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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Late picking up DD from nursery

511 replies

hellomynameissuzy · 30/01/2023 16:59

I was 10 minutes late picking up my DD from nursery today. The educator that did hand over was not happy at all! She didn’t say a word to me, not even hello or goodbye to my 2 year old DD. She didn’t say anything when I apologised for being late so I couldn’t explain my reason for being late.
The nursery closes at 3pm, I arrived at 3.10pm.
I couldn’t ring ahead and let them know as my phone is broken atm.
AIBU to be upset about the educator being like this towards me? She has only been at this nursery since November. It makes me not want to send her back.

OP posts:
Borracha · 01/02/2023 03:13

How would you feel if you arrived in the morning to drop your child off and found all the doors locked, lights off etc. Then the teachers turned up 10 minutes later breezily saying sorry we’re late!

There would be uproar.

Rainbowsparkles29 · 01/02/2023 04:24

My dd is in Reception and I was about 15 mins late for her on one of her first days because I was an idiot and drove past our local secondary school which was bedlam and held me up. Have never made that mistake again. I was mortified and pretty hysterical by the time I got there and really worried dd would be traumatised. When I got there dd was sat happily reading a book and I think her teacher could tell I was really upset because she made a point of telling me how amazingly dd had done in her first week and that she'd done really well in her first assessments. They were so lovely and understanding. It's made me all the more determined not to let it happen again and cemented a good relationship with the school.

Yes parents shouldn't take the P but reality is these things happen even with the best laid plans. If the childcare provider aren't offering some sort of buffer and employing a member of staff until half an hour after finish or offering overtime to their minimum wage staff when they have to stay then the employer is also taking the P.

I would expect to take the consequence of being late eg heavy fine but I agree that if it happened like you say it did OP then this wasn't on. If the staff member can't be civil with you in such a situation then I'd be interested to see how they deal with the kids when they inevitibly put them under pressure... Look beneath the surface. Is this an indication that the nursery on the whole isn't great?

Redebs · 01/02/2023 05:51

Sounds like she wasn't rude to you, but you were expecting her to be friendly and understanding.

The problem is then that adults doing pick up think, 'It won't matter too much if I'm late, AFTER ALL, THEY WERE SO NICE ABOUT IT LAST TIME IT HAPPENED'.

They want you to know it is a problem, so you don't do it again.

Send your daughter in as normal and don't ever be late again. You have created doubt in their minds and you need to give them reassurance that this isn't the start of a problem for them.

Nurseries have to be cleaned and set up ready at the end of the day. They couldn't do that with a child present. Ten minutes late can have a knock on effect that causes low paid workers to miss buses, appointments or collecting their own children etc etc

Redebs · 01/02/2023 05:59

Yb23487643 · 31/01/2023 21:49

I have to work late through other peoples choices or circumstances (non childcare) and I don’t get paid for the extra time I stay but I do get charged extra childcare myself for it and sometimes late fees (for 2 kids). And it’s so stressful trying to get there before it shuts.

I try to be polite but is really stressful. If I leave 15 min late, because of the traffic that makes me half an hour later to pick up, so I pay an extra half hour at least, and then pay the late fee if I go beyond that.
So I feel for the childcare person in that instance, they might now be late to pick their children up, incur fees themselves etc.
Most nurseries have late fees for this kind of thing.

Late fees are supposed to be a deterrent, not a payment for an unarranged childcare session.
You need to be on time for pick up.

oosha · 01/02/2023 06:13

My nursery fine £10 for every 5 minutes late. To be honest you know what time you are supposed to be there and it may not bother you being late, but it’s disrespecting someone else’s time regardless of their plans. I’m not surprised she was annoyed. I think just suck it up given you were the one in the wrong.

abmac95 · 01/02/2023 06:17

How did she get away with saying nothing? When you said hello and she didn't answer you did you not say it again and then if no answer 'apologies I am late but why do you think its okay to ignore me?' Don't tolerate this shit from people who are supposed to be 'professionals'

Bubbylana · 01/02/2023 06:25

I think the answer is dont be late or have a contingency plan incase this happens again also get a new phone even a cheap pay as you go incasè of emergencys.

AprilFools2015 · 01/02/2023 07:08

Thank goodness for Janefondofu & Athena, was worried I'd stepped into a parallel universe for a mo. 10 mins the odd time is ok & she was rude OP (imo). Try & get your phone fixed tho (& pal up to the other mums, get their numbers) cos u need to be able to communicate with family, friends & childcare provider.

Am I the only one who thinks its odd the nursery closes at 3pm tho? Both my DS nurseries closed at 6pm...because, u know, people have these pesky things called jobs! I'd give her shade for why the early closing next time.

fairysimples · 01/02/2023 07:09

AprilFools2015 · 01/02/2023 07:08

Thank goodness for Janefondofu & Athena, was worried I'd stepped into a parallel universe for a mo. 10 mins the odd time is ok & she was rude OP (imo). Try & get your phone fixed tho (& pal up to the other mums, get their numbers) cos u need to be able to communicate with family, friends & childcare provider.

Am I the only one who thinks its odd the nursery closes at 3pm tho? Both my DS nurseries closed at 6pm...because, u know, people have these pesky things called jobs! I'd give her shade for why the early closing next time.

A school nursery will close at 3pm.

My kids went to one in what would now be their reception year.

