So angry with H annual leave

[EveryDayIsA]

DD isn't very well, was up most of the night last night, we finally settled down at 4.30, she's just awaken. Whilst I was up with her H was happily snoring away on the sofa. This morning I've just asked him if he can have her a couple of hours so I can go back to sleep. He said no as he is on leave this week so I need to treat it like he isn't here as im normally on my own mondays. Now I already get resentful over H's leave as all my leave is taken up for DDs hols, but he said that's fine as I don't work Mon and Wednesdays (albeit still have DD on these days)

Your being unreasonable - he is on leave and this time is his, he wouldn't normally be here anyway

Your not being unreasonable - he's not at work so should help you out

He’s on leave from work, not his fucking children. Did the dipshit think he could have kids and then not parent them at all when he has time off? When do you get time off from parenting?

You need to stop enabling him, when he has his eldest, go out, stop doing all the parenting. Leave him with your child more often, if he bitches, remind him, it’s not a competition, just like he says to you. Don’t do anything for him as he does nothing for you and most of all, start planning your exit.

He either changes or you leave. And he probably won't change.

For today I'd go out and leave dd home with him.

A day or two off to yourself is lovely, dh and I sometimes book a day when dc are in childcare. Not a whole bloody week while the other parent is doing childcare though!

That'd be me out of the door for the day, alone, without a backward glance.

And yes, from now on you're not nanny for sd

I imagine then he's like this with a lot of things. An absolute lazy git that thinks looking after his child is "babysitting". Ofcourse he's being unreasonable more like being a total arsehole! He's off work so therefore he needs to help out, uv had a rough night and ur off to bed. Don't ask just do it. If he won't let u sleep then leave the house go for a walk or to family/friends if possible and get a sleep.

I cldnt put up with a man like that. It's 50/50 with the kids when he's here or I'm off. My dh still needs kept in line and has a moan now and again. Like I'm just home from work why do u need a bath, I'm knackered. Coz my hair hasn't been washed for 4days and I've had the kids all day, bye!

It sounds like u absolutely want to leave. Start planning, save up what u can in your own account. See if it would be possible to reduce ur hours at work to pick up ur daughter in future. Remember he will have to pay maintenance assuming that he's on PAYE rather than self employed (when they all lie about what they earn). If u know his salary u cld look up what u think u wld be entitled to. Assuming he has her a couple of days a week. I can't imagine he wld cope with 50/50 as he's so lazy.

I am aghast. My eyes couldn't get any wider nor my mouth hang any more open reading this. Yes, this time is his own - to spend on HIS family, on HIS child, supporting HIS partner and following through on the ramifications of HIS CHOICES, i.e. to have a child and a family. Bloody hell... this is unacceptable.

So he doesn’t care about you. And he doesn’t care about his sick child.
Tell him to look after his child and go back to bed. What a prize bastard he is.

You have no support because he has made sure all your time and energy is used up and revolves around him. Start taking DD to every local group going on your days off, build a network away from him.

If our children were at nursery together, I wouldn't bat an eyelid at collecting yours and having them half an hour, a few days a week. If I thought it would help someone leave a man like this, I'd beg to do it!

If you hate the idea of asking for help, you could share by taking their child in the morning and they get yours in the evening. Perhaps ask the nursery discretely if there's anyone who might be able to help.

None of these problems are insurmountable. The awkwardness at asking for help is nothing compared to the misery of carrying on in a relationship like this.

Wow. My DH and I both use all of our annual leave for kids holidays / childcare. Nobody gets annual leave from life! His thought pattern here is very odd, he sounds very narcissistic

Is it possible to go back to work full time. He seems to be using your working PT as an excuse for his laziness - if you were working full time do you think he'd be forced to step up more?

I guess not, but ..?

In terms of leaving - why would you have to leave your house with your daughter? And he would still have to support your daughter financially.

What a fucking prick. This has given me the rage.
When he's on leave that means he "isn't there" so he doesn't have to support his wife and his child??
Fucking hell. When you are on leave you still have to "be there" and look after your child.

