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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Late picking up DD from nursery

511 replies

hellomynameissuzy · 30/01/2023 16:59

I was 10 minutes late picking up my DD from nursery today. The educator that did hand over was not happy at all! She didn’t say a word to me, not even hello or goodbye to my 2 year old DD. She didn’t say anything when I apologised for being late so I couldn’t explain my reason for being late.
The nursery closes at 3pm, I arrived at 3.10pm.
I couldn’t ring ahead and let them know as my phone is broken atm.
AIBU to be upset about the educator being like this towards me? She has only been at this nursery since November. It makes me not want to send her back.

OP posts:
Delladon · 02/02/2023 18:20

Sux2buthen · 02/02/2023 18:18

@Delladon there are no 'designated staff' for lateness.

There was where I worked 😊

Sux2buthen · 02/02/2023 18:20

That's not representative of childcare as a whole though

Delladon · 02/02/2023 22:11

Sux2buthen · 02/02/2023 18:20

That's not representative of childcare as a whole though

I don't know 🤷 I can't speak for all nurseries. Just checked 3 different nursery policies and they all state that two people, one being senior must stay with child, same as the nursery I worked at. I imagine it's fairly standard and probably an ofsted requirement as it's so closely related to child safeguarding. One actually states ' if the child hasn't been collected after a reasonable amount of time (15 minutes) then contact should be made every 10 minutes until contact is made'. So I guess 10 minutes isn't so bad 🤷
Lack of a phonecall is probably the biggest crime here. Even then, if you are stuck in the car and don't have hands free it's not possible to call.
Still no need to ignore the parent though.

misslonglegs · 02/02/2023 22:33

Delladon · 01/02/2023 23:58

No that's right I wouldn't. That's not how it works in childcare though is it? You can't just leave the child outside and go home. Nursery nurses and nursery managers know this, they have late policies and procedures in place, they have designated staff for this. It's not a fun part of the job but it still doesn't mean you get to blank someone when they do collect and apologise. It's rude. It's unprofessional and I assure you that her manager would not be impressed with this. I worked in childcare for 14 years, lots of late pick ups, some one offs, some serial offenders. Always polite and courteous, short and to the point feedback. Many parents were very apologetic and flustered and because I'm a human being, I would make sure they were calm and reassured, ready to drive home safely. What's the point of being rude and ignorant? Where's it going to get you? Apart from the sack? It's part of the job. I've had parents turn up with no bag for their child, even though they have wet accidents frequently. Some bring their ill children in and dose them up on Calpol. You can't just ignore a parent because you're annoyed or inconvenienced by them. It's immature. Perhaps the dentist comparison doesn't sit well, but to be honest, it applies to any public facing job. It's ok to walk away if someone is being abusive but I don't think apologising for their crime is being late is? Am I missing something?

Show quote history

Yes you are missing something, it’s not ‘part of the job’. Hence why we are charged when late and contracts can be terminated for repeated lateness. It’s a headache and inconvenience for those that would have to stay behind.

But I’d rather pay a hefty fine than have stony silence from the key worker handing over!

Delladon · 02/02/2023 23:38

I'm just speaking from my extensive experience in childcare across multiple settings. I guess if as parents you would be OK with being blanked if you were late then it's all good. Hypothetically of course, I know nobody would dare to break down and have no reception on their phone or something. That's just disrespectful 😂

SidTwaddell · 03/02/2023 13:26

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

eastegg · 04/02/2023 17:57

UsingChangeofName · 30/01/2023 17:03

Ideal world, she might have been more polite, but potentially you have now made both her, and the other member of staff who had to stay late, late for picking up their own dc from somewhere.
Or late for a medical appt
Or missing a train that only runs hourly
Or 101 other things that might have ruined their days.

I’m sorry but I don’t think not being silent and surly is ‘ideal’, it’s a bare minimum of behaviour. It’s bang out of order for the carer to behave like that. Poor form to be late though, obviously.

eastegg · 04/02/2023 18:21

canofsoup · 30/01/2023 18:03

Thank goodness for your response, I thought I was going mad.

It's 10 mins for christ's sake, not an hour! I've got to nursery on time before and had to wait 10/15 mins for other parents to finish chatting etc. before they acknowledged me and brought my child out.

OP when you next drop off, just explain you're sorry for being slightly late and the reason why. After that move on and forget it. If she persists in ignoring you, then you can raise her unprofessional approach with her or her supervisor.

Show quote history

I’m pretty much on the OP’s side here (bearing in mind the question is about the silent treatment not whether it’s ok to be late), but please OP do not say you were ‘slightly’ late. I cannot stand it when the person who is late puts their own gloss on how late they are like this.

You are late. The person you are late for can tell the time. It would boil my piss to be told it was ‘slightly’.

