To give my 7months old 'tough love'?

[wednesdayjones]

I feel like I'm a breaking point some day with my 7 months old. He is SO clingy, he's attached to me all day. I cannot go for the toilet without him (sometimes have to hold him as I do my business otherwise he'll scream even if I sit him next to me), I can't push a wash on as I have to hold him so I only ever have one arm free (unless he's napping).

Days are long and I just cannot see the end. We have to go for lunch with friends today and I'm dreading it so much - I know I won't be able to eat as I have to hold him. He doesn't even want my husband anymore.
DH has taken on all housework inc. cooking and cleaning. I'm struggling with just having to hold the baby ALL day, and I have to constantly MOVE because he gets bored after a minute and whinges. So I walk walk walk around the rooms, the garden - all day.

Husband said I have to just let him cry and stop him completely controlling me. I disagreed at first but today I put the bub down for a nap and of course he was crying, demanding I come in and rock him etc. I've just turned off the sound on the baby monitor and gone to the spare room and sat here crying. I have nothing left in me.

I get invited to mum catch-ups but they all have lunch in a cafe and mine just wouldn't sit in the pram and I'd have to hold him so I wouldn't even be able to have a coffee.

I feel like I've reached a point whether the baby breaks me or I break up his habits of being attached to me. Do I just let him scream next to me as I do some chores? I'd love to do chores as at least it helps to pass the day, but at the moment I just hold the baby 7am-7pm.

I am aware of separation anxiety so do I just wait for this to pass?

One of you says he'll become iron deficient without eating enough food at 7 months, the other he gets the bulk of his calories from milk? I thought it was the latter tbh

PP is correct that iron stores start to deplete. In Scotland children get healthy start vitamin drops which are vitamin D, C and iron. I'm not sure about the rest of the UK.

But it is also true that at 7 months the bulk of his calories are coming from milk. These two things aren't mutually exclusive.

I also EBF so I don't know if formula is fortified with iron. I give healthy start vitamins to cover all bases.

Yes exactly, formula is fortified with iron but I don't think it meets requirements on its own.

That's why I said speak to the health visitor, I am not an expert, but it would be good to talk to someone who is because iron deficiency can certainly be an issue.

They might say it's totally fine.

You read some absolute rubbish on this website. It’s no wonder so many kids are so messed up when their parents are relying on the internet to learn such basic things and being given such dangerous advice.

OP, please ignore anyone who tells you that you don’t need to feed your baby and that he will eat when he is ready. Yes, milk will still make up the bulk of his diet, but at 7 months old, he also needs food. You need to persevere with it because it’s not on telling yourself that it’s too hard to get him to eat and giving up. Give him a toy to distract him, something he can hold in his hand, and spoon feed some food into him.

Can’t you ask your mum for advice, or any older relative? If not, I would seriously consider looking for a nanny, even on a temporary basis. You need someone to show you what to do with a baby by the sound of it.

OP, please ignore anyone who tells you that you don’t need to feed your baby and that he will eat when he is ready. Yes, milk will still make up the bulk of his diet, but at 7 months old, he also needs food. You need to persevere with it because it’s not on telling yourself that it’s too hard to get him to eat and giving up. Give him a toy to distract him, something he can hold in his hand, and spoon feed some food into him.

Who is saying she doesn't need to feed her baby? Myself and other PP have already said they should all be eating together 3 times a day. It is recommended to start weaning at 6 months. He's only a month into weaning. It can take a good few months before anything much actually hits their bellies while they're exploring food. What they take in is a tiny amount at this age.

Mine spent his first month merrily playing with all manner of food but it took him a few months too learn how to handle and mouth it well enough that he was getting much in. Most of it ends up in their hair and on the floor. That's normal. There's not a thing wrong with his eating now and I've never once had to distract him and sneak food into his mouth. I'll add that the OP has already said her son gets upset and clamps his mouth shut when she tries this. A pointless exercise for everyone.

OP relax with the food. Otherwise you'll freak your son out and he'll distrust you. Food should not be upsetting. Let him explore. He will eat some of it and over time he'll eat more. He needs time to practice.

Sister said that he'll get used to eating, that's it. Friends don't really have advice, well they're not experts and their babies ate, so what can they say?

I googled broth for babies and it said it was fine (mine is low sodium). So I gave it to him he drank quite a bit then refused milk! Ffs. Only then I've read the article @boogiebabies posted and makes sense not to feed them from the bottle 🤦‍♀️ Just as I got happy he is getting some non milk nutrients.
He's in formula stage 2 which has more iron but u do wonder if he needs proper food now.

Problem is I genuinely don't have time to read baby weaning books.
I'm seeing a health visitor next Tuesday but she haven't actually given me any solution before.

Hey OP
are you in the UK?
If you are I recommend calling Henry, it’s free and they will advise about weaning, they are really helpful!
www.henry.org.uk
You say your baby is 9kg, he needs to start eating food.
Have you got a seat with a tray or a highchair? What does he do when you put him in there? Is it safe or does he start thrashing?
I think there is an element that baby needs to learn you cant come running every time he makes a noise, especially if he is going into childcare- that’s really not fair on the staff, and the other children there.

OP, ours was quite fussy with food in the first month. Had zero interest. So we moved around the feeding time, to leave enough of a gap between milk and food. We hoped this would help ensure she had an appetite. It did seem to help as did us sitting and eating with her so she could see us and copy. I'd eat 3 spoonfuls and then offer her one.

There's absolutely zero scientific evidence for this by the way.

In fact, the evidence shows the exact opposite - that infant security and attachment is better after sleep training.

