces of the garlic bread and dh loves burnt food! I don't recall dh ever giving himself more or better food. What does happen however, is quite often I am last to get my hands on the serving pot, as everyone dives in before me. I have mentioned it and everyone is contrite, but it happens again and again.

The server would take the rubbish bits

I try to split the less desirable bits. If someone has had a particularly hard day or whatever then they'll get the nicest bit.

DH is like that with food in restaurants. Would never think to order with the children in mind. But also hates food waste so won't want to get them their own thing.

It's me because I like the burnt bits and the crusty ends.

The server (me or DH) usually take the bits that fall apart. It tastes the same.

I don't serve burned food though. I don't burn it, or, if toast, the extra darkness can be scraped off.

If I'm serving ill give myself the 'worst' but DH will always give me the best bit if he cooks.

It varies. Often different people like things differently in our house so it works itself out. E.g eldest likes toast more on the burnt side, loves the end of the garlic bread or French stick.

If it’s something likely to cause them to bicker like a broken sausage then I will have it as it doesn’t bother me as much as it bothers them.

I always take the burned / less nice bits when I'm serving myself and give whomever I'm serving the best bits. Dh does the same.

The kids come first. Especially the older one who has got eating issues and is severely under weight always gets the best cuts if I think she's more likely to eat them. That will have to change of course when the younger one isn't a baby anymore and can see the difference. When I cook I often make something child friendly that dh doesn't like and sometimes there is nothing left for him (or me) if there was only enough for the kids. I don't mind as there is always enough bread and cheese in the house to eat, which I love but I've just realised that it might not be very nice for dh.

My partner will always give me the ‘nice’ bits if he is cooking, whereas I split it fairly if possible- a few overdone chips, for example. I have no objection to the nicer half of something being the reward for doing the cooking.

It’s the same with DSDs. I would never give them all the overdone chips, but I also wouldn’t not give them some of the overdone chips. I wouldn’t give them burnt toast though!

I do all the cooking, I always take the worst/smallest portion. I would feel guilty otherwise

My husband generally has the burnt/fallen apart/slightly dodgy bits, because he’s just a bit less fussy! He also eats all mine and the children’s crusts and leftovers too. He’s the family food bin 😂

If I’ve cooked it I usually give myself the worst bit but it’s mentally because I feel responsible for letting it burn / cutting it badly etc rather than because I am putting others first.

If DH notices when I’m serving he usually volunteers for the least nice piece and he will also serve himself the worst but when he cooks (though this hardly ever happens).

We both prioritise giving the kids the bits they can eat but they are young so we’re still watching textures / salt etc. I’m not planning on giving them those bits forever! In restaurants we have similar tastes so we often choose two meals between us so we can include eg something spicy and have half, then something we can share with the kids too.

Oh and I do 95% of the cooking FWIW

Good question. I'm ebf at the moment so take the bigger portion if there is one. But in terms of the dodgy looking but equally tasty part, I'll usually take it as I genuinely don't care how it looks. I'm not big on food presentation like dh is so he gets the prettier plate of food if I'm serving up. He likes to make it look nice so if there's a dodgy bit he'll hide it equally or just manage to make it all look nice.

I think it depends what it is too. If it's my favourite thing and dh isn't fussed he'll take the end piece, and vice versa.

Same here.
DH doesn’t actually care what food looks like as long as it tastes good. He also doesn’t like throwing food away whereas I don’t generally eat leftovers

Completely agree that sometimes you don't mind a naff bit. I prefer garlic bread ends for example, and I'd give dc some broken things because I'm probably going to cut it up anyway

I'll have a read of that thread, it looks like what I struggled to word

I guess it was a sense that I was becoming martyr for something that absolutely no body had asked me to do! I wondered where I picked it up from and then realised a lot of women I know do it

This reminds me of Terri Hatcher from Desperate Housewives. She called her biography Burnt Toast in recognition of this.
I don't do it personally, I would make portions smaller, no-one wants the burnt bits.

Generally whoever is serving gives the other the best bits. DD 3yo will get whatever she is most likely to eat but that isn’t always ‘best’ - might be the bit with more cheese on.
Often DH might get the bigger portion eg 2 eggs and we’ll have one each, but that means if there’s one which cracked then that goes to him.
Baby led weaning I was probably more aware of ordering things DS could join in with - or things easy to eat while breastfeeding - but often I’d just get what I wanted and a side of veg.

Yep I do too. I take the worst bits for me. But DH gives me the best bits when he cooks. So we even out!