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AIBU?

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Original poster

Late picking up DD from nursery

511 replies

hellomynameissuzy · 30/01/2023 16:59

I was 10 minutes late picking up my DD from nursery today. The educator that did hand over was not happy at all! She didn’t say a word to me, not even hello or goodbye to my 2 year old DD. She didn’t say anything when I apologised for being late so I couldn’t explain my reason for being late.
The nursery closes at 3pm, I arrived at 3.10pm.
I couldn’t ring ahead and let them know as my phone is broken atm.
AIBU to be upset about the educator being like this towards me? She has only been at this nursery since November. It makes me not want to send her back.

OP posts:
TheOrigRights · 01/02/2023 10:08

DangerNoodles · 01/02/2023 10:02

That post was meant to be in response to @TheOrigRights and other posters who claim it's OK for the OP not to replace her phone.

OP has only said her phone is broken atm (but she does get notifications). She has not indicated when/if she is getting it replaced/repaired.

I am not suggesting it's OK for her not to replace her phone, I am saying that her not having a phone doesn't mean the nursery cannot contact anyone who cares for the child.

AprilFools2015 · 01/02/2023 10:12

Judgyjudgy, I regularly do work hours outside my contracted ones...that's the thing with customer facing jobs, you have to be a bit adaptable, esp when you have 12000 customers.

AprilFools2015 · 01/02/2023 10:24

Kanaloa, this is a fair point & there were times husband worked nights as a cabbie or dominos driver & looked after tyke in day while I worked cos he struggled to get an education job when we relocated, & he cared for tyke in the day to save on nursery fees which were £50 a day. Why would your child be in nursery though if you didn't start work til 5pm?? Surely saving the fees would be the whole point of working different shift patterns in the first place? We are still massively in debt due to this whole period of tykes life due to the high childcare costs in UK & low income from shift work. I just don't understand why employers aren't more flexi, public sector salaries (incl EY workers) aren't decent & childcare isn't subsidised so people can work & pay their bills.

AprilFools2015 · 01/02/2023 10:26

But I take on board some people work nights so they can care for their children. This isn't the norm though, vast majority of peeps still have 9-5 jobs.

Kanaloa · 01/02/2023 10:29

AprilFools2015 · 01/02/2023 10:24

Kanaloa, this is a fair point & there were times husband worked nights as a cabbie or dominos driver & looked after tyke in day while I worked cos he struggled to get an education job when we relocated, & he cared for tyke in the day to save on nursery fees which were £50 a day. Why would your child be in nursery though if you didn't start work til 5pm?? Surely saving the fees would be the whole point of working different shift patterns in the first place? We are still massively in debt due to this whole period of tykes life due to the high childcare costs in UK & low income from shift work. I just don't understand why employers aren't more flexi, public sector salaries (incl EY workers) aren't decent & childcare isn't subsidised so people can work & pay their bills.

Well at this point we only had one nursery aged child left. Previously I had been staying at home as we had three and couldn’t afford nursery, but when we only had one we put her in once she turned three and we got some free hours. It allowed me to earn some money when we were struggling, plus go back to school, and also it meant I could sleep. Otherwise I would be working all night, then caring for my child all day… then working all night again. It wasn’t possible or practical.

But the point about ‘oh you must be privileged if you don’t have to work past 5’ just baffled me because it doesn’t take into account that not everyone can work a 9-5. If anything I’d say having set hours and getting to finish at 5pm is much more winning at life!

Kanaloa · 01/02/2023 10:31

AprilFools2015 · 01/02/2023 10:26

But I take on board some people work nights so they can care for their children. This isn't the norm though, vast majority of peeps still have 9-5 jobs.

I disagree. In my community there are many retail workers, community carers, care home workers, nurses, factory workers, hotel workers. Very few 9-5 workers really.

Silvers11 · 01/02/2023 10:34

You greeted her with ‘hello sorry I’m late!’ and nothing else?

Of course I don't know HOW you said it but it sounds to me like it came across like it wasn't a big deal to you - a sort of standard lip service thing people say but don't really mean. Otherwise you would actually have explained more as soon as you were through the door. If it had been me I would have been apologising very profusely as soon as I spoke to her, with the explanation

So while she didn't say anything (which wasn't very professional of her), seems to me you were equally rude to her first. Sorry!

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 01/02/2023 12:52

"Only ten minutes" is "only" ten minutes late for her own child's pickup, so "only" twenty minutes late for, for example, a dentist appointment, etc.. and on it goes. Pick your children up on time.