So you can happily ignore this type of comment OP.

With the food, another idea is just to let him sit on your lap when you're eating and grab bits of things that you are having.

I've known of babies that were not at all interested in bland baby type food, but gobbled up flavourful stuff like curries etc.

You sound at the end of your tether and I can understand why.

Ignore the guilt tripping about abandonment issues. Put him down and let him cry. Your sanity is important and you can't keep going on like this.

My son was terrible at going to sleep (and cried a lot in the day too) and my health visitor told me to leave him to cry, although going in occasionally. It really hasn't given him some lifelong scar.

It's great we're trying to be good parents but I think we've become too child centric at times. You deserve to feel happy, not desperate and wondering how to get through the day.

I also think two mornings a week at nursery might be the key. Mine came back and slept so I'd almost get a whole day.

It will be good for him and hopefully get him used to being with other adults.

I know they’re disapproved of but what about a baby walker. My first was like that and when she realised she could follow me round in it she settled. No long term effects from and she no longer needs me by her side.

OP. My son is still the same at 21 months old. If not worse. In my case, it hasn't got better. My daughter was the same until 2.5, so I'm seeing if my son follows the same path.

If I was you, I'd start showing some tough love, everyone else around me has done, and they can cook, clean and have a normal life.

Do you breastfeed by any chance?

"Although many baby sleep trainers claim there is no evidence of harm from practices such as controlled crying, it is worth noting that there is a vast difference between "no evidence of harm" and "evidence of no harm". "

www.naturalchild.org/articles/guest/pinky_mckay.html

And the following quote which may be relevant for the OP

"Controlled crying and other similar regimes may indeed work to produce a self-soothing, solitary sleeping infant. However, the trade-off could be an anxious, clingy or hyper-vigilant child or even worse, a child whose trust is broken."

Blu, that is a theory, but it's not supported by the evidence. Emily zoster, Cribsheet, has done a detailed review of the available studies:

One representative study from Sweden, published in 2004, took ninety-five families and randomized them into a sleep-training regime involving a form of “cry it out.”8

The authors focused on whether behavior during the day was impacted by the nighttime—basically, they asked whether the infants were less attached to their parents during the day as a result of being left to cry during the night.

This particular study found that, in fact, infant security and attachment seemed to increase after the “cry it out” intervention. It also found improvements in daytime behavior and eating as reported by the babies’ parents. Note that this is the opposite of the concerns raised about “cry it out” methods.

This study is not alone. A 2006 review of sleep-training studies, which included thirteen different interventions, noted the following: “Adverse secondary effects as the result of participating in behaviorally based sleep programs were not identified in any of the studies. On the contrary, infants who participated in sleep interventions were found to be more secure, predictable, less irritable, and to cry and fuss less following treatment.”9

This study was run in Australia, with 328 families recruited when their babies were eight months old. The authors first showed that the intervention improved sleep and lowered parental depression.11

But they didn’t stop there. They returned to evaluate the children a year later and, most notable, five years later, when the children were almost six. In this later follow‑up, which included a subset of the original families, the researchers found no difference in any outcomes, including emotional stability and conduct behavior, stress, parent-child closeness, conflict, parent-child attachment, or attachment in general. Basically, the kids who were sleep trained looked exactly like those who were not.12

So, yes, there is evidence of both positive impacts of sleep training in the short term for both babies and parents, and evidence of no harm to children in the long term.

Oh dear, OP. Try not to stress ovrr this too much

(My siblings and I were tucked into a pram and put out in the garden to sleep, morning and afternoon, while our mother got on with housework. We all grew up healthy and as well-adjusted as most people.)

HV here. Baby should still be on first stage infant formula, especially as he is not eating much solid food. The first stage formula has all the calories he needs, whereas the second stage does not. They can stay on 1st stage until 12 months, then they can go onto cows milk.

It’s your opinion and neither kind or unkind but you can’t seriously suggest a 7 month old weighing 9 kg is starving. He is not crying because he is starving; he’s crying because being carried all the time is his normal. OP just needs to pop him down for short periods when she needs do stuff and that will become his new normal. He might become less clingy once he can crawl or cruise. I also had a baby walker (not recommended these days) which stopped DS from getting bored before he was able to cruise. FWIW, DS barely ate any solid food till past a year (unfortunately BLW wasn’t really a thing in those days) and he wasn’t starving either.

Ever heard of empathy? You're right, I think your tone is unacceptable and I have reported you.

You don't know anything. To presume baby is starving is incredibly stupid.

I'm a bit confused at the shock that the baby isn't barely eating solids at 7 months and that he must be starving- the advice now is to only start weaning at 6 months, and it generally takes the baby a little to while to properly get used to it. I also have a 7 month old who is similar OP- he has only really tasted and nibbled things so far and (following the advice of a weaning course) only has one meal a day of fruit and vegetables, though we are planning on upping that to 2 meals this week as well as introducing a wider range of foods. By 8 months he should be on 3 meals a day I think but not quite yet. I hope we haven't got this badly wrong, though my baby is still gaining weight and showing no signs that he is starving

I really sympathise with you OP, and the main thing that has saved me is to get out and about to baby groups, etc, where you can. We go to one 4 days a week and it really breaks the day up and gives the baby some stimulation. I also agree with those who advise bringing the baby into the same room as you while you do things and give them something to play with, and the baby will hopefully get more used to this over time. I must admit that I do find it surprising that you've used cry it out at night but can't let him cry for a few minutes during the day though- I'm the other way around and can't bear to sleep train yet even though his wake ups are in double figures per night at the moment, so we may need to do something soon!