LotteLomax · 01/02/2023 07:19

How rude of the teacher. She doesn’t sound particularly well socialise dog she thinks that’s appropriate behaviour. I

Sorry you experienced this.

susantrubey · 01/02/2023 07:21

You let your child down.

Tamuchly · 01/02/2023 07:26

I work with children, those children leave at 3.10pm, I am paid until 3.15pm. Last year one parent continually collected their child at 3.25pm - every single day, no apology, no acknowledgement and no thank you at all. They were reminded of collection times several times but chose to continue. No consequences, no late fees, just rudeness on their part. My goodwill is used up, I now leave at 3.15pm and any children left get taken to sit in the main office with staff who are paid later.

EdithBond · 01/02/2023 07:37

Exactly. I’m shocked at some of the harsh and insensitive comments on this thread, some of which border on bullying. I thought this site was a place for parents to seek support from other parents. It’s hard being a mum and parents need support from carers and other parents. The OP is obviously sensitive if she was upset that she and, especially her child, we’re ignored by a carer. It’s fine to give an opinion that was asked for in a kind way. But publicly expressing harsh judgements about a person based on a few posts is really insensitive and unkind. People can be feeling exhausted and depressed and reading such judgemental comments can make things much worse - as well as putting others off asking for advice. If you can’t be kind, better to not comment.

whittingtonmum · 01/02/2023 07:42

I think you are expecting the nursery worker to understand and accommodate your own circumstances with a smile but are not prepared to do the same for the nursery worker. Not ok.

Sux2buthen · 01/02/2023 07:51

It's infuriating when parents are late and simply shouldn't happen. A phone call, extra payment and apology as a minimum.
Childcare workers exist out of work and need to leave on time

Kanaloa · 01/02/2023 08:00

EdithBond · 01/02/2023 07:37

Exactly. I’m shocked at some of the harsh and insensitive comments on this thread, some of which border on bullying. I thought this site was a place for parents to seek support from other parents. It’s hard being a mum and parents need support from carers and other parents. The OP is obviously sensitive if she was upset that she and, especially her child, we’re ignored by a carer. It’s fine to give an opinion that was asked for in a kind way. But publicly expressing harsh judgements about a person based on a few posts is really insensitive and unkind. People can be feeling exhausted and depressed and reading such judgemental comments can make things much worse - as well as putting others off asking for advice. If you can’t be kind, better to not comment.

It is not our job to support the parents by cheerfully offering them paid childcare when they show up whenever they like. And as for nurseries opening till 6 because people have jobs - presumably they didn’t lie to the op and say they opened until 6. She chose (and paid for) a service that suits her needs. If she needs later childcare she needs to find that, not rudely not infringe on other people’s time then ‘be kind’ them into cheerful submission. What’s next, don’t have to pay for petrol since parenting is hard and people need support? Should be able to show up late to work whenever you want and people should smile and ‘be kind?’ It’s ridiculous. It isn’t the job of other adults to baby you through life.

Maybe if it’s so important that people get support from other parents then the op should not be making herself uncontactable and leaving her child to be cared for free of charge by another woman who is also a parent.

Sennelier1 · 01/02/2023 08:04

Id you give yourself the right to be 10 minutes late then the nursery worker has the right not to talk to you. You are being very rude to arrive too late, taking advantage of her sense of responsability not to leave your child alone. She's allowed to be rude to you in return.

Hayliebells · 01/02/2023 08:14

YABU, if course she's going to be pissed off that you were late. I wouldn't expect a cheery goodbye, and she would be well within her rights to have a go at you for being late, or fine you. All you got was a bit of grumpiness, so in some regards you got off lightly.

Minniliscious · 01/02/2023 08:16

I knew most of the responses would be like this 🙄 like no one on here has ever been late for anything ….. Shit happens sometimes leaving us unable to stick rigidly to schedule.

in my opinion OP, the worker was extremely unprofessional towards you. If they saw it as a huge deal, they maybe should’ve said it there and then. I’m assuming that you don’t do this often so don’t worry.

GoAgainstNicki · 01/02/2023 08:18

@Kanaloa not even trying to be funny but don’t you get bored going back and forth with different posters regarding your point? It’s as if everytime I’ve clicked on the thread, I’ve seen you quote someone else to more or less repeat what you’ve already said. Doesn’t that get tiring?

Minniliscious · 01/02/2023 08:23

Oh please! What a ridiculous thing to say.

Blackheath95 · 01/02/2023 08:23

LotteLomax · 01/02/2023 07:19

How rude of the teacher. She doesn’t sound particularly well socialise dog she thinks that’s appropriate behaviour. I

Sorry you experienced this.

Charming calling a woman a ‘dog’ I wouldn’t want to know what people call you behind your back.

1AngelicFruitCake · 01/02/2023 08:25

Although technically you were 10 minutes late, the reality is you were later than that. You shouldn’t be picking up at 6, you need to have picked up and left by 6 so the nursery can close at 6.

1AngelicFruitCake · 01/02/2023 08:29

Sorry, misread the time!
Swap all ‘6’s for ‘3’s!

In an ideal world the person on the door would have been polite but lateness is probably something they are dealing with continually so to you it’s a one off but to them you’re just one of many parents being late.

NeedToChangeName · 01/02/2023 08:34

hellomynameissuzy · 30/01/2023 17:44

I arrived saying ‘hello sorry I’m late!’ but because she looked really annoyed and didn’t respond or even smile at me I didn’t carry on and go on to explain

"Hello, sorry I'm late!" sounds a bit flippant / don't care