To hate splitting bills at restaurants?

[AtticusFrost]

We socialise a fair bit but do not have a high income. We do this by being careful about how we spend our money. So I absolutely hate it if in a restaurant at the end of the night someone says forcefully we should just split the bill.
No! I know it is easier. But myself and DH have chosen cheaper options so we can afford this. And it always people who have spent loads who say this.

🤷🏻‍♀️ ask for separate bills when you order. Make it clear when you agree to go for tea that you're not splitting the bill by number of people, but by what was ordered. Then it's just as easy as all of your food is already on your bill.

That's why I don't go out for meals with people . Someone always takes the piss ! And I don't drink or eat meat so it's never fair .

If you do it you need to say before the meal so everyone knows before they have a drink ! 🙄

It's socially ackward to be sitting and counting out your diet coke to the pence. Also, whenever it's done this way the payment comes up short. Someone obviously conveniently forgets to claim something they've had, or skirts out of giving a tip.

If you do want it seperate then say in advance and ask the waiter for seperate bills from the outset, or go to places where you order and pay at the counter.

Asking for a separate bill when you order makes sense.

I agree it’s always those who have pushed the boat out who say this, in groups where there’s been a disparity in ordering anyway.

Think we’ve all fallen foul of this! I find it’s sometimes better to have the conversation beforehand. Depends which group of friends and where we are. But up front and everyone knows where they are then. Restaurants are quite savvy with this now with smaller groups within a group.

Yes, it really shows a lack of thoughtfulness. Same for people who leave early and don’t leave their fair share of money.

As per PP make it clear when you arrange it, or arrive at restaurant.

With most people I go out with we choose the lazy option of splitting it by number of people as if you go out with people regularly enough it all evens out anyway. I might have the pricer fish dish this time, but Joe had an extra cocktail last time... However, if there is a clear difference, such as going out with a veggie whose meals are far cheaper, or one person is not drinking then I think it is good manners to suggest splitting by who had what (even if it is a PITA).

I recently went out for a meal and, when splitting the bill, commented on the fact that I hadn’t had alcohol. You should have seen the look on everyone’s faces, I felt bad about pointing it out, and then I gave them a lift home. Saving them the cost of a taxi !

It's a bit difficult but if there's a real difference then I think you have to ask for separate bills or be really clear at the start of the Bill. Most places will do a separate bill. - or keep a running total and add a tip and just say - "this is for what we've had and a tip. Can you take that off the bill please?"

Your friends will get used to it, others might be relieved. But don't take the piss. So don't tuck into the communal wine, bread and order a fancy coffee and 'forget' all that....

It is a bit awkward, and it's a pain if people are pissed...but if you still want to go out....

Same all the time.

Like for example it is always people who drink loads who want rounds, because they hope you will bail out early and they will get extra drinks.

Just refuse. I did. And when they kept on nagging about it, just terminate the friendship.

Because you don't need friends that see you as a meal ticket.

Someone obviously conveniently forgets to claim something they've had

In defence of this it can sometimes be really tricky to work out. I was once at a pub meal with 7 friends and we were splitting the bill based on what we had. However, some of the waiters had programmed in the drinks accurately. And some had gone for the lazy option of if it was 1 rum & coke, 2 vodka & lemonade, 3 gin & tonic, to program it in as 6 gin & tonics as they were all the same price for base level spirit and mixer. Was a nightmare to work out and each tried twice and were still £14 short - so we split that shortfall equally between all of us.

It depends on who it is and whether it's fairly balanced. We have friends we split with but we always split 40/40/20 because one of the final couple cant drink and doesn't eat anything but chips for medical reasons (dexterity) seems fair for us to cover her cost.

With my parents we split despite spending more because they try to demand to pay, instead we compromise on splitting

This has happened to me a few times over the years.
Most recently I went on a works meal, local and straight after work. I had chosen two courses and had a soft drink as I was driving.
Some people had three courses, wine and a coffee. My boss when the bill came said 'lets split it' Lesson learnt, if I attend again I shall make sure I keep up with everyone else. Worse still I did not enjoy my meal.

Yeah is it a nightmare to work out sometimes. Which is a reason to just split the bill, because people aren't always honest (or are conveniently forgetful) and then it creates a really awkward situation, often with those who haven't had the mysterious extras covering it. At least in my experience.

YANBU. We’re teetotal so there’s no fucking way I’m contributing to other peoples alcohol.

This is why most people prefer to split equally - fair enough to prefer paying for what people
had but then the onus is on the one asking for it to make sure they remember what they had AND include the service charge / tip AND include their fair share of shared items

My friends & family always get our phone calculators out for the bill and then pay separately or put the right cash down. No awkwardness, no mistakes, no problem from anyone, including the staff.

Just say. We prefer to pay our own

Upfront conversation is the way to go.

"Love to come out to eat but we're really skint at the mo so we won't drink and will pay separately so no complicated maths at the end of dinner. Really looking forward to seeing you".

Easy

I had an acquaintance who did this. We played a sport together and everyone would go for a meal together afterwards. When the bill came she’d always ensure she was the last to pay and everyone else had overpaid so there was a tip (so if theirs came to £18 then they’d put £20 on their card) but she would just pay the rest off the bill (usually just a few pounds) and there’d be no tip left and she’d got an almost free meal. I wish I’d called her out at the time.

It’s ALWAYS the person who ordered extremely expensive wine.

”We’ve all had about the same, right, so let’s just split it.”

No. I’ve had a £6 glass of wine with a £15 pizza and you’ve had a £12 glass of wine with a £20 pizza and a £8 pudding. 👀

My friends and I aren't like this at all. We always split the bill but take into account if people are not drinking. But then I wouldn't tolerate a CF so don't have any in my social circle.

In my experience, actual friends don't do this - it's acquaintances.

If you're constantly getting shitted over, you need to socialise with different people. If you don't know someone well enough to tell them that you're on a budget, don't dine out with them.

I can’t stand having to work out what everyone has had just easier to split the bill none of my friends would ever take the piss it’s swings and roundabouts sometimes I’ll order summit cheap and someone has something expensive but then another time it’ll be the other way round, works itself out in the end.
When I go out with the girls and someone isn’t drinking we usually don’t let them pay cos they would have driven us all and dropped home so that’s fair

Unless you have a friend like mine who orders Mocktails and alcohol free beers etc then he announces ‘mind I don’t drink’ when the bill comes and his drinks were only £5 less in total than those drinking.