To give my 7months old 'tough love'?

[wednesdayjones]

I feel like I'm a breaking point some day with my 7 months old. He is SO clingy, he's attached to me all day. I cannot go for the toilet without him (sometimes have to hold him as I do my business otherwise he'll scream even if I sit him next to me), I can't push a wash on as I have to hold him so I only ever have one arm free (unless he's napping).

Days are long and I just cannot see the end. We have to go for lunch with friends today and I'm dreading it so much - I know I won't be able to eat as I have to hold him. He doesn't even want my husband anymore.
DH has taken on all housework inc. cooking and cleaning. I'm struggling with just having to hold the baby ALL day, and I have to constantly MOVE because he gets bored after a minute and whinges. So I walk walk walk around the rooms, the garden - all day.

Husband said I have to just let him cry and stop him completely controlling me. I disagreed at first but today I put the bub down for a nap and of course he was crying, demanding I come in and rock him etc. I've just turned off the sound on the baby monitor and gone to the spare room and sat here crying. I have nothing left in me.

I get invited to mum catch-ups but they all have lunch in a cafe and mine just wouldn't sit in the pram and I'd have to hold him so I wouldn't even be able to have a coffee.

I feel like I've reached a point whether the baby breaks me or I break up his habits of being attached to me. Do I just let him scream next to me as I do some chores? I'd love to do chores as at least it helps to pass the day, but at the moment I just hold the baby 7am-7pm.

I am aware of separation anxiety so do I just wait for this to pass?

I'm also slightly 🤨 at posters suggesting a 7 month old is starving because he isn't eating 3 meals a day. OP has even said he has always been like this. The age to START weaning is 6 months, are people really suggesting babies should go from no solids to 3 meals a day in 4 weeks?

My boy is 7 months and definitely not eating 3 meals a day. I put food in front of him 3 times a day ish but the vast majority isn't eaten.

Agree it's not a concern if baby isn't quite ready for three meals a day yet. I started weaning at 6 months and DS wasn't eating enough to call one meal until 8 months. I could hardly put him down until he started crawling at 5 months, long before he was eating. He did not have substantial floor time before he crawled either, then build up strength from being carried, constantly balancing as you move.

No WAY was my DD eating 3 meals a day at 7 months! Currently watching her as a toddler, tucking into corn on the cob...she's fine 🙊

My 98th centile 11mo barely has 3 meals a day. At 7mo he barely ate anything. Completely normal. Food is fun til 1.

@ittakes2 hey! Would it be possible to send me across the information about the infant reflexes please? This sounds really interesting and possibly what my son could be going through?

Haven’t rtft but has anyone mentioned silent reflux? Definitely worth looking into. There used to be an amazing thread on here about it.

He sounds very much like my youngest who is now 6. I had another child though so she did get put down and ignored. She still cried and whinged. I got a really good baby sling a Tula one and wore her on my back which was comfortable for long periods. She was a big baby too over 10lb at birth and carried on her percentile until she was over 1.
Now I’m 90% sure she has ADHD. She’s also still a very moany child. Only now uses words to moan about anything and everything.
I would 100% be putting him down and ignoring him for periods. Even wearing noise cancelling headphones so you can get things done. Not for hours obviously but 15 mins here and there absolutely. Also leave him with other people as much as you can. Husband. Grandparents. Nursery. Get him away from you for your own well-being and his. He needs to learn. And you won’t emotionally damage him at all.

Try a vibrating chair - my clingy DS loved it. It also had an activity bar on it. Mine got overtired and time in the chair calmed him and he sometimes napped too.

Put cheaper chairs or playpens in the two or three rooms you use most, then he can be there safe with you but not holding on to you constantly. When you do interact, try something like encouraging him to crawl/roll. Put him a metre or so from you and encourage him with exaggerated expressions and major praise for moving towards you. That way he’ll gradually look forward to being put down because it will be fun. Singing and talking as you do chores helps too.

