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Original poster

To hate splitting bills at restaurants?

446 replies

AtticusFrost · 30/01/2023 16:21

We socialise a fair bit but do not have a high income. We do this by being careful about how we spend our money. So I absolutely hate it if in a restaurant at the end of the night someone says forcefully we should just split the bill.
No! I know it is easier. But myself and DH have chosen cheaper options so we can afford this. And it always people who have spent loads who say this.

OP posts:
Panda89 · 30/01/2023 17:59

I prefer to bill split as I personally find it less awkward than adding up exactly what I had. I tend to be the designated driver and DH doesn't drink, so probably end up paying more this way but I don't mind. I'd rather sub other people and everyone has a nice time.

Moanymyrt · 30/01/2023 17:59

afinishedkiss · 30/01/2023 17:32

Oh Christ no. Mortified for you all, I would rather die. Nitpicking....I only had the small lasagne and a small Coke, I only owe £12.40 and then counting out the exact amount. I couldn't sit in company like that. At least ask for a separate bill in the beginning.

Show quote history

Same. I’d find this very embarrassing personally.

Me and DH were on a double date a few years ago and the couple started doing this, not even between couples them working out their individual shares. So cringy. Poor waiter standing there like a lemon with the card machine in his hand 😂😂😂😂

nowadays when we all go out one person / couple pays and we just take it in turns each time. Normally between who gets to the waiter first.

DanseAvecLesLoup · 30/01/2023 17:59

If you are lucky you have a group of mates who all order roughly the same priced stuff and drink the same amount as you. I am not going to shit the bed over £5-10. However, there are those occasions when 'that' couple get giddy with the wine list, orders the lobster and insists on vintage brandys for themselves before electing to split the bill. It is not a case of not being able to afford it, I just like to challenge cheeky fuckers to pick up outrageous tabs that they themselves have created.

BHRK · 30/01/2023 18:00

I hate it when people only want to pay for their food. It takes ages and it’s awkward. If you can’t afford to split the bill don’t come out… or make it clear that you are skint and will be getting a separate bill. That’s fine too. But don’t wait til the bill comes and then expect us to sit there for 10 minutes working out who had what

WFHbore2023 · 30/01/2023 18:00

caoixr · 30/01/2023 17:59

I just would refuse to dine with anyone who is so poor they have to count and pinch the pennies to that extent. Problem solved!

Gross.

phoenixrosehere · 30/01/2023 18:00

Doris86 · 30/01/2023 17:48

Yes it’s always the people that have had the most expensive meal and multiple drinks who suggest splitting the bill. No excuse for it. It’s not exactly rocket science for everyone to add up the cost of what they have ordered and pay that.

Agree. I usually pay for what I ordered since I always order a sparkling water and typically one-two courses depending on the size of the meal (looked into in advance). We tend to go to different restaurants where you pay first and they bring your food to the table so there’s no need to split. When out with the in-laws those are the restaurants we go to since there is usually (8 adult and 6 kids), two are veg, 4 will order alcohol, 3 will order some type of steak and different income levels. It’s easier and less hassle.

LimeCheesecake · 30/01/2023 18:01

AtticusFrost · 30/01/2023 17:08

@PissedUpLightweightEmptyHeadedNooNoo Why does it have to be upfront? What difference does it make if I say when the bill has come that I will pay for what I ate?

If you say upfront, you can always say to the waiting staff you want separate bills and then you don’t need to have the “who had the side of broccoli?” Conversation, and if the staff say they can’t do separate bills on one table (not something I’ve ever had in the uk), everyone else knows to keep a note of who’s ordered what.

its the only way to avoid the akwardness of working it out, trying to establish if there’s a shortfall etc after a few drinks.

the polite thing to do is to say at the start and avoid any unpleasantness.

