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AIBU?

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Original poster

Weird to go to a concert/holiday with 16 year old daughter?

468 replies

RedLines · 26/01/2023 09:56

I am a father of 4 and only my youngest is at home.
Divorced and have my 16 year old daughter half the time.
I have taken her to a couple of concerts - Billy Eilish etc and have just bought a couple of tickets for another concert, at her request.

My new partner of over a year is very put out by this and thinks it is wierd and unhealthy for a father to be taking his daughter to a concert.

Similarly, I have an interest in a house in Spain and last year went to Spain to the house with her for a fortnight, the other kids were busy and didn't come or there was only a couple of days overlap with my eldest daughter.

My partner thinks that it is really weird that a father goes on holiday alone with his daughter.
For context this is a house that has been in the family for 40 years and has 4 bedrooms and two bathrooms and has been a holiday destination every year for all of the family.

I am blindsided by the position taken by my partner!

Can I ask if

1.) It is unusual or wierd for a father to go to a music concert with his 16 year old daughter

2.)It is unusual or wierd for a father to go on holiday with his 16 year old daughter (she was 15 last summer)

OP posts:
SlowHorses67 · 26/01/2023 14:17

No you are not weird and it’s not weird. My DH does stuff with our DD age 16 all the time, they are great friends.

Your new partner doesn’t sound very nice.

Pojji · 26/01/2023 14:20

I think your relationship with your daughter sounds lovely! It's great that you enjoy one another's company and tastes in music. Its a real shame your girlfriend can't see this.
I know a girl a similar age who goes to a festival every year with her dad. I think its lovely.

What is is that she finds weird about it? She is your daughter

BungleandGeorge · 26/01/2023 14:23

It’s rare something is unanimous! Taking your child on an outing or holiday is definitely not weird, neither is it remotely out of the ordinary. I presume your partner has some serious jealousy issues

BurbageBrook · 26/01/2023 14:29

Your partner is a jealous, controlling weirdo. Of course it’s not weird at all!

supamummy · 26/01/2023 14:41

Not at all weird. Continue doing things with your child. I'm sorry your partner is making you doubt yourself.

ChrisPPancake · 26/01/2023 14:41

Please don't let your partner stop you from having the relationship you want with your children.

LBOCS2 · 26/01/2023 14:47

My DF and I have been going to see music together since I was 15, it's one of the bonds we have and I love that we have this shared interest. I'm now in my late 30s, he's approaching 70 and DSis and I were trying to persuade him to come to a rock festival with us at dinner last night 😁 He said no - mainly because he didn't fancy any of the bands, rather than because it was a festival!

Your partner is an idiot. You're doing a lovely thing with your daughter.

And no, not sure why you being on holiday with her is any different to, you know, parenting her in her own house? Can dads not parent their daughters once they reach 16? Such a weird attitude.

Kennykenkencat · 26/01/2023 15:01

Only weird thing is your partner’s views going out with teen or adult children.

If she thinks going to a Billy Eilish concert with your 16 year old Dd is weird, would she think that adult teen Ds and 60+ year old me going to the football or nights out watching Monster trucks is off the charts.

Does she never go on holiday or anywhere with her own dc? Are they kept at arms length by her?

More than likely she is jealous of you spending anytime with your children when she isn’t there.

Original poster
RedLines · 26/01/2023 15:19

DanglyThings · 26/01/2023 13:06

No! It is not weird! You are not weird! You are a lovely dad and it sounds like you and your daughter have a great relationship. Hold onto that forever.

Has your new partner (who IS weird) commented on anything else you've found strange @RedLines ???

Thanks for all the replies.

A couple of other things that seemed unreasonable....
1.) Took my daughter to a Vietnamese restaurant the other evening, (because it was late and I couldn't be bothered to cook), my partner thought that this was strange..that I should have been going with her and not my daughter

2.) Took my daughter to cornwall for a couple of days, literally a couple of days! Down on a Wed after work, stayed over-night with my sister, went back the following day after work. She was really annoyed I hadn't asked her about this and only told her on the Wednesday what I was doing.

I am not used to having to ask permission to spend time with my children or my family. My relationship with my children is very solid and is not negatiable.

OP posts:
BarrelOfOtters · 26/01/2023 15:25

She's insecure of your relationship with your daughter and doesn't think you are spending enough time with her as your girlfriend. If she's old enough to have kids of her own that's weird....

on the other hand, in a relationship when you have kids and they do or don't have kids - you do have to negotiate time together and probably, especially at first, find you are spending a bit of time trying to keep everyone happy and don't have much time just you, on your own...

But she (your girlfriend) should get that....

Probably not the one for you...

Itsnotalternateuniverses · 26/01/2023 15:30

I used to go to concerts with my dad. I'd give anything to have that time back. Ignore your partner. She's an immature idiot. Do you want to be with someone who frames your relationship with your child in such an odd way?

readingbluecat32 · 26/01/2023 15:30

Oh I love that you have this kind of relationship with your daughter!
I am 35 and still go on holiday with my dad - last one pre covid where we did a road trip round Italian, we just stayed in studio apartments with separate beds - I don’t think this is weird and hope that we will always do our little trips away around Europe! Sadly my dad is old school - so the concerts we go too are not as cool as billie Eilish - but we go to theatre, opera etc together a lot and I love it!
please don’t ever change! I now have a son and daughter and can’t wait to do these things when they are older!