I think he’s maybe hungry too. Old-fashioned and has sugar in but have you tried a rusk. Stops them crying as they slobber over the rusk and suck on it. When you feed him, again do the exaggerated expressions when he eats something - big smile, exaggerated “Goooooooood boy!”. When he’s had enough, try one more spoonful but just touching to his lips and immediately remove if he doesn’t want it. You mustn’t put him off food/meal times.

You sound understandably stressed. The trouble is that babies pick up on that and it makes them more clingy. So fake it till you make it - keep cheery, drop him down with you as you do chores, take him out dealing with any whinges in a cheery way. It is hard but soon he’ll be more mobile and will be busy exploring away from you. Encourage this and he’ll be confident to move away from you.

So unpopular opinion alert here but I honestly think some of the parenting advice given to mums nowadays has made our lives so much harder...

I have an 8 month old baby and if I took the most recent advice for new mums I would have had her attached to me day and night as that's what is now encouraged... and I feel like it is making motherhood for most absolutely miserable as babies don't know how to self soothe or get used to constantly being nursed/ picked up etc. as it is 'better for them' despite driving mothers to the brink of insanity.

My 8 month old is rarely clingy (although I'm sure there will be times she will be) but I don't have her stuck to me 24/7, I encourage her to play independently with me nearby and also if she cries I usually wait to see if she self soothes before I intervene, she is a very happy and content baby.

We are living in a society nowadays where we are made to feel guilty if we don't have our babies constantly attached to us and yet more than ever, I see mums struggling with how demanding their babies are and jeopardising their mental health!

Ultimately it depends how you feel, personally for me, I let my baby cry a little before jumping in to try soothe her. I can handle hearing her cry a bit, but some mums can't.

I completely empathise with you OP!
We have 3 DC, first two are boys and were both very independent, needed minimal interaction, happy to go off and play. Third is a girl, 10m old, and my god is she a clingy one!! We just had to get through the separation anxiety phase best we could, which it sounds like your DS is currently going through, it does pass. Outside of that, things that work for us is my DH works from home so he often takes her for a while so I can have a break and get some stuff done around the house. I also move between the playroom and bedrooms for a change of scene and different toys to play with. If I’m sorting out washing I do it on the floor in a bedroom so DD can still cling onto me if she wants to, but will then move off to play with toys. Going for a walk is a nice way to get out of the house, DD is very chilled out in the pram, so this works well for us. I basically have spent a lot of time on the floor with her, so she has access to me but also toys to go off and play with. She was an early crawler, and is already walking, so at each stage it has gotten easier as she gets more independent.
For the weaning just keep trying stuff until you find something he likes. All 3 DC have loved baby porridge (banana flavour), and this was our breakthrough to get them eating. Not sure if you’re in the UK, but you can get Kiddilicious wafers, which were a good first finger food. Kids yoghurts, or Ella’s kitchen baby brekkie pouches were also a hit. You’ve just got to get them into it, then you can start introducing other foods again, vegetables, pasta, meat etc.

Oh, I do feel for you OP. I think it's probably not a bad thing that you are aware this could be early signs of neurodiversity. Of course, it is far too early to tell and at this point, it could be anything but it's something that's worth having in the back of your mind.

You have to get a break from this, there is no way this is not damaging your mental and probably physical health. Anything you can do - screens, baby walker, dummy, leaving him with his Dad (or another trusted adult) - that gives you a break is fair game at this point. Making sure he is fed, clean, and safe and then walking away for 5 minutes is better than having a breakdown.

Is he happy in a moving pram? Going for a walk every day can be a bit of a sanity saver. Even better if you can meet someone and walk together for a moan chat.