Doris86 · 30/01/2023 18:02

BHRK · 30/01/2023 18:00

I hate it when people only want to pay for their food. It takes ages and it’s awkward. If you can’t afford to split the bill don’t come out… or make it clear that you are skint and will be getting a separate bill. That’s fine too. But don’t wait til the bill comes and then expect us to sit there for 10 minutes working out who had what

If you can’t do simple maths to add up what you have ordered then don’t come out.

phoenixrosehere · 30/01/2023 18:03

BHRK · 30/01/2023 18:00

I hate it when people only want to pay for their food. It takes ages and it’s awkward. If you can’t afford to split the bill don’t come out… or make it clear that you are skint and will be getting a separate bill. That’s fine too. But don’t wait til the bill comes and then expect us to sit there for 10 minutes working out who had what

It doesn’t take ages if you pay after you have ordered.

MichelleScarn · 30/01/2023 18:03

Are there really people who would refuse to go out and socialise with 'friends' if the friend couldn't subsidy their expensive taste?
Bloody hell!! If you find this 'cringy' or you'd rather they didn't come out, you should probably let people know this prior to making plans!

ThreeLittleDots · 30/01/2023 18:03

expect us to sit there for 10 minutes

It takes 30 seconds. Do you not know how to add up?

Doris86 · 30/01/2023 18:05

ThreeLittleDots · 30/01/2023 18:03

expect us to sit there for 10 minutes

It takes 30 seconds. Do you not know how to add up?

Even 30 seconds is pushing it.

mumda · 30/01/2023 18:05

If you're offended by someone getting their calculator out then pay for their dinner. Don't pull your face at a problem if you don't want to solve it.

Campervangirl · 30/01/2023 18:07

Same, I hate it, I'm always the designated driver as I'm not a big drinker but I do enjoy a glass of wine if I'm at a restaurant but because I'm driving I end up having a coke.
Then at the end of the night they split the bill and I end up paying a share of everyone's alcohol.
Once the waiter got the bill wrong and we got £20 back and the bill sorter gave £10 back to two of our group while giving nothing to me.
That was the final straw, I ask for my own bill now, there was a bit of a kickback at first but I just said I'm not paying for everyone's alcohol when I've had a coke, you're taking the piss out of me.
You need to set your stall out, it's liberating

WFHbore2023 · 30/01/2023 18:09

Do people not discuss a budget friendly destination for their meals out when organising it?
If we are trying to arrange a catch up, and one of us is watching the bank balance, we'll simply decide on a cheap and cheerful place, or even a kebab and Prosecco night at someone's house.

I feel bad for the people that can't have these discussions with 'friends'

blacktreacles · 30/01/2023 18:09

Fine to pay for what you have as it’s not too hard to work out what was had, I’d be working this out when ordering as well as to save that awkwardness at the end of the meal when the waitstaff are hanging around with the card machine, and people who amy have had a bit to drink might not be adding up properly.

And on that, service charge should be split equally and not proportionally as you’re all paying for the same service.

DanseAvecLesLoup · 30/01/2023 18:11

When I was working in Sweden is was quite normal to request to split the bill when out with friends and waiters were more then happy to oblige as they generally kept tabs as to who had what. Same in Nederlands as well .

sjxoxo · 30/01/2023 18:15

Slowingdownagain · 30/01/2023 16:26

It's socially ackward to be sitting and counting out your diet coke to the pence. Also, whenever it's done this way the payment comes up short. Someone obviously conveniently forgets to claim something they've had, or skirts out of giving a tip.

If you do want it seperate then say in advance and ask the waiter for seperate bills from the outset, or go to places where you order and pay at the counter.

This. I find it so awkward and tbh a bit rude when someone faffs about making a scene because they only want to pay £4 for the starter & glass of water they had! If you can’t afford the time out, don’t go. I would happily pay more than ‘what I had’ to spend a nice time with friends pE the occasion. If moneys that tight I’m worrying about an extra £10 or £20 I think realistically you can afford to go, or if you really have lots of spare cash; you’re being very tight. x

Deathbyfluffy · 30/01/2023 18:17

Slowingdownagain · 30/01/2023 17:01

My view is based on the fact that I am not too worried about money at the minute and I generally dine with people I know and like, so I am not really worried about subsidising them a little (which often is the case as I am not a big drinker). Plus like others says, it's swings and roudabouts - they might have had a drink more than me, but I ordered a side salad.