Heyheyitsanotherday · 26/01/2023 15:35

You sound like a lovely dad who has a great relationship with his daughter. I wish my dad had been like this. And pray my husband has the same relationship with our children as the grow up.
please get rid of your partner before she poisons the situation and turns toxic. She already sounds toxic!!

Maighnuad · 26/01/2023 15:43

Oh My - do you want me to tie your nike's so you don't trip running out the door.
I am a single parent and my partner who has 15 and 18 yr old DD's to cinema's / dinner/coffee etc alone.
The relationship you have with your daughter is 'normal' and long may it continue and flourish.
On your marks, get set , and dump!!!!

JazzHandsYeah · 26/01/2023 15:47

RedLines · 26/01/2023 15:19

Thanks for all the replies.

A couple of other things that seemed unreasonable....
1.) Took my daughter to a Vietnamese restaurant the other evening, (because it was late and I couldn't be bothered to cook), my partner thought that this was strange..that I should have been going with her and not my daughter

2.) Took my daughter to cornwall for a couple of days, literally a couple of days! Down on a Wed after work, stayed over-night with my sister, went back the following day after work. She was really annoyed I hadn't asked her about this and only told her on the Wednesday what I was doing.

I am not used to having to ask permission to spend time with my children or my family. My relationship with my children is very solid and is not negatiable.

Show quote history

Expecting you to ask permission to go away or throwing a wobbly because you took your daughter for dinner are huge red flags.

‘Solid and non-negotiable’, is spot on and what you need to tell her. Have you talked to her about this?

Tiani4 · 26/01/2023 15:53

Neither are weird

One of my closest male friends (I'm close to his wife as well) has been taking his eldest DD to gigs and concerts since she was 13. She's 21 now, they love going together. She's very independent too and doesn't live at home, so could (& dies often) go with friends but she enjoys sharing music tastes with her Dad. He had tolerated some of her more teenagy bop phases well too!

Also as a Dad how is your DD supposed to go on holiday at age 16? Chuck some money at her and tell her to taxi to the airport or train down to Cornwall and book accomodation on her own? 😱
Does your partner really think it's only mums that get family holidays with their children???I'm 51 and still sometimes go on holiday with my parents (granted with my teens too..)

Of course you can take your DD out to dinner. I take my adult DS out and have taken my teen DDs out separately for lunch or dinner, it's great when the others are busy or at parties, my youngest asks as soon as we know the others will be out Grin

It's your partner who's weird and it certainly seems like she's trying to interfere with your father daughter
relationship.

Plenty of adult children take out their father or mother for a meal, or vica versa

Glad you've stood firm and told her to butt out (but more politely).

Tiani4 · 26/01/2023 16:00

I am not used to having to ask permission to spend time with my children or my family. My relationship with my children is very solid and is not negatiable

Absolutely spot on

It's none of your partners business nor do you have to ask her permission to spend time with your DD

Definitely sounds like she was trying to muscle in on your Cornwall holiday break. But it was probably nice for DD to have her Dad to herself to properly catch up and visit places you like together.
One of my DDs favourite memories is when we got in the car and drive to a city near lovely beaches and stayed in a 4* hotel with pool and jacuzzi etc and went to theatre, meals out and sight seeing together. Just us two. She even applied to that city uni because of those happy memories!

FairyLightAddict · 26/01/2023 16:01

Your partner is weird and controlling 🤷‍♀️

Your relationship with your daughter sounds fun and lovely.

BowiesJumper · 26/01/2023 16:05

She sounds very insecure and it’s very odd that she’s equating a romantic relationship with one between a parent and child. She sees your daughter as a rival which is wildly unhealthy.

Boleynforsoup · 26/01/2023 16:28

In light of the updates, I'd go as far as to say run for the bloody hills from that woman! She's jealous and insecure about your relationship with your daughter ffs.

She will only get worse and try her best to drive a wedge between you and your children.

Caspersdad · 26/01/2023 16:30

You need to get rid ! She will try to create pressure between you and your daughter as it is pure jealousy.
My daughter is 25 now and as her mother says we are two peas in a pod as we are very close. We do concert's and holidays together as we love the same things. Truly enjoy that time together as it is special and never let anyone come between you.
You already know what to do as you've questioned your partners motives and as others have said everybody on this thread is in agreement.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 26/01/2023 16:30

All absolutely normal things to do with your daughter.

Your partners sounds jealous of your relationship with your daughter, not sure I'd be keeping her around

Bayleaf25 · 26/01/2023 16:31

Not weird at all and lovely that you take time to do these things with her. Hopefully you’ll have a lovely relationship as she gets older because of the time you put in.

zingally · 26/01/2023 16:35

Of course it's not weird. I loved doing 1-1 things with my dad growing up! I fondly remember him parked up outside while I went to Boyzone concerts!

BabyTa · 26/01/2023 16:38

These are all normal things, so it seems odd anyone would think these are weird so it suggests something else is going on.

What isn't normal is the third comment you have made about other things you do, and it appears from this that you don't seem to be communicating very well with your partner, or including them in your plans at all? If she is meant to be your partner, why aren't you sharing plans like not being available for half a week with her? Does she feel left out and is reacting unreasonably as a result?

Or do you just not like them that much and maybe the relationship has run it's course?