Tillow4ever · 01/02/2023 13:41

AprilFools2015 · 01/02/2023 10:24

Kanaloa, this is a fair point & there were times husband worked nights as a cabbie or dominos driver & looked after tyke in day while I worked cos he struggled to get an education job when we relocated, & he cared for tyke in the day to save on nursery fees which were £50 a day. Why would your child be in nursery though if you didn't start work til 5pm?? Surely saving the fees would be the whole point of working different shift patterns in the first place? We are still massively in debt due to this whole period of tykes life due to the high childcare costs in UK & low income from shift work. I just don't understand why employers aren't more flexi, public sector salaries (incl EY workers) aren't decent & childcare isn't subsidised so people can work & pay their bills.

@AprilFools2015 maybe, as it sounds like a school nursery, the child is only going there for their “free” hours?

Honeymonster3 · 01/02/2023 14:02

You don't seem to really think you've done anything wrong here... I know to you it might feel like it was "only 10mins" but just for a second put yourself in their shoes..... You don't know that person's circumstances, for all you know she doesn't drive and gets a bus to work... Your "only 10mins" could have caused her to miss her bus/train and put her in a position that she had to sit around for the next one!! Stop thinking about it was only 10minutes and start thinking how would YOU feel if someone did that to you?? Also if this happens on a daily basis shes probably sick of being left to deal with other people kids

Delladon · 01/02/2023 16:22

Literally blanking someone and not responding is just about the most immature thing a person can do. OP doesn't assume that it's ok to be late, she apologised and received NO RESPONSE. No one is asking the nursery worker to be ecstatic about being held up but there's no need to ignore someone. It's ridiculous behaviour and a really bad example for children to watch. I'm sure her manager wouldn't approve of the interaction and quite rightly. Can you imagine if you turned up late to your dentist or doctors appointment and the receptionist IGNORED you? It's called professionalism, you put a face on and be polite and moan to your colleagues in the staff room about it.

Falienlifeform · 01/02/2023 18:28

Honestly I cannot believe the vast majority of comments here. Ten minutes late happen to EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US from time to time for things completely out of our controll. Every comment listing reasons that the childcare worker could be late for now because of OP, every last one of those apply to her too. Where is the kindness as basic understanding we are all human and trying her best?! And yes, absolutely her phone being broken is a completely crap excuse, obviously she should have stopped the car in traffic to borrow someone's phone to inform them (which is going to actually make her more late)

I'm so sorry OP. No one wants to be late to pick their kids up and cause people problems but sometimes shit happens and we should all understand that. Apologise again next time and if their still off with you, take your business elsewhere. Not even saying bye to the faultless child is in my view completely immature.

surreygirl1987 · 01/02/2023 18:44

Honestly I cannot believe the vast majority of comments here. Ten minutes late happen to EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US from time to time for things completely out of our controll

Well, no actually. I've never been late to collect either of my kids, in the 4 years they've been in full time nursery. And if I WAS ever late for nursery pick-up, I'd be utterly mortified and not be moaning about it on mumsnet! Yes, it's not unheard of to be late. Maybe one day that will happen to me despite my very best effort. But it's the OP's reaction that is the issue. Instead of accepting that she was wrong and that the childcare worker had every reason to be annoyed, she is moaning about it! Entitled much!!

Sherrystrull · 01/02/2023 18:49

Falienlifeform · 01/02/2023 18:28

Honestly I cannot believe the vast majority of comments here. Ten minutes late happen to EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US from time to time for things completely out of our controll. Every comment listing reasons that the childcare worker could be late for now because of OP, every last one of those apply to her too. Where is the kindness as basic understanding we are all human and trying her best?! And yes, absolutely her phone being broken is a completely crap excuse, obviously she should have stopped the car in traffic to borrow someone's phone to inform them (which is going to actually make her more late)

I'm so sorry OP. No one wants to be late to pick their kids up and cause people problems but sometimes shit happens and we should all understand that. Apologise again next time and if their still off with you, take your business elsewhere. Not even saying bye to the faultless child is in my view completely immature.

I'm sorry but you're wrong. Some parents are regularly and purposefully late and take the mick. This sadly makes staff less inclined to be patient for people who are genuinely late and try to be on time.

