Partners family not talking to me

[wheresthewine36]

I've been with my partner just over a year but have known him and his family since we were children. When we got together, I was seeing lots of his mum, sister, brother and brothers girlfriend. Had them over to dinner, hosted family parties, babysat their children etc. Last July, I noticed a shift in atmosphere around partners sister, brother and his girlfriend and asked partners mum if she'd noticed anything, or if I had unknowlingly upset someone. She said she wasn't aware of anything and thought I was being overly sensitive. Over the next few weeks, contact with all three of them completely stopped (had been very regular before that) and partners brother and his girlfriend unfriended me on social media. Partners sister had invited myself and my children to stay with her in the summer and when I messaged to ask about dates, she simply never replied. Partner said he had no idea why, partners mother said the same. I told partners mother that I intended to ask them what the issue was and she asked me not to as she was concerned it may "cause trouble". I did as I was asked and hoped some sort of explanation would come about. It never has and I am now excluded from everything which involves them. Partner still goes to visit them etc. with his children. Myself and my children are excluded from these visits. At Christmas, I bought gifts for all their children (6 of them) from my partner, myself and our children. They bought gifts for my partner and his children but nothing for me and my children and none of them ever thanked me for the gifts. I explained to my partner how hurt I was and he again told me he had no idea why they had suddenly cut me out. It has upset me but what has upset me more is that my partner has never asked them what the problem is or in any way brought the situation up with them. This all came to a head a few days ago when partners sister was visiting his brother (who lives 10 minutes from us) and partner went to their house to see her. When he came back, I told him again that I was upset he didn't seem to have any loyalty to me and whilst I didn't want to cause trouble in his family, I really think he should have asked them all why they have chosen to exclude me and my children in this way. He says its none of his business. I feel really strongly about this and think he should have at least asked them what is going on. So, am I being unreasonable to expect him to have my back? Sorry for the long post.

Is this the cousin whose wife collected the Ex's watch & belongings ?

Block the lot of them on all channels.

He’s obviously very good at charming the pants off women op. I hope this love affliction will be remedied soon. It sounds as if the process is now well under way.

so basically this is this thing non of them were saying? and they were all actually quiet and off becasue they didnt know how to act now they new he was cheating on you?

This makes me question your judgement tbh, why would you get yourself and your children involved in such a messy situation?

Well thank god your no longer part of that shitshow of a family/partner. They all sound horrific, well, except for the cousin's wife who sounds as though she's got their number.

Onwards and upwards - fortunately you have no need to have an iota to do with him (or them) now he's gone (count your lucky stars you don't have a kid with him!) and social media can be blocked.

What in the Jeremy Kyle is absolutely right. This family are perfect material for ithat. This took how long? The family will promote this relationship not just to hurt you but to fool this woman into doing what you were doing so the don't have to. You are well out of it. If blocking them all helps you move on do that but if seeing all of this helps you move on and see what you've escaped don't block.

Obviously overcome with grief.

You are well out of it.

She is an idiot for letting him across the threshold - doubtless he has given her his own version of your break up which involves a re-write of the truth along the lines of "I can't believe how stupid I was to let you go. I have only ever loved you. etcetcetc"

I predict that they are unlikely to live happily ever after.

What's that expression "no man as loving as one who needs somewhere to stay".

Goodness knows what he has fed her.

Just be relieved he is no longer your problem.

Fast moving Cocklodger. Lucky escape OP.

Well she's an idiot isn't she?
Good luck to her.

Oh WOW! What a prince. The ex-wife 1 and him are well suited by the sounds of it.

Block them all, not worthy of any more tears from you. Onwards and upwards for you and your children.

Indeed, quite the cheetah of cocklodgers.

Wow ...you are all heart...victim blaming.

Great expression !! 👌

Blimey, what a dick

That is so hilarious. How utterly embarrassing for them. 😆😆😆

Yes. Very apt.

That’s not victim blaming, that’s applying common sense and logic before jumping into a relationship.

She has known them for about 20 or so years and know of all the drama yet still got into a relationship with an obvious cocklodger and got her kids involved.

How is the victim blaming? The story of his ex wife having child new with his stepbrother alone will raise so many red flags.

He and his family are mean horrible people but that does not excuse her from any accountability for getting involved in such a messy situation.

true.

OP made a mistake. She knew the family for many years; had been befriended by the mother when sh was vulnerable emotionally herself; they were able to hide their pure batshttery from her because as a "fried" they still only showed her their sympathetic side; it was when she began living with her partner (hereafter termed "The Twt", and became "family", that they even began to reveal themselves in their true colours.

Which of us hasn't made a mistake? I'll bet there are very few among us who hasn't been conned in a friendship/ romantic relationship at one time or another.

When the truth became known she cut them, and The Tw*t out of her life. She saw her mistake and learned from it. It takes tremendous insight and strength to do that.

Ignore the detractors, OP - you have shown enormous strength and common sense. You won't go down that path again, I'm sure.

*a "friend", not a "fried" - naughty autocarrot

@Cantstandbullshitanymore As you may have noticed from my posts, I question my own judgement, often. After all, the reason I created the thread in the first place was because I wasn't sure if my reaction to the situation was appropriate or may be an overreaction. I suffer from CPTSD and one of the effects of this is constantly questioning myself. It also means I am particularly susceptible to gaslighting, unfortunately.

I have blocked all their numbers and blocked the entire family on the few avenues of social media I use. Seeing the photos was helpful because it has confirmed my recent assessment of them as accurate. I can't say I'm not hurt by the whole situation but it's a lesson I won't forget.

Thank you again to everyone who has helped me to focus and given me words of encouragement, it really has helped immensely.

Sometimes when we are in the thick of things we don't see the situation as clearly so we need someone to point out the error of our ways. When you knew something wasnt right and that was reinforced by the feedback you got here, you acted decisively and in a dignified way. It hurts to be treated so badly but you managed it so well. Most of us learn by our mistakes and you have, they, maybe not so much, but that says more about them than you.

Take care of yourself, you should be proud of how you handled it.

Speechless