AIBU not to explain why a 7yr old can't go in the gents?

[FlyingPi]

I'm sure this has been discussed before. When we're out and my boy needs the toilet, I make him come into the Ladies with me. Problem is, he's starting to complain about it and wants to go in the Gents on his own. I have let him do this in one particular place where there's never anyone about, so I knew he wouldn't encounter anyone at the urinals. I'm always honest with him but I don't quite know how to explain why I'm not letting him do this anywhere else, like at the swimming pool/gym toilets.
He knows about the Pants rules and personal space and consent but I don't exactly want to spell out what I'm worried about. What do you tell your kids?

You are pathetic. What about the safety of a 7 year old boy? My ds has only just started going in gents toilets alone this past year. My job as his mum is to keep him safe. There is literally no critical thinking anymore. People are viewing small boys and disabled men with female carers as predators who are invading their space. Where is your common sense? What threat are these people to you?

Women demonising 7year old boys and saying what they will or won't turn into because at the age of 7 they accompanied their mother into the ladies toilets where everyone is using a cubicle are ridiculous.

Why on earth would a six year old girl be so very conscious of a 7 year old boy accompanied by his mother? My DD had her periods very early as did I. Neither of us would have taken a second glance at a 7 year old male child using the toilets. He's not in our bloody cubicle with us.

If a 6 year old is nervous about using a toilet with a 7 year old boy I'd be wondering why the parents had pushed unreasonable anxiety on them.

it is perfectly reasonable to teach a 6 year old girl that a ladies toilet is a space for girls and ladies. Their anxiety is not the issue. They shouldn't have to be confronted by a boy if they don't want to be.
So how do we make that possible? 3rd space toilets may be an answer, so as well as preserving one toilet for each sex, there would be a third space, which would also help the single mum of a growing boy not to worry so much?

When i was at junior school (in the middle ages) the boys often barged into the girls' toilet,threw toilet roll around, or on one occasion firecrackers. i wouldn't have wanted to encounter any of those in the M&S toilets either.

And the lack of reading comprehension continues. With a few personal attacks thrown in. Which I won't bother to report.

When boys get to the age they no longer want to go into the ladies, then they are too old. Some mums are setting up their boys for ridicule by their peers.

And third space often ends up being the disabled toilets. So disabled people have issues instead. But nobody cares about them anyway.

Yes, but the boys at your school didn't have their parents around. A boy going into the public loo with his mum is not going to be doing any of that.

A third, gender neutral toilet would be a good idea.

Probably due to the fact that going to the men's alone is too risky at a young age but if they take them to the ladies the batshits are out in force, bleating on about their privacy being invaded by a 7 year old CHILD, despite being in a locked bloody cubicle. It's not right to use the disabled toilet but it's not hard to see why some parents do.

Why do you think it is acceptable to be so rude to a child?

It is perfectly reasonable for girls to be taught that the ladies toilets is a safe space for women girls and young boys accompanied by their mothers.

The state of this comment. A 7 year old boy isn't a man. A 7 year old is a child who should also be protected from predatory MEN. If you had a young son you'd get it.

I do have a young son. Who I am teaching to become an independent and respectful adult.

My son is seven and starting to insist on using the gents. Not only do I worry about his safety but he still has a habit of getting himself locked in cubicles, or not being able to open the heavy outer doors. Its a tricky age with boys. I'm a single mum too so often on my own with him. I just make a judgement call each time depending on the location. I hate it though when he actually does go in the gents by himself and I stand outside panicking the whole time and analysing the look of every man that enters after him 😂

Yes, but the boys at your school didn't have their parents around. A boy going into the public loo with his mum is not going to be doing any of that

but i wouldn't have wanted to see them. And IME they don't go in the cubicles with their mum's there isn't room. They hang around by the sinks. And generally they are quiet, often looking after a bag of shopping. But some are little fuckers looking under doors, etc, and if a young girl walked in and saw that she would be rightly nervous. Especially in Mumsnetland where actually telling those boys, sharply, to pack it in, would be frowned on as "nobody is allowed to tell my kids off except me".

I'm going to start advocating for 3rd spaces for this reason though. Parents out and about with a child of the opposite sex shouldn't be worrying about which toilet to use. And we need to campaign for this to be in addition to accessible toilets.

Lozois99. It is nerve wracking. Of course it is. And one that (most) single mothers will have gone through.(the minority being the ones who decide they don't need to do that). But it gets easier. Just like every stage of parenting. It's a short steep learning curve.

This is the best answer so far (DOI, I skipped the 6 pages in the middle), and the only person that seems to suggest asking the child.

As a bloke, and for balance to the 'odds are, you'll get sexually assaulted...' attitudes', I've been using men's toilets for my entire life, and can't remember ever being exposed to anything untoward.

There's clearly a balance that varies child to child, but by the age of 6, I think you should certainly be considering letting kids use public toilