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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Late picking up DD from nursery

511 replies

hellomynameissuzy · 30/01/2023 16:59

I was 10 minutes late picking up my DD from nursery today. The educator that did hand over was not happy at all! She didn’t say a word to me, not even hello or goodbye to my 2 year old DD. She didn’t say anything when I apologised for being late so I couldn’t explain my reason for being late.
The nursery closes at 3pm, I arrived at 3.10pm.
I couldn’t ring ahead and let them know as my phone is broken atm.
AIBU to be upset about the educator being like this towards me? She has only been at this nursery since November. It makes me not want to send her back.

OP posts:
TiddleyWink · 30/01/2023 18:15

unvillage · 30/01/2023 18:11

It's distressing for the child to watch all their friends go home and end up being the only one there still waiting. Was your daughter upset?

What on earth is the point of asking that? What a nasty, passive aggressive way to try and make the OP feel awful. And totally irrelevant to the question she asked. Just being unkind for fun.

Clingypup · 30/01/2023 18:15

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ as it looked like the work of a troll.

Clara84 · 30/01/2023 18:15

The nursery member of staff is being completely unreasonable. You don't treat people like that.

Yes you were late and should have had a penalty and even a dressing down. She has every right to be annoyed. Of course she does. She has every right to tell you it is unacceptable.

But the silent treatment?? That's really out of order.

toastfiend · 30/01/2023 18:16

I don't really understand why she was expected to be polite to you - she was there outside of working hours, in a job that hardly pays well enough that overtime should be expected, and you hadn't had the courtesy - as far as she knew - to call and explain. I realise your phone was broken, but she doesn't know that. As others have said, if a different parent does this every night then that's a huge amount of extra time she's having to cover. She probably was polite about it the first 50 times it happened. I expect by this point she's heard every excuse in the book.

Sherrystrull · 30/01/2023 18:17

Why were you late?

A cheery 'sorry I'm late! would have annoyed me too.

surreygirl1987 · 30/01/2023 18:17

She could have said hello and goodbye, but honestly you are the unreasonable one. I find it amazing that parents think this is okay.

RaininSummer · 30/01/2023 18:17

It must have been at bit stressful for the nursery worker too as she had no idea how late you were running and was no doubt concerned about her own after work stuff

GraceandMolly · 30/01/2023 18:18

I work in a place where I leave 10 minutes before I collect my own daughter. There is not a minute spare. You being 10 minutes late would really inconvenience me and having your phone off even more annoying. She couldn’t check how long you will be. YABU

ThePreacherLikesTheCold · 30/01/2023 18:18

Don't worry OP, I'm sure it was out of your control and you didn't do it on purpose.

I think in most jobs we've all stayed an extra 10 minutes late here and there (daily!). Unless you're a repeat offended I don't see the need for them to behave so rudely.

namechange1487 · 30/01/2023 18:18

hellomynameissuzy · 30/01/2023 17:54

None, she didn’t even try calling me, my phone is on and I can get notifications through etc but the screen is severely cracked so it’s unusable

So why didn't you phone the nursery?

Toomuchinfor · 30/01/2023 18:19

hellomynameissuzy · 30/01/2023 17:27

I wouldn’t know if there are late fees since she ignored me and didn’t say anything 😅

You're about to discover there are :)

Pigriver · 30/01/2023 18:19

I'm a nursery teacher and we have parents picking up 10 mins every day. This is most annoying after the morning session as we only have 30 mins for lunch. Once a parent strolled in an HOUR late on his phone with no apology. He certainly didn't get the silent treatment. He got it both barrels.
Tbh late collection smacks of you not respecting someone else's time. You need a working phone and need to call if you're going to be late. If nothing else we can explain to your child why they are sat waiting on their own as little ones often get upset if left after everyone else has gone.

Not sure where the smiley face came from and my phone is refusing to delete it?😀

Chickpea17 · 30/01/2023 18:20

Her time is just as important as your time.

