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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So angry with H annual leave

411 replies

EveryDayIsA · 30/01/2023 06:58

DD isn't very well, was up most of the night last night, we finally settled down at 4.30, she's just awaken. Whilst I was up with her H was happily snoring away on the sofa. This morning I've just asked him if he can have her a couple of hours so I can go back to sleep. He said no as he is on leave this week so I need to treat it like he isn't here as im normally on my own mondays. Now I already get resentful over H's leave as all my leave is taken up for DDs hols, but he said that's fine as I don't work Mon and Wednesdays (albeit still have DD on these days)

Your being unreasonable - he is on leave and this time is his, he wouldn't normally be here anyway

Your not being unreasonable - he's not at work so should help you out

OP posts:
WorryMcGee · 30/01/2023 10:59

Absolute arsehole. You don’t get annual leave from parenting, he needs to man the fuck up and do his share.

Loics · 30/01/2023 11:02

I think the 1% voting YABU is your husband.
It's annoying when you don't get to spend your annual leave as you want, but it happens, especially when you have kids. 2 hours isn't much of an ask at all, I'd expect him to at least be helping out all day.

Cherrysoup · 30/01/2023 11:05

I certainly wouldn't be doing childcare for his other child. That is his responsibility and he needs to do that. If that means you take yours out and leave him home, then so be it. Get organising!

Seeingadistance · 30/01/2023 11:08

megletthesecond · 30/01/2023 07:04

My ex was like this. If he was on leave it was a nice break for him.

Yep, My ex was the same.

TheOrigRights · 30/01/2023 11:09

I have only read the OP's posts, but I want to offer my support.

My ex would always shrug and grin and say 'well, that's how it is' as if the matter (whether I was asking him to fetch a pint of milk, put laundry on the line, attend to one of the children, or not be a fucking pig at my parents' funerals) was closed and I just needed to accept that's the way he was, take it or leave it.

It drips in slowly.

I hope your DD gets well soon.

SherlockStones · 30/01/2023 11:13

This sounds grin and he sounds like an idiot, you shouldn't accept this OP.

PhillySub · 30/01/2023 11:14

If you go on utube you will learn how easy itvis to change the locksvon the doors.

Peanuts2000 · 30/01/2023 11:16

WTAF??? Selfish pr!ck, is there any family you can go and stay with for a while till you find somewhere else?

MichaelFabricantWig · 30/01/2023 11:19

He is on leave from work, not from his life

this! What an absolute 🔔 🔚

ivykaty44 · 30/01/2023 11:23

weekends are leave for you then - he needs to treat it as if you aren't there....

mickandrorty · 30/01/2023 11:24

what the actual fuck did i just read? You need to kick him out, you will do it on your own you will be fine and you will be 1 child less! This is not how it works i could never imagine my husband saying something like that, that is just absolutely cuntish! I'm outraged for you, please don't settle with that for the rest of your life.

TheOrigRights · 30/01/2023 11:29

PhillySub · 30/01/2023 11:14

If you go on utube you will learn how easy itvis to change the locksvon the doors.

Bad advice - unless the man has no right to be in the property which I don't think the OP has commented on.

You can't just go around changing locks.

Draconis · 30/01/2023 11:31

It makes me so angry that these awful horrible men get to have a lovely wife and children. They should be outcasts from society as they clearly don't know how to be decent human beings.
Op, he's meant to care about you and his dc yet he treats you like staff and doesn't give a shit about you at all.
You can leave him and you'll be happier.

Nightynightnight · 30/01/2023 11:36

I didn't know we could take annual leave from parenting. Who do I get my form to?

Mrsmch123 · 30/01/2023 11:36

Yeah he's a selfish arsehole. I would expect my husband to help with my little one annual leave or not. He's not on holiday from family life.

VitaminX · 30/01/2023 11:38

How horribly unkind. He must have so much disdain for you to be able to treat you so coldly. I'm so sorry for you and I hope you will find the strength to leave. He doesn't deserve you or his daughter at all.

ICanHideButICantRun · 30/01/2023 11:42

The thing is that you have to accept some responsibility for the rest of your life. You could be strong and move out or you could be weak and stay. It's a tough choice but it's your choice.

The only thing is that if you do stay, knowing all this, you can't really complain about it because you made that free choice.

Why not do some research into the financial aspects of life apart?

Iwasntgettingasandwich · 30/01/2023 11:43

Having to change leave plans as a child is ill is rubbish but we all need to do it as parents. I've done it, dh has done it. Like loads of PPs I would be looking at separating from someone so uncaring.

Outnumbered99 · 30/01/2023 11:45

How is your relationship with his ex? Might she be a support to you? I hope you find the strength to leave, he sounds absolutely hideous.

Lndnmummy · 30/01/2023 12:04

Start working fulltime with immediate effect

MsRosley · 30/01/2023 12:13

Jesus Christ, 100 years of feminism and there's still men who think their kids are somehow not their day-to-day responsibility.

callmeblondee · 30/01/2023 12:16

I am so often shocked at how much women put up with these overgrown man babies. The resentment I would feel, the sadness i would feel at being chained to such a selfish wanker. So sorry you are in this relationship

Topseyt123 · 30/01/2023 12:16

He seems not to understand that there is no such thing as annual leave from being a parent. Fuck him. Do not accept this bollocks.

I'd be seriously reconsidering the future of the relationship on the basis of this ignorant and slobbish attitude as it won't get better.

MeganTheeScallion · 30/01/2023 12:21

Speechless!!! YADNBU!!!

FlissyPaps · 30/01/2023 12:21

Annual leave means annual leave from employment not from being a parent.

He is a nasty selfish c*nt and you deserve much better OP.

SHOW HIM THE REPLIES TO THIS THREAD