SidTwaddell · 01/02/2023 18:52

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Honeymonster3 · 01/02/2023 19:39

That is exactly the point!! It's not about the time she was late it's the whole attitude of coming on here thinking the nursery worker is in the wrong for being pissed off!! Like you stated were all late at some point or as many people have pointed out we can't always control the things around us but it's not that that's the issue, it's that clearly the OP doesn't think what she did was that big of a deal otherwise she wouldn't be on here moaning about the girl. I work in retail and the amount of entitled customers we get in is unreal!! People who believe the customer is always right, and that the poor woman should have smiled politely and pretended that everything was ok even though she was clearly pissed off at the situation (and let's be real here most of us would if this was eating into our free unpaid time!) Why should she put on a fake smile?? She was angry you were late and instead of explaining straight away or even better yet calling ahead to explain that you were going to be late you showed absolutely no consideration to other people around you and now you're upset that the worker showed you how annoyed she was by it?? OP I think you need to realise that you were in the wrong for not notifying them, accept that you messed up and move on. Don't expect them to apologize and please don't go and complain to her manager, she watches your child all day for you whilst you're in work... Please be respectful of that and realise she is a human being with feelings and not your personal assistant. The whole be kind thing works both ways 🙂

Girlgift97 · 01/02/2023 19:57

Honeymonster3 · 01/02/2023 19:39

That is exactly the point!! It's not about the time she was late it's the whole attitude of coming on here thinking the nursery worker is in the wrong for being pissed off!! Like you stated were all late at some point or as many people have pointed out we can't always control the things around us but it's not that that's the issue, it's that clearly the OP doesn't think what she did was that big of a deal otherwise she wouldn't be on here moaning about the girl. I work in retail and the amount of entitled customers we get in is unreal!! People who believe the customer is always right, and that the poor woman should have smiled politely and pretended that everything was ok even though she was clearly pissed off at the situation (and let's be real here most of us would if this was eating into our free unpaid time!) Why should she put on a fake smile?? She was angry you were late and instead of explaining straight away or even better yet calling ahead to explain that you were going to be late you showed absolutely no consideration to other people around you and now you're upset that the worker showed you how annoyed she was by it?? OP I think you need to realise that you were in the wrong for not notifying them, accept that you messed up and move on. Don't expect them to apologize and please don't go and complain to her manager, she watches your child all day for you whilst you're in work... Please be respectful of that and realise she is a human being with feelings and not your personal assistant. The whole be kind thing works both ways 🙂

Two wrongs don't make a right, the nursery worker was unprofessional.

Honeymonster3 · 01/02/2023 20:00

You try working with people who take the piss out of you on a daily basis and treat you as beneath them, sub human creatures sometimes or as if you only exist to serve their needs and then tell me you won't sometimes slip and not be professional 100% of the time! Like I said... Were all human beings, were allowed to make mistakes

Girlgift97 · 01/02/2023 20:01

Honeymonster3 · 01/02/2023 20:00

You try working with people who take the piss out of you on a daily basis and treat you as beneath them, sub human creatures sometimes or as if you only exist to serve their needs and then tell me you won't sometimes slip and not be professional 100% of the time! Like I said... Were all human beings, were allowed to make mistakes

Sorry I thought op was late once, not every day!

FYI I never leave work on time.....

Girlgift97 · 01/02/2023 20:03

Honeymonster3 · 01/02/2023 20:00

You try working with people who take the piss out of you on a daily basis and treat you as beneath them, sub human creatures sometimes or as if you only exist to serve their needs and then tell me you won't sometimes slip and not be professional 100% of the time! Like I said... Were all human beings, were allowed to make mistakes

So who made a mistake? Because you seemed to be saying the nursery worker hadn't done a thing wrong.

If you're that unhappy in your job, get another one!

Being late once is not treating someone as sun human FFS!

Girlgift97 · 01/02/2023 20:03

*sub

Kanaloa · 01/02/2023 21:21

Delladon · 01/02/2023 16:22

Literally blanking someone and not responding is just about the most immature thing a person can do. OP doesn't assume that it's ok to be late, she apologised and received NO RESPONSE. No one is asking the nursery worker to be ecstatic about being held up but there's no need to ignore someone. It's ridiculous behaviour and a really bad example for children to watch. I'm sure her manager wouldn't approve of the interaction and quite rightly. Can you imagine if you turned up late to your dentist or doctors appointment and the receptionist IGNORED you? It's called professionalism, you put a face on and be polite and moan to your colleagues in the staff room about it.

I mean don’t know where you live but if I turned up late to a doctor/dentist appointment they’d just refuse to see me at all. I wouldn’t even get in the room. So yeah I can imagine showing up late to my doctor/dentist and having them ignore me or just say ‘no.’

AllOutofEverything · 01/02/2023 21:31

@Girlgift97 I assume you are paid more than minimum wage?

Wombatbum · 01/02/2023 21:36

I work in a nursery. I would be annoyed in this situation but wouldn’t be rude. It is one of the long list of frustrating things about working in a nursery, along with some children consistently sent in when poorly (which then makes us and other children poorly!) it’s as if some parents don’t realise we are real people!

Girlgift97 · 01/02/2023 21:43

AllOutofEverything · 01/02/2023 21:31

@Girlgift97 I assume you are paid more than minimum wage?

No I'm not, but when I was, I was never rude to clients/customers.