To hate splitting bills at restaurants?

[AtticusFrost]

We socialise a fair bit but do not have a high income. We do this by being careful about how we spend our money. So I absolutely hate it if in a restaurant at the end of the night someone says forcefully we should just split the bill.
No! I know it is easier. But myself and DH have chosen cheaper options so we can afford this. And it always people who have spent loads who say this.

Always say you are not splitting the bill at the beginning of a meal, make it clear.

It makes me cringe just reading this. Getting your calculators out... 😬

I happily just split it how ever many ways - but I always lose out as the non-drinker!! Recently went to a meal where I didn't know everyone well. I had a £21 main course and drank tap water. Another person, who I didn't really know, had an £11 salad, so when the bill came insisted in paying less. BUT, she'd had three cocktails and when I said "but I didn't drink if you want to be like that" she told me I should have drunk cocktails. My £21 main course cost me £38!

It makes me cringe just reading this. Getting your calculators out

It's 100% normal for us, no cringe whatsoever.

Slowingdownagain why does it make you cringe?

I agree.

Getting your calculators out at the end of the meal? It seems so unsociable. Let me calculate that I'm not paying a penny more than I have consumed. And I require a tool to do so. What an awkward way to end a, presumably, nice meal.

Plus, as I say, most of the time people forget something and the bill comes up short. Then it's even more awkward, when you either have to call your makes out on trying to get out paying for their 3rd drink, or just pay up and know they did it.

I get very embarrassed by people quibbling the bill when we’ve had a lovely evening together so I would much prefer people to ask for separate bills at the start of the evening and simply be clear and assertive about what they want.

When we are out with closest friends we always split but all equal earners/drinkers/eaters. If you’re on tight budget would make it more enjoyable to have separate bill and keep it under your own control.

We split equally so have to get my calculator to work out what the total is divided by number of couples.

We will always make a quick adjustment if people have had noticeably more expensive things or not drinking but that is rare.

I don't get this with my friends, but I have known it happen on work dinners or where there are people I don't know too well.

Just get it out there first, I've said before 'I'll cover my own, as I'm not drinking tonight'.
I've also been known to say 'I'll cover my own as I intend to drink a lot of wine!' 😂

As long as it's upfront, I think it's fine to opt out.

It seems so unsociable. Let me calculate that I'm not paying a penny more than I have consumed. And I require a tool to do so. What an awkward way to end a, presumably, nice meal

It's really not, we're all in agreement, and want to make it fair for everyone. Everyone's perfectly happy.

My view is based on the fact that I am not too worried about money at the minute and I generally dine with people I know and like, so I am not really worried about subsidising them a little (which often is the case as I am not a big drinker). Plus like others says, it's swings and roudabouts - they might have had a drink more than me, but I ordered a side salad.

If I was on a tight budget, I would ask the waiter at the beginning of the meal to put what I order on a seperate bill. Or go to a place where you order at the bar - loads of places do that.

If we were going out for a meal with friends that I knew weren't feeling flush, I'd just make sure we followed their lead. So if they suggest skipping starters then do the same. Swerve the turbot and fillet steak. Let them suggest the wine or stick to beers.

If someone is expecting everyone to split, they need to say at the beginning of the meal. It's not up to people who are expecting to pay for their own meal to bring it up. Usually, if someone gets the hump at not splitting equally, it's because they were expecting to be subsidised.

Problem is some people won't let you opt out.

They go on and on about how much hassle it is to split the bill and how they don't want to have to go up to the bar.

That's what annoys me more. If other people want to do stuff like drink in rounds I don't GAF - they can do what they want and so can I.

It's when they try to force me into doing things that mysteriously always seem to work out to their benefit and make big issues about it that I get angry.

I drink quite a bit and I'm an omnivore but i don't eat much. Usually just a starter instead of a main and no dessert or side.

My husband is vegetarian and teetotal but even so, when we eat out as a family, obviously we don't split the bill, but he usually spends at least as much as I do, once you include his large main course, extra chips, alcohol-free beer, dessert, coffee, etc. Even if I've had 3 or 4 drinks my share is usually less than his.

Drinking or not drinking really isn't the only thing that makes the difference.

Well no. I'm not trying to be a dick, but once I've said what I'm doing, there's no 'not letting me do' anything.

well that is of course rude. I would always prefer to split the bill but I would never argue with someone who wanted otherwise. If they got their calculator out I might do an internal eye roll though. And I would definitely judge if the bill somehow came up £10 short on their calculations.

@PissedUpLightweightEmptyHeadedNooNoo Why does it have to be upfront? What difference does it make if I say when the bill has come that I will pay for what I ate?

This is debated on MN all the time.

I think YANBU, but I do also dislike the cringe of everyone starting to get calculators out at the end, and then the inevitable thing of the money being less than the bill because someone forgot X or Y.

The point is, people just need to be clear from the start.
Either go to a 'set price menu' place and buy your own drinks (or to a place where you can take your own drinks in)
Or go to a "Pay as you order" type pub
Or ask for a separate bill from the start
Or just stick to going out with people who are very much like yourselves.

Of course it isn't right that someone spending £9.95 on a main meal is not subsidising someone who goes for the £18.95 option then adds on sides, has a pudding and also a coffee.

Because it is clear and not up for debate then.
If your whole office go for a meal, and everyone puts in what they have said they have had, it NEVER comes to the right amount.
If anything you order is on your bill, there is no confusion

What should happen is when you order you give a number with your order, so lobster 1, steak 2.

At the end of the evening the waiter just presents a bill with the amount attached to each number, you check its ok, throw your cards in and that's it done.

You have to assert yourself at the start of the meal to agree that you require to pay for your own.

With my friends, we tend to -

(1) ask for food and drink to be billed separately
(2) divide the food bill between everyone
(3) divide the drinks bill between people who had alcohol

I think this is a good compromise. It avoids lengthy calculations / discussions, but ensures non drinkers aren't ripped off

Calculators are far less cringe than the non-alcohol drinking vegetarians paying double their actual bill. Used to get that all the time when I was younger.