JerryGiraffe · 04/02/2023 21:21

I would say you have both behaved badly. You shouldn't assume it's acceptable to be late, it isn't. Your attitude towards your lateness is in your replies to people on here has been indifferent and suggests you are not respectful of others' time and commitments. That said it is completely unacceptable and rude to ignore someone, terrible example to set for your child who she cares for and in all honesty, pig ignorant. Neither of you have behaved as you should. If I were in your position I would also be annoyed, but would probably just suck it up given it was me that was the route cause of the problem

T1Dmama · 04/02/2023 23:15

It happens, traffic, flat tyre, couldn’t leave work on time etc.
mif it’s a one off I’d have been ok with it if I was staff, they’d still be there tidying for 15-30 minutes after kids go home anyway..
These things happen and whether you were late or not she was very unprofessional.
how were they next time you dropped child in

Blackheath95 · 05/02/2023 00:05

T1Dmama · 04/02/2023 23:15

It happens, traffic, flat tyre, couldn’t leave work on time etc.
mif it’s a one off I’d have been ok with it if I was staff, they’d still be there tidying for 15-30 minutes after kids go home anyway..
These things happen and whether you were late or not she was very unprofessional.
how were they next time you dropped child in

I can assure you. We definitely do not stay back 15/30 min to clean and tidy. No one I there right mind would stay back unpaid to clean. We clean up with the children before closing.

AllOutofEverything · 05/02/2023 00:11

Most nurseries pay staff until closing time only.

StClare101 · 05/02/2023 00:38

hellomynameissuzy · 30/01/2023 17:48

I understand it’s probably really frustrating but I’d rather she’d moan and tell me there’s a fee etc than her blank me!

And she’d clearly rather you were on time.

Breezing in with a “sorry I’m late” having not called would definitely get my back up. What else did you expect?

dogdaydown · 05/02/2023 07:30

AllOutofEverything · 05/02/2023 00:11

Most nurseries pay staff until closing time only.

And that is a failing of the nursery, let's be honest nurseries charge a huge price for care, they then pay their staff minimum wage.

It's obvious to everyone that on occasions people will be late, it happens and all this "you can't be late" is not going to change that. After all as lots of people have said here, the teacher is this instance could then be late to collect their own child.

So it's really simple, the nursery shuts at 3, if you're late after 3, you get fined a significant amount as a deterrent.

But the member of staff gets paid to stay 15 mins late (even if not needed), because they should be paid. I've no doubt the large fines will pay for a fair few 15 mins pay.

Who do I blame for this scenario, the greed of the employer. Particularly where they are charging a late fee. So the employer wants the extra money and not to pay staff.

Kellycow · 05/02/2023 08:26

I get the life happens & things come up. But you didnt even call! Im sure you had an idea you were behind when you were abt to leave to pick her up. You know they close at 3. If you cant be there, you should have a backup. You have now set her back for her entire evening.. And most cant even start the clean up process until the kids are gone. So you may have set her back later than 10 mins. What if you now made her late to pick up her own kid? I get why she was angry but she should have been more professional abt it. Most charge hefty fines every 10 mins your late (at least where i am from)

Fairplay737 · 05/02/2023 12:30

I work at a school and children are late to be collected every day sometimes for a really long time. It’s recorded and tracked but ridiculous to suggest social services would get involved even with persistent lateness. Teachers just have to suck it up and wait with the kids. Only because it’s a private system that you get fined, so they can make more money. She was rude not to say hello and have a brief chat, very unprofessional and unfriendly.

AllOutofEverything · 05/02/2023 15:04

Teachers get paid a lot more than nursery nurses who are supposed to finish on time.

User4891 · 05/02/2023 17:03

AllOutofEverything · 05/02/2023 15:04

Teachers get paid a lot more than nursery nurses who are supposed to finish on time.

Wait so because teachers are paid more it doesn't matter if we persistently eat into their personal time? This is the thread that just keeps on giving 🤣

dogdaydown · 05/02/2023 17:11

AllOutofEverything · 05/02/2023 15:04

Teachers get paid a lot more than nursery nurses who are supposed to finish on time.

Nursery workers get paid more than people that can't find employment.

What's your point?

Sherrystrull · 05/02/2023 17:55

I think there seems to be a narrative that teachers, nursery staff and childminders should give their time willingly for free as their job means they care about children.

dogdaydown · 05/02/2023 18:36

Sherrystrull · 05/02/2023 17:55

I think there seems to be a narrative that teachers, nursery staff and childminders should give their time willingly for free as their job means they care about children.

Nope, their employer should make provision and pay for their time, when the inevitable late working happens.

Nurseries make ££££s bit pay poor wages!

AllOutofEverything · 05/02/2023 18:36

@dogdaydown My point was that it was suggested because teachers have to stay after pick up time for parents that are late, then nursery nurses also should be willing to stay late and work unpaid for parents who are late.

AllOutofEverything · 05/02/2023 18:37

Nurseries tend to be terrible employers. Poor wages and poor conditions, often only statutory sick pay.

dogdaydown · 05/02/2023 18:38

AllOutofEverything · 05/02/2023 18:36

@dogdaydown My point was that it was suggested because teachers have to stay after pick up time for parents that are late, then nursery nurses also should be willing to stay late and work unpaid for parents who are late.

My point was that they should all be paid, it's not a race to the bottom.

dogdaydown · 05/02/2023 18:39

AllOutofEverything · 05/02/2023 18:37

Nurseries tend to be terrible employers. Poor wages and poor conditions, often only statutory sick pay.

Thank you! This is entirely an employer issue!

Yet everyone wants to ignore that!