If I was on a tight budget, I would ask the waiter at the beginning of the meal to put what I order on a seperate bill. Or go to a place where you order at the bar - loads of places do that.

Or just take 30 seconds to work it out on your phone - I can’t stand ordering at the bar, if I’m paying to eat out I don’t want to be jostling at a bar.

It’s really no big issue if you’re reasonably competent with numbers.

bagpuss90 · 30/01/2023 18:19

Wow . So if you’re skint you shouldn’t eat out or socialise with your friends -at a time when it would probably need to get out and about more than ever -

PissedUpLightweightEmptyHeadedNooNoo · 30/01/2023 18:20

WFHbore2023 · 30/01/2023 17:50

It's not ALWAYS the people who order the most that want to split the bill.

I like to split it because it's easier.

If I was out with friends and one had driven and the rest had ordered a cocktail, I would ask that person how they'd like to sort the bill.

If you think everyone you eat with is out to get what they can, I'd suggest choosing better people to socialise with.

This.

There has been many a time when I've just said 'oh let's split it' when I've probably ended up out of pocket.

It's usually because:

I'm with my friends, who, you know, I actually quite like, and trust that they aren't just out to rip me off to the tune of a free glass of vino and a creme brulee.

I have a vague memory that they XXXX got an extra round in last time we went out

I'm tired, and I just want to go home.

I'm ready for another, and just want to move on.

But like I said, if on a work do, or an occasion where friend of friends/ friend's husbands knobhead brother might be attending, I just say beforehand that I'm not splitting. Saying it upfront just means I don't have to be involved in the post-meal analysis.

Slowingdownagain · 30/01/2023 18:20

Deathbyfluffy · 30/01/2023 18:17

Or just take 30 seconds to work it out on your phone - I can’t stand ordering at the bar, if I’m paying to eat out I don’t want to be jostling at a bar.

It’s really no big issue if you’re reasonably competent with numbers.

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i imagine this is why there’s so often a shortfall. People quickly working it out in their heads.

shimmy247 · 30/01/2023 18:21

I used to be cabin crew in my early 20's on a £13k salary and crap trip pay. In Portugal, the whole crew including pilots went for dinner. I had no drinks, chose the cheapest thing which was a plain omelette for €3. They split the bill at the end and I can't remember exactly how much it was, but I had to pay a lot more than €3!!!!! I was fuming, didn't have the guts to say anything but I really didn't have that money to spend.

So yes, I totally understand and although I have more money now I would always be conscious of this when I'm dining with others!

JudgeRudy · 30/01/2023 18:23

I disagree with bill splitting becoming the norm. For me it's not so much about the money but the expectation. Cost wise I sit pretty much in the middle of a group so tend to pay for roughly what I've eaten. I don't do drink rounds though as I'd end up subsidising others. I can see how it would grate though.

BTW, on the odd occasion someone/couple have asked to just pay for what they've had I've not objected. I think we often imagine people are more interested in us than they are. Nothing wrong with throwing £20 in and saying "ours came to £16.50"....no need for a separate bill. I always take some cash as it gets complicated transferring. I've also not noticed anyone in my circle taking advantage.
One thing I don't do is pay for other people's kids eg 5 adults but 3 kids (not mine) let do suggest a 5 way split. No let's not!

ThreeLittleDots · 30/01/2023 18:29

"faffing about"

"making a scene"

"killing the vibe"

"falling over themselves"

None of this actually happens when people simply choose to pay their own way... I'm not sure why people are projecting this ridiculous image so much, unless it's to further denigrate "the [perceived] poor"