Today I would either:

1. Fuck off out somewhere, anywhere, with a cheery "I'm going out now. You're in charge" followed by a swift exit and door closed.
2. Ignore the twat all day and do absolutely nothing for him, he "isn't there" after all. (though I actually really don't like the ignore and not speak to someone tactic - my mother used to do that for months on end with my Dad and sometimes with me and it was damaging - especially as I picked up on it and thought it was ok to do it to others until I was about 21 and realized it was awful........) So by ignore, actually just do nothing for him but don't not speak to him, if he complains about not getting fed just say, well you're on leave and not here.

And going forward, I think you should start looking at your options. Doing this does not mean you have to leave, but think of it as getting informed about possibilities, one of which might be to leave. Armed with information you can make a proper decision. Without information you will be fearful and unsure whether you can afford it.
Prickface will have to pay CM, unless he goes for 50:50 custody (unlikely). You can look at accommodation options. Childcare. Any benefits you might be entitled to. And so on and so forth. And then decide what to do.

He is not going to get any better. He is a nasty prick. Personally I would be kicking him out but that's easier said than done if you are worried about finances.

It might sound hard, but your life will be so much better without this prick.

This is bang on.

OP, I mean this in love and kindness: people manage single parenting in much tougher situations. That isn't meant in an admonishing or guilt-tripping way, but in an encouraging one. You have a good job, you have savings. You have the rest of your life ahead of you! Don't resign yourself to staying in this miserable, soul destroying situation. If nothing else, think of your child. Do you want them growing up seeing this imbalanced, abusive relationship and finding it normal and familiar? Because that is then what they will seek in future relationships, subconsciously. You and your child deserve WORLDS better than this dung heap of a man.

Single parenting is absolutely possible. It always looks daunting, making a big life change. Costs seem insurmountable. They're not. People get by on much less than what you have. With the renewed energy and self esteem you'll have by not being in this situation, you will be able to build a life for yourself that's rewarding, fulfilling and fun. What could be better for yourself and your child?

He is a selfish, mean, prick.

I really feel for you OP, your H sounds awful.

But don't kid yourself that not leaving him is the best thing, you're actively putting your DD second by keeping her in an environment with an emotionally abusive father.

It would be interesting to get the ex’s perspective as to why they finished.

You can do this OP. Being a single parent is better than what you have now. Your situation is toxic

Fucking hell, so what is he going to do? Make himself a pina colada and go on a sunbed whilst you manage DD and the house on 3 hours sleep? There is no way on god’s earth I’d ever think of doing this if my DH had had a tough night and I was on leave. It would not even CROSS MY MIND. Never mind you, does he not want to spend some time with his DD or care for her if she’s not feeling well? What a terribly sad situation.

Leave.
You'll afford it. Why do you think he won't pick her up at his usual times?
He will pay for her. He will have to. I single parented. Got a 1 bed cheap flat. Soon she will get 15/30 free hours anyway.

Or

Stay with this prick. And teach your daughter that this is a normal relationship. You know, mum does it all, dad does fuck all, doesn't even care to spend his holiday with his own Child. Doesn't actually love or respect his wife.

Everyone finds a way.

I had the same situation where I was working that day and my sone woke up with an abscess in his mouth. His Dad was on his day off and on the way to play golf, I called him and explained. He said he couldn't come back !
He is now my ex.

Honestly sounds like life would be easier as a single parent.

He's got a brass neck, I'll give him that.

What a selfish pig.

Any decent man would be whisking the child away and INSISTING you go back to bed.

What have I just read?

I’m still on Mat. Leave. My little one has a bit of congestion so she was up every hour in the night. When I woke at 9:45 this morning it transpired my husband had taken the baby monitor out of the room at 6am and had taken over her care to let me sleep and he’s working today!

Your husband is an ass and you deserve better.

Wow. Does someone really have to explain to him that parents use their holidays to spend time with their children (and do other useful things around the house). What does he think will happen when the DC are in school? School holidays are a lot longer than one parent's annual leave - so he would be paying for a nanny so he can sit on his arse in the same house, pretending he's not there?