StanFransDisco · 30/01/2023 18:20

She's probably ( very understandably) at the end of her tether. Imagine if every parent turned up 'only' 10 minutes late. Doesn't half add up over the course of a week.

starfishmummy · 30/01/2023 18:20

I am early generally for school pick up because I don’t want to run the risk of being late but of course, it happens once a year or so. It happens to everyone

No. It really doesn't happen to everyone.

GrohlOnAPole · 30/01/2023 18:20

She should have been professional and polite though I can understand her being annoyed as it could be really inconvenient. It’s not a great role model for children to see one adult being off with another.

id expect a late fee too - I’d get one if I was 10 mins late to pick up dd from nursery.

reddwarfgeek · 30/01/2023 18:21

YANBU these things happen.
Must be something about today OP. I was just about to post a thread about this! I was late to pick DD today too, by 4 minutes and was 20 last week 😕 I called for the 20 minute one but not today. I do a 60 mile round trip and traffic, although I keep my eye on it , is hurrendous. When I can see a crash happening in front of me or see the time on maps going up I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack. I absolutely hate being late but we only have 1 car, I work far away and have a job to do. That'll be 2 £15 fines this month.

Would anyone else be able to collect your DD? It must be worth putting something in place. The stress is horrible and you can't help it.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 30/01/2023 18:22

She could have been more professional, but I absolutely wouldn’t raise it. You were in the wrong, so some small discourtesy is not completely unwarranted.

forfuckssake23 · 30/01/2023 18:23

TiddleyWink · 30/01/2023 18:13

I think all the people laying into the OP for being late are missing the point. She’s fully admitting she was in the wrong to be late and would have accepted a fine and a reprimand as very fair. Her question was whether it’s an acceptable reaction from the staff member to basically sulk at her and give her the silent treatment.

All the people ranting about the unpaid overtime it adds up to etc are absolutely right but the OP seems fully in agreement with that so it’s not really helpful to keep pointing that out, or the subject of the thread.

Would those posters say that a reasonable, adult, professional response would be sulky silent treatment as opposed to administering a fine and dishing out any consequences in a polite and calm way as per the terms of the contract?! If so, they need to grow up or get out of the workplace!

This!! Yes OP was wrong to be late. But that wasn't her question. And in answer to her question- yes, worker acted in a childish unprofessional manner.

zmq3Zm96uijcs2c · 30/01/2023 18:23

It would be pretty rude to turn up at closing time and expect a full handover, if you want that you need to be there at least five to ten minutes before close. If they don’t fine you then count yourself lucky.

unvillage · 30/01/2023 18:23

TiddleyWink · 30/01/2023 18:15

What on earth is the point of asking that? What a nasty, passive aggressive way to try and make the OP feel awful. And totally irrelevant to the question she asked. Just being unkind for fun.

Show quote history

I mean, thinking more about why the staff member might have been cross. But sure, project away.

Notimeforaname · 30/01/2023 18:24

Yeah I used to be on this position.

It was you 10 minutes late today op...its somebody else the next day and so on.

So as a pp said if that happens 5 times in one week that's almost an hour of unpaid work. Its infuriating at times.

RedHelenB · 30/01/2023 18:25

sjxoxo · 30/01/2023 18:10

@sunnydayhereandnow are you saying the staff hand kids over to other parents’? My DS’s nursery would never ever do this even if someone offered!

Show quote history

Why not if their parent badgered to it and let nursery know?

RedHelenB · 30/01/2023 18:26

That should say parent agreed to it.

Jojobees · 30/01/2023 18:27

A 3pm close time sounds like a preschool/nursery as opposed to full day care nursery. These type of settings are notoriously low paid with 38 weeks of the year pay. Most will be staffed by parents of small children due to the term time shorter hours, so you’ve likely made her late to get her own Dc.
If you are struggling to make work fit in with the compressed hours I suggest moving her to a large chain 8-6 day nursery.
My Dc attends a preschool that closes at 2:30. They are out of the building by 2:35 and most are at the local school for picking up their own children at 2:45.
One child was consistently late, 5 to 10 mins, no big deal just 10 mins where “she lost track of time” they gave notice. She had 4 weeks to find alternative care.