Late picking up DD from nursery

[hellomynameissuzy]

I was 10 minutes late picking up my DD from nursery today. The educator that did hand over was not happy at all! She didn’t say a word to me, not even hello or goodbye to my 2 year old DD. She didn’t say anything when I apologised for being late so I couldn’t explain my reason for being late.
The nursery closes at 3pm, I arrived at 3.10pm.
I couldn’t ring ahead and let them know as my phone is broken atm.
AIBU to be upset about the educator being like this towards me? She has only been at this nursery since November. It makes me not want to send her back.

Nursery was unreasonable. What is she, infallible?

Give me a break

I was a TA for twenty years. Believe me when I say that the phrase ' only a few minutes' boiled my piss.
I wouldn't get paid for 'only ten minutes' every single bloody day , particularly as teachers had staff/year group/curriculum meetings to attend.

Bizarrely, when more parents were working from home, during and after lockdown, the numbers of children left at the end of the day was higher than ever.

Just 10 minutes to you is 50 minutes a week to teachers and support staff.

I don’t think the OP has explained why she was late yet though. We don’t know if “doing better” was an option.

I was late for nursery collection once (Once in two years) because the tube line shut suddenly. Because half of parents were on the same line to a nursery by a tube station I was one of about 10 who were late and nursery completely understood. My DH put on his trainers and ran to the nursery from work - so we were only slightly late and absolutely did the best we could. How could I have “done better”?

We don’t know if the OP was subject to a cancelled train, a broken down bus or a car that wouldn’t start. I do concede however that she should try to have a working phone for circumstances just like this.

You really need to get your phone fixed

You should have been there in time or asked somebody else to be there for your child. So yes, YABU.

Maybe it's been happening a lot with other parents and this is the last straw?
From experience it is really hard work looking after kids and we all want to leave on time.

So you don't factor in any wiggle room into your plans for unexpected issues to arise which will make you late for your kid, but would be annoyed if someone was late for you? I wouldn't finish my job with only 10 mins to get my kid even if we were in the same building!

It would be one thing being late for your ‘booked and paid until’ time of the nursery was still open and they were expecting to be there for another couple of hours.

To be late when the nursery has officially closed is not on - you’ve quite likely made staff late to do cleaning and possibly prep for tomorrow; they may well have had to ask others to stay behind so that there are legal numbers on site; as others have said, you may even have made the nursery worker late for her own children/an appointment/her bus home!!

@hellomynameissuzy

she was rude not to say hello to you & completely out of line not to say good bye to DD. There's NO excuse for that, at all.

it is annoying when parents are late, but life happens. It's generally not possible to build in several hours as a contingency for car accidents, trains not turning up, other emergencies.

if I were you, I'd have ignored her expression and just said why I was late.

she was in the wrong to treat you & DD like that, but if you are otherwise happy with their care, I'd now ignore it & carry on as usual. There's nothing good to be gained by bringing it up.

Whether the child was upset has zero bearing on whether the nursery worker’s behaviour was reasonable. If they can’t manage an upset child (not that we have any evidence they even were upset) without morphing into Kevin the sulky teenager, they’re in the wrong job.

I’d go so far as to say that if the child WAS upset, I would be worried based on the nursery worker’s evident lack of professionalism whether they had displayed visible annoyance to the child or wound them up about where mum was, thus causing the upset. They clearly didn’t manage the situation well or professionally with the parent so whose to assume they would have with the child?

I maintain, it’s nasty to faux innocently ask the OP how upset her child was, when she didn’t mention anything at all around that.

Actually I think it is unusual to be cross with a parent and ignore them if they are late once - I was 10 mins late once to pick up DC from nursery (I was at a medical appointment which overran by over an hour and it was on LG level so I had no reception). I explained once I got there and the nursery staff were lovely and understanding. Repeated lateness is not on at all - but to ignore someone (specially for a one off) is unprofessional.

