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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband putting considerable pressure on me NOT to return to work

507 replies

whatatanker · 28/01/2023 15:39

We’ve got 3DC, and DH works for himself, has flexible work patterns and is well paid. I’m a teacher who has taken a lot of time off in the past 8 years, raising children. (Have been back a little in between kids but only p/t and only once each child was around 2 ish)

I have just been offered my dream job. I really want to accept it but because of the start times DH would now have to do most of the getting kids ready in the morning and school run. I’d have to leave early. I would then be able to do afternoon school run. He really does not want to do this and is pushing back significantly against me returning to work.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
HikingforScenery · 28/01/2023 15:56

As long as you’re both going to share getting their stuff ready, the night before, i don’t see the problem. As pp says, you’ve an 8 year old

HikingforScenery · 28/01/2023 15:59

Is your DH going to drop them off at breakfast club? i don’t see how a teacher can get their own children to school and get to his class

Travis1 · 28/01/2023 16:01

Take the job. It’s your dream role and you’ve already made sacrifices. This chance might not come again

MsMarch · 28/01/2023 16:02

So... he wants you to sit at home, NOT doing your dream job, all because he doesn't want to do the school run? Not even "can't" do the school run or "would find it really tricky to make work with my schedule"?!

hahahahahaha.

Tell him if he feels that strongly about it he can pay for a mothers help every morning.

BrassMarbles · 28/01/2023 16:03

Is your DH going to drop them off at breakfast club? i don’t see how a teacher can get their own children to school and get to his class

Looks someone missed reading and comprehension class. Nowhere does the OP say her DH is a teacher. She is a teacher.
Take the job. Op. It's doesn't bode well for your relationship that your DH is being so selfish, he is saying your wishes in life are not important, you might need your income in the future.

LaLuz7 · 28/01/2023 16:03

Shoxfordian · 28/01/2023 15:43

Take it, he’s being selfish

Take it. Don't hesitate.

You've done the lion's share of raising your kidd. Time for you to regain financial independence and for him to do his part.

Don't even question it.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/01/2023 16:04

Au pair would do the actually getting them ready, whereas childminder would not - OP would end up having to get children up and out even earlier and that’s just not fair on her or the kids.

AnotherNameChangeYes · 28/01/2023 16:06

He doesn’t want his easier life to change.

Mariposista · 28/01/2023 16:08

Congratulations! You are obviously an excellent employee. Accept the job, it's your DH time to step up and be a parent!

arethereanyleftatall · 28/01/2023 16:09

Please take this job op. Please.

What he is suggesting is beyond sexist, awful and not from a good place.

I wouldn't be with a man who would even think this let alone suggest this.

rogueone · 28/01/2023 16:10

I take it during your career break that your DH has been topping up your pension? I would be going back to work and your DH can do his share of parenting as that is what it is.

JudgeRudy · 28/01/2023 16:11

Is it definitely about getting the children up and ready or something deeper about you returning to full time work?
Let's assume it's the practical stuff. Does he think he can't do it or is it just one of the less pleasant and stressful tasks of child rearing? If it's just he really doesn't want to do it I'd be responding with OK, what do suggest, a part time nanny? Just because you've taken time out I'm assuming the plan was that you would eventually return to full time work. This isn't about challenging logistics, the practical answer is there.

I don't want to make assumptions but I'm going to guess that getting the kids up and ready in the mornings isn't at the top of your 'can't wait' list. Does he realise he's essentially asking you to do something thst he's not prepared to do and let your career suffer too.
Maybe 'scare' him by looking at other alternative careers even you can leave later, but he'll need to take some AL during school hols....or maybe another child?!

FlowerArranger · 28/01/2023 16:12

You WILL regret it if you don't take this job.

Both professionally and in terms of how your resentment will affect your relationship with your husband.

Take the job and fly!!

ManchesterGirl2 · 28/01/2023 16:15

He is being a dick. Take the job, don't give in to his pressure.

isthewashingdryyet · 28/01/2023 16:16

Another one saying take the job, it is vital that all adults maintain the ability to stay self supporting in terms of wages and pension provision. The future is unknown, and a decent pay packet gives you independence and choices should you ever need them.
and acts as a superb example to your kids

enjoy your new job

ScissorsPaperStone · 28/01/2023 16:17

Do the job. He can do the mornings or he can organise early morning help (not easy I know). Good luck.

Sunshineseabeach · 28/01/2023 16:19

My thoughts are that you have a selfish husband who doesn’t support you or care about you; even if he thinks is going to be too much for the family you will find a way like getting extra help.

Everyonehasavoice · 28/01/2023 16:20

You’ve taken a lot of time off in the last 8 years and now found your dream job.
Your husbands hours are flexible, yours won’t be
YANBU
Why should you have to give up your career
You may never find the perfect job again
Take it while you can
Your dh is being unreasonable

ICanHideButICantRun · 28/01/2023 16:21

I would take it. Are all the children now in school or nursery? Is it just the 7-9 am slot that he doesn't want to do?

BabyOnBoard90 · 28/01/2023 16:22

Sounds like a great problem to have tbh.

Clearly there's no wrong answer here. You're not going to get much more here than miserable people insulting your husband.

LaLuz7 · 28/01/2023 16:24

BabyOnBoard90 · 28/01/2023 16:22

Sounds like a great problem to have tbh.

Clearly there's no wrong answer here. You're not going to get much more here than miserable people insulting your husband.

What? Having a selfish husband? 😂

Aquamarine1029 · 28/01/2023 16:24

Absolutely take the job because you desperately need your financial independence. Given how clearly selfish your husband is, I don't have great hopes for your marriage. A partner who truly loves and respects you would never try to prevent you from taking an opportunity like this.

Hankunamatata · 28/01/2023 16:24

He needs to get a grip. He just needs to lay out breakfast stuff night before, same with uniforms and make sure bags are packed.

Tiswa · 28/01/2023 16:24

It is your dream job and you are both parents he needs to step up

ShimmeringShirts · 28/01/2023 16:26

Does he realise he’s their parent too? Does he realise if you two were to separate he’d need to do it all on his own the days he had them? Might be worth reminding him.