To hate splitting bills at restaurants?

[AtticusFrost]

We socialise a fair bit but do not have a high income. We do this by being careful about how we spend our money. So I absolutely hate it if in a restaurant at the end of the night someone says forcefully we should just split the bill.
No! I know it is easier. But myself and DH have chosen cheaper options so we can afford this. And it always people who have spent loads who say this.

This is something I see coming up a lot on here and I do find somewhat interesting as it seems to be a cultural difference.

In my culture you'd be looked down on for not splitting the bill. In fact you'd be talked about by a lot of people.

I absolutely hate splitting in big groups. I always get stung. Once I had to pay £70 over what we had because half the table had been getting drunk (we were driving). I was furious and made a note not to socialise with them again.

Then last year at a family gathering we were told the bill worked out at £30 per head (two courses off a set lunch menu and some wine). It was a little more than we'd have paid if it was just us but we were fine with that until it turned out they had calculated that per head and wanted us to pay that for our three kids who had a kids set meal (about £8 each). Suddenly it became really awkward because we had to pay this massive bill we hadn't budgeted for. I'm still reeling. Never again will I split the bill at a large meal, I'm going to make our excuses and leave a little earlier and settle our part ahead of the awkwardness.

I get what you mean but your "£5 £10" could make a big difference to some. I've gone in a Hungry Horse or Whetherspoons with a tenner. I need to get a dinner and drinks. I've sometimes picked a meal that wasn't my first choice but was on the 2 for 12 menu. Not everyone has that luxury of going a tenner either way. It's also not fair

I once had a £10 meal and was watching my pennies. Someone announced the bill was £20 each and I called them out on it. Just said mines a tenner so I’m not paying double. I got an awful look but i didn’t care, a few pounds here or there i don’t mind but that was taking the mick!

YANBU. I grew up in another country, and when I came to UK, this (splitting the bill, instead of paying your share) puzzled me. (Same with getting rounds in the pub!) In other countries, the waiter gives everyone a bill based on what they ordered. I always feel guilty if I order expensive food when I go out with friends, but I'd always be happy to pay my share.

We generally split the bill for ease but sometimes when I go out with the girls there can be quite a big discrepancy in what we order (I've usually had a bottle wine and a pud😂) so we add a tip to the total then knock off £20/£30 split it between us then I pay the £20/£30 on top. We never work it out exactly and tbf I usually pay a bit more than I had but I generally get a free lift home too.

Waiters can always give you a bill on your share if you tell them when you order that you want separate bills- most of the tech they use to order now allows them to do this easily. Makes everything much easier and smoother.

I think splitting the bill is acceptable if everyone has had similar things, i.e. no one has gone for the £40 steak special when everyone else has had £15 mains or expecting people who don't drink to chip in for the 4 bottles of wine on the bill etc.

I would just be up front at the start of the meal or when you accept the invitation that you'd prefer to cover just your own tab.

It does sound like you can’t really afford to ‘socialise quite a bit’ if this is often an issue! I’d always rather go out less often, and not have to worry about the bill when I do - than go out to eat regularly and have to painstakingly count out my coppers every time!

I've never once gone out with a group and 'split the bill' in that way. Each person or couple always looks at the bill and adds up what we have spent. Then we each pay for what we have ordered.

It's why I like the apps for ordering at tables as a result of covid. All parties can order what they want, and pay for their own. Much more efficient.

Looked down on? How dare I want to pay for what I’ve ordered and not subsidise all the people who have chosen a more expensive meal.

I don't drink on the rare occasions I go out because I can't afford to so I always make it clear that I will be paying for what I have. I became very firm with this after being designated driver on a night out and everybody knocking back bottle after bottle of Prosecco and cocktails and then told my contribution was £70! Absolutely fucking not! I had one meal and a couple of soft drinks which came to £20. I wasn't paying for everybody else's booze. You have to speak up otherwise people take the piss.

Doesn't matter whether you can afford it or not. It's simply not right that someone who's had a cheaper meal subsidises those who've had lots of drinks or more expensive meal options.

The very worst people are the ones who say “ oh, we’re off, have to get back for the cat/dog/ babysitter, we had the penne pasta @ 15 so here’s £30. ” Forgetting they shared the shared starters , ate the bread and olives, drank the bottles of mineral water someone ordered , and there was a service charge.

I'd forgotten about this drama, not having lived in the UK for over a decade.
In the EU country I now live in, the waiter comes at the end of the meal and each person pays in turn for what they have ordered - each person just says to the waiter what they have had and they get a bill for it. People don't "forget" that they had 3 glasses of champagne and a dessert. Works really well and there's never been issues with people trying to get away with not paying for things.
Some places give each person a beer mat for the drinks and make a tally chart on there so you just hand your beer mat over at the end of the evening, say what food you had, get the bill.

Like I said, cultural differences.

Painstakingly count out your coppers? Seriously, some people are making such a meal out of this (pun intended!)

Just add up what you order in your head as you go along. Round up each item to the nearest pound if you so wish, to make it easier and to allow for a tip. Then chuck the total amount in the pot at the end.

This is infant school level maths.

Had someone do this recently, so embarrassing 😬

Same. Glad quite a few switched to that instead of having to sometimes hunt someone down for the check.

Although ... I've been the bill payer left stuffed with an underpayment by people who "just pay for what they ate" and "forget" to include a tip, a proportion of stuff that is shared (eg bread, olives, water etc).

I don't over-order and expect others to sub me, but I've several times been one of the patsies left in subsidising those friends "on a budget."

So be really careful about how you do this @AtticusFrost Part of the cost of going out with friends is the sharing of food & drink, and people who just keep to their own, and hand over the bare minimum to the sucker who ends up with the bill are mean in my book, and should not go out with large groups.

This!!!!!!!

I agree. I am pretty easy going and have no problem paying a few pounds extra- but there are a few people who really take the piss. It is not okay to sponge off other people, who may be carefully watching every penny. Special mention to couples who count themselves as one person, those who bring their children along to a mainly adult group and think everyone else should split their bill- particularly when they just order soft drinks constantly, large family/friendship groups who count the children as adults when splitting (even though they have had £4 children's meal). Finally- at the end of the meal, people who quibble about a couple of £s each for the tip.

With work people it is a lunch so a set price. With 'friends" from work it is an evening and sometimes I get caught out. One person ordered loads of wine and sides a d we had to split the bill. I made a point of saying at our break the next day: that restaurant was very dear, I paid 40 for one course and coffee. In fact I took that opportunity to stop going out with them, as I 'couldn't afford' to spend 40 on one course. In actual fact a main course was 20 and coffee was 3. I kept going on about a main course and coffee costing me 40.

Just say to the waiter at the start of the meal when orders are being taken that yours is on a separate order and bill.