I agree with others that the phone is probably the issue here. As you hadn't called ahead to say you'd be 10 minutes late, the staff member had no way of knowing how long her own plans would be delayed by.

I think in those circumstances I'd be standing there with what my mother would have called "a face like fizz" on too 😡!

Anyway, done now, and I'm sure you'll now get your phone fixed.

You inconvenienced her. Probably a different parent does it every night.

I wonder how you'd feel if they opened 'just 10 minutes' late every morning.

I was a nursery worker for a few years. Having worked from 8 am to 6 pm, it was extremely annoying when the same parent would show up 20 minutes late almost every day. She would apologise profusely, but kept doing it. She did get fined by the nursery, but the money certainly never came to me. It also meant I often missed my train and got home 30 minutes later than I was meant to.

Maybe 10 minutes don’t matter to you, but I can completely understand why your nursery worker was annoyed.

Yes the phone is a big issue. The worker doesn’t know if she’ll be 15 minutes up her own child/ get the later bus home or whether she’ll be stuck for an hour and needs to make other plans.

You got your child back. Why should she talk to you when she's not being paid for that time. You screwed up.

You're in the wrong and perhaps she was quiet because she was so cross
Get your phone fixed - it's YOUR responsibility to call them, otherwise she'd probably have to go to the office, find your file and get your number to call you.... yet she's trying to look after your kid.
She may have kids herself, so is now more than 10 mins behind as you probably took a few minutes to get your child out the door. She may be charged because she's late for her pick up ... which she won't get back from work I'm sure
She may have a bus to catch or train etc and has to wait an hour ... all sorts of issues may stem from you being late and if she's knows she could have swapped with someone else, except she didn't know, so maybe that opportunity left

Sort yourself out

The funny thing I found when worked in a school (I realise this was nursery but the principles are the same) was that there were some parents who were 'only ten minutes' late every day. Then when their child moved up to an older year group which finished 15 mins later, they would still be 10 mins late. So clearly, they just couldn't be arsed to organise themselves sufficiently to be on time.
The HT brought in a policy that any child not collected 5 mins after home time was put into after school care and the parents charged for a session. Initially the late collectors complained about being charged but soon changed their ways and turned up on time.
I've been late for meetings or training sessions due to late collecting parents before. There's often only a 15 minute window between the end of school / nursery and the start of training or a meeting. In that time one has to go to the loo, get a drink, gather one's materials etc so if a tardy parent holds you up by ten mins it makes a big difference.
In the case of OP. YABU. You were late. Suck it up and learn from it. Don't be late again!

Don’t worry, ‘do better’ on a mumsnet thread means literally nothing.

Its just one of the latest mumsnet ‘mic drop’ phrases that people think makes them sound really awesome and instantly reduces the recipient to a snivelling heap of shame.

See also: ‘how embarrassing’.

Why should she talk to you when she's not being paid for that time.

Imagine if we all adopted this childish approach. Imagine a nurse staying later than her shift refusing to engage with a patient because "she's not being paid for that time". I often stay a little later than my hours, I don't become mute and lose the ability to have a bit of common decency.

Well they were hardly going to hold the child hostage were they?

She should be civil with the OP because that's good manners.

She handed her child over so she was doing her job. Work to rule. No child was harmed. Just because she didn't smile when she did it.

@plumduck

There's a world of difference between not smiling and completely ignoring. The former is fine; the latter is unprofessional and passive aggressive.

It's probably the lack of contact that's upset more than the time. It comes across disrespectful and rude. Also wonder if there is more to it. Are you generally respectful of them and their time?

Seems weird to be so obvious with their disdain on a first offense.

Children are very perceptive to adult moods and can be quite damaged by them. A nursery worker silently handing over a child with perceptible annoyance and closing the door in their faces could actually be very disquieting to a small child who is used to different. I wouldn’t trust an adult with my child once they showed this level of immaturity.