AIBU not to explain why a 7yr old can't go in the gents?

[FlyingPi]

I'm sure this has been discussed before. When we're out and my boy needs the toilet, I make him come into the Ladies with me. Problem is, he's starting to complain about it and wants to go in the Gents on his own. I have let him do this in one particular place where there's never anyone about, so I knew he wouldn't encounter anyone at the urinals. I'm always honest with him but I don't quite know how to explain why I'm not letting him do this anywhere else, like at the swimming pool/gym toilets.
He knows about the Pants rules and personal space and consent but I don't exactly want to spell out what I'm worried about. What do you tell your kids?

No women aren't allowed to have concerns about men using their space. Their role is to validate men and keep them safe.
And these are the youngest ones of all, in training, by their mothers, to believe that this is acceptable.

i don’t want to take that risk I’m afraid. In the same way that I still help my kids cross the road and monitor their screen activities so they’re not talking to pervs in chat rooms. I’m going to make sure they use toilets in places where I think it’s safe OR I’m going to take them in to the ladies with me.

Thats parenting. Making judgement calls every day to keep your kids safe.

The state of this comment. A 7 year old boy isn't a man. A 7 year old is a child who should also be protected from predatory MEN. If you had a young son you'd get it.

What a disgusting post.

You have decided to conflate the current fight against the TRAs with young children accessing toilets alongside their mothers. These are small, vulnerable children NOT predatory males in training. If you choose to view the world that way that’s on YOU.

I’m so fucking incensed by that comment I’m going to report it.

Because they're utter dicks who don't see young boys as children who also need protection.

But they are only girls so it doesn't matter.

There is a good reason why 7-ish is a common cut off where boys and girls separate for the loo, changing rooms etc. Our job as mothers is not to reinforce the entitlement of boys to take whatever space they choose or to exercise our own entitlement to excessive protectionism but to teach them how to behave and use the correct space and when to call for help.

So as PPs have described - teach them what is appropriate and what isn't, wait outside the door, make sure that they get plenty of experience using the mens loos with their fathers/uncles/brothers etc before they need to go alone. Teach them to respect the spaces assigned for girls and disabled users.

Any child without specific needs should be able to manage this if we have done our job as parents.

@daemonologie 12 is just too old to bring into the ladies. You are doing him no favours, You’re probably causing him unnecessary anxiety and embarrassment. You’d be better off teaching him some life skills.

If you are a grown woman afraid of a 7 year old boy then you need to get a grip of yourself. Pathetic.

Ffs. Of course you are. Rather than actually take it on board. There are people here who are taking their 12 year old boys into the women's toilets. 12 years old. I'm not talking about 7 year olds. But I am talking about those mothers who never let go. Am I talking about you? Depends if you're still dragging your boy into the women's toilet at age 12.

Well done on completely missing the point of the post.

No one is talking about 12 year olds boys. We are discussing 7 year old children. You should report your own post and ask it to be taken down.

If you are a grown woman who think that boys should remain indefinitely in the women's toilets because 'men' then you need to get a grip of yourself. Pathetic.

No point missed at all. If you can't cope with a 7 year old in a closed cubicle next to you, accompanied by a female parent, you're ridiculous.

No.

And 12 year old boys have been discussed here.

Rtft.

Eh? Why should she have it removed? What exactly offends you on that post?

Totally missed. Straight over your head. Along with toilet etiquette and what is and isn't appropriate.

Where did I say "indefinitely?" You've literally just made that up.

7 years old, no issue. 12 years old, issue. My DS is 14 and I certainly would not allow him in the ladies.

Obviously there's some small risk of harm, which can be managed by standing outside and teaching him to yell of anything happens, but the "risk" of him seeing a man using the urinals? Why do you need to protect him from that?

A 7 year old in a toilet with a parent is entirely appropriate.

What about a six-year-old girl who is nervous about using the toilets with a seven-year-old boy? Or an eight- or nine-year-old boy?

What is your position regarding her thoughts and feelings?

Yeah. An 8 year old, time to let go. A 12 year old. No.

Stop engaging with me. You clearly don't understand the point and you're just derailing the thread.

We don’t get our genitalia out in front of others.

I go to football matches every other week. I'M in Germany and the stadium is surrounded by fields and farmland and lots of trees in the parking lot etc. It is traditional here (as it is in England too, i think) to drink beer on the train/bus etc on the way to the match. As a result walking down the path from the car park to the stadium (big car park on left, fields and bushes/trees on the right) there is a constant stream (ha) of men running to the side to pee on the fence/trees/bushes.

I have been doing this for years and haven't seen a penis yet (not that i go over and lean over to shout "look, Doris, it's like a penis but smaller!" which is what I'd like to do, there's a toilet block outside the stadium)

However, it is understandable that there is a time in a boy's life when they make the transition from going in the ladies with their mum to using the men's and i get that it is concerning for people when it is their son. I don't have any answers, unfortunately.

But i have had incidents in ladies toilets where boys of 7 or 8 were waiting outside the cubicles while their mum's used them where they have tried to look under doors, climb over doors, and thrown handtowels around. That's also not acceptable.

If a 6 year old is nervous about using a toilet with a 7 year old boy I'd be wondering why the parents had pushed unreasonable anxiety on them.

Yes, that's what I said. The original post was about a 7 year old. I do not think a 13 year old should be in the ladies.