To hate splitting bills at restaurants?

[AtticusFrost]

We socialise a fair bit but do not have a high income. We do this by being careful about how we spend our money. So I absolutely hate it if in a restaurant at the end of the night someone says forcefully we should just split the bill.
No! I know it is easier. But myself and DH have chosen cheaper options so we can afford this. And it always people who have spent loads who say this.

Asking for your own bill is totally fine, but I don't see why I should need to clear it/notify the rest of the party in advance.

You think it's 'nitpicking' to only want to pay for what you eat

At the end of a meal yes. Absolutely RUINS the vibe, everyone clambering over themselves to make sure they only pay the bare minimum of what they had and usually don't figure in a tip. A table of skinflints. The height of rudeness.

Make it clear from the beginning you want a separate bill instead of passing round a receipt or asking for the menus again so you can see how much your dish was and totting it up like Roy Cropper with his little purse. No, just no.

For sure these happens to everyone every now and then. But in my opinion tends to be with groups of people we don't know so well (like with work)

Surely with friends you can just be open about it?
I usually dont mind but my group of friends will eat/drink similar...but it doesn't bother me if i pay £5 more.
If money is tight then we suggest a dinner at home🤷‍♀️

Also...the point of a meal out (imo) is to treat yourself. So if one goes to drink tap water and eat the cheapest option...then just socialise in a different way

We’ve been known to play cash card roulette on occasion - with some people paying quite a bit more and others getting a completely free ride depending on the order in which the shuffled cards are drawn - that adds a bit of jeopardy to the end of the evening.

"Friends" who mind you wanting to pay for what you've ordered (especially when they should probably be aware that money is tight at the moment) aren't really friends. I'd stop socialising with anyone who had an attitude about it.

But if there’s a huge discrepancy such as, you’ve only had one course, or that someone has had the £30 lobster, that’s when you say:

‘I’ve had the £30 lobster, so I’ll put that in, the. Split the rest’
or
’I’ve only had a cheap main course, so I’ll put that in, then you guys can split the rest’

if the person who had the £30 lobster doesn’t raise it, you say ‘oi Bob, your lobster was £20 more than everyone else’s, do you want to pay for yours separately or just add the extra £20 to the bill and then we can split it’

Why are you friends with people you can’t speak to about this stuff?

I only get stung once then I’ll always just say let’s pay for what we had. It’s always the same right arses who try and get you to sub their indulgent dinners when you’ve been more frugal, cheeky shits.

if the meal has been fairly even throughout (and a smaller crowd) that’s a bit different and makes most sense to just split it.

We only pay for what we ordered. But often get a sharer as a side to share as do others. But it was my choice to order it. They shared there's as well. A lot of local independent restaurants say they can't split the bill.

Happened to me recently .. I’d driven and am veggie , everyone ordered steak and alcohol … if I’d not said something I would have ended up paying over twice what my meal cost . The person who suggests splitting the bill is always the one that’s ordered the most. You have to just say

I hate the nit picking process of everyone working out exactly what they've had and the back and forth negotiation. Totally ruins a relaxed social experience for me.

I agree. And, having been left with a shortfall and having to cover the entire tip on a number of occasions with a “oh, let’s just pay for our own at the bar” group, I’ve been a bit scarred by it. If you’re the one who’s obviously consumed more than someone else, you offer to put in an extra £10/£20 or whatever.

As for it being mortifying to calculate how much your order cost, it's much more mortifying to expect someone else to pay for part of your food and drink, unless they've offered to take you out to eat and agreed to foot the bill. I'd be ashamed to know that someone who ate a less expensive meal was paying for part of mine. I'd feel I should always try to match my order to everyone else's, to avoid that situation.

Yes it’s always the people that have had the most expensive meal and multiple drinks who suggest splitting the bill. No excuse for it. It’s not exactly rocket science for everyone to add up the cost of what they have ordered and pay that.

It's tricky but we regularly go out to dine with other couples. Someone drinks a fair bit but someone just drinks tap water. Some order cokes other drinks a couple of glasses of wine.
Someone never has a starter , someone never has a pudding. A few have a coffee. Someone might have fillet steak but no pudding or a coffee. Someone has a fair few wines but no starter or pudding but might have a coffee.

Are we all to sit there, after asking the waiter to bring the menu back , in order to calculate what each of us had?

It's just embarrassing. We just split the bill equally.

With the main group of friends I go out with, we just split the bill. We have the lowest combined income but we're not hard up so it's fine.

With others I'm usually the first to suggest we pay what we owe and split the tip. I don't mind if everyone says "let's just split it equally" but I'm not bashful about money and would hate to think someone was silently hoping we split based on what we ordered. I've been there and when you're shy, It's a lot easier to quickly jump in and agree if someone else suggests it. I also notice if someone orders less than everyone or drinks lemonade while we've had quite a few drinks so point it out if that happened.

It's not ALWAYS the people who order the most that want to split the bill.

I like to split it because it's easier.

If I was out with friends and one had driven and the rest had ordered a cocktail, I would ask that person how they'd like to sort the bill.

If you think everyone you eat with is out to get what they can, I'd suggest choosing better people to socialise with.

Are we all to sit there, after asking the waiter to bring the menu back , in order to calculate what each of us had

You do what you want, as long as everyone's happy with it. The prices are on the receipt btw, or keep a mental note as you go along.

I wonder if the mortified are just embarrassed by the pure existance of people who earn less than them and are on a budget. Filthy peasants. Shouldn't be eating out at all if they can't sub someone's lobster and champagne.

They can. They may choose not to. But actually I've never been anywhere where it wasn't possible. Even if you do the "card roulette" - if it's £20 a head but you had less, you say "take £15 off this card" and everyone else then pays their share. So they don't have to do separate tabs.

I think one tip I saw on here, is to look at the menu in advance, roughly work out what you want to have including a tip, take enough cash then give it to the other couple and ask them to pay your share along with theirs. Then they have to pay for their £30 lobster and you don't have to pay a share of it.

I was recently at a works dinner where the teetotal vegetarian was clearly too shy to speak up for herself, and people sprang to her defence when the bill was split to say she should only pay for what she had and everyone else could share. It was nice to see it that way round.

I’m always the one saying we should pay for what we order because I don’t want to be restricted and I don’t think it’s fair for others to supplement my choices. I would absolutely not be bothered if a friend insisted on paying for what they order because they made choices they can afford. If your friends make a big deal out of it, they aren’t very nice people

If you’re the one who’s obviously consumed more than someone else, you offer to put in an extra £10/£20 or whatever.

Which is fine if everyone were pre-programmed to do that, but, if you've read the thread, experience of many posters is that this doesn't automatically happen.

This!!

In my experience if someone orders the most expensive thing on the menu, they always offer to pay more at the end. However it nearly always balances out as the ones who have had cheaper things may have had puddings/starters/ more expensive drinks.

i really don’t understand why you all have such crappy friends!

Always works for me. Everyone knows what they owe, rounding up slightly for a tip if they so desire, chuck it into the pot , and there is always plenty to cover the bill. Very simple and relaxed.

Happened to me once when I was younger. Ate only about £10 worth of food (no alcohol) as couldn't afford anything more. Had always just paid for what we each ate before, so naievely thought it would be the same. Was told to pay £40 - all the others had had fancy food, loads of alcohol etc. Was told no, I couldn't just pay what I had spent - that extra £30 was food for just over a week for me. Never went out with my work team again.

I think we’ve all been stung. I’m never going to argue the toss over a glass of wine or a dessert but I think some people really take the piss. I went out one time and ended up paying almost 60 for a 15 quid meal. When I dared to object one of the people who’d eaten and drunk far more than me basically said that I shouldn’t come out if I can’t play the game

I just would refuse to dine with anyone who is so poor they have to count and pinch the pennies to that extent. Problem solved!