Re the food, don't push it, just keep offering it to him to help himself. Talk to the HV about it. In hindsight, it was one of the early signs of difficulties with one of mine, who was later diagnosed autistic. Don't feel pressured into forcing him to eat because it won't end well.

agree get a sling

I feel you, I feel you so bad. We’re going through this with our 8mo at the moment along with sleep regression and I’m at breaking point. I’ve got some sort of infection too with side effects from the antibiotics so I feel like utter arse and just need to sit down or I feel worse but obviously an 8mo doesn’t understand that. The only break we have is when he finally stops screaming at bedtime. He used to go to sleep so easily and happily on his own but now he screams form the second we try bedtime, naps he won’t do unless sleeping on one of us which restricts everything. I feel utterly useless and a shit mother because I can’t even unload the dishwasher without him screaming and I mean screaming at me. He’s a busy baby anyway so constantly wants to be doing something then gets bored easily but this is beyond. I cried last night trying to get him to sleep, luckily my partner came in at that point and tapped me out but several times today I’ve cried. It will get better we just have to survive this stage.

Your baby needs to be close to you atm. This will pass as the baby gets older and more independent. For now you need a baby carrier so you can wear your baby and have both hands free to go about your day. The best one is the omni baby 360. It won't last forever but for now all your baby wants is to be close to his mum...

A sling doesn't have to be 9 hours a day! I used to use one for 20 mins at a time while I chopped veg or did other little jobs or just wanted my hands free. I used mine up to my DC being 2 years old.

Sending some ❤️ your way, it’s a really hard time. It might be easier to just know you’re not alone, and it’s very normal, albeit frustrating. Our 3 year old was like this until around age 2, or maybe closer to 3. I literally could not pee without her banging the door down complaining how unfair it is that mum locked the door, even though dad was there 😂. I still can’t take a bath without her running in and trying to join. Nowhere in my house is safe, that’s just life with kids 🤷‍♀️. She just would not play alone, until recently. now, she’s finally started 10-15 mins of doing her own thing, and it is truly amazing. It will come, encourage solo time, and don’t be afraid to put some mindless baby bum or wiggles on Netflix on an iPad for 15 mins when you just need a break, do what you need for a mental break. Good luck mama.

And I totally agree with others here, food is for fun not calories until around 1. Lentil soup, an instss add to or curry or whatever you can get down them is what to go with. All kids develop at different stages. Our doctor said our child should have 10 real words by 1. I felt so much pressure and said she did, which she did not. By 3 she is at/above where is normal, but the pressure that your child is behind can be so overwhelming at the time.just monitor and see where it goes x

Ahh typos… “an instant pot curry” not my gibberish 😂

While I know you're being well-meaning, I don't think this type of comments helps. She's clearly at breaking point and can't continue with the current situation,

There is no way I would have carried a heavy baby in a sling all day. There comes a time when it's time to put our needs as parents first rather than grind ourselves into being complete wrecks. That's not subjecting the baby to lifetime emotional trauma, it's about being in a fit state to parent.

*lifelong

I think it’s also important to remember we all parent different and have different limits.
There is absolutely no way I could cope with a 7month old who screams for me all day. Just because some moms feel ok to pop on a sling and adjust their lives in that way, doesn’t mean others can.
OP if you leave the baby for 7-10mins while you tidy socks, there is going to be NO emotional trauma, I guarantee it!

Mine wasn't particularly into food at 6 months, and never liked the plain purees and mashed veg. He started getting into it when I gave him a bit of soup with normal ingredients (I just didn't add salt but the ingredients were flavourful, veg + garlic, ginger and things). He's now 3 and still much prefers "adult" type flavours rather than plain food. Won't eat a banana but would finish a plateful of olives or pickles. Just keep offering tastes and textures and don't worry if they don't want it the first time, or if they think hummus is a hair product rather than something for the mouth :) Eventually they get into it.

Do you think he might be in pain at all? A friend's second child was also unbelievably clingy. She only wanted her, wouldn't go to her father or anyone else. When she was 8 they realise that she had some kind of ear problem and needed grommets. The grommets were fitted and she was a different child. For some reason the ear problem also made it difficult for her to eat properly. They realized that she had been hungry and in pain her whole life and that was why she was such hard work and so clingy.

In fact, the evidence shows the exact opposite - that infant security and attachment is better after sleep training.

Care to back that up with some evidence please? 😁

He’s 7 months old, how is he supposed to “follow OP around”?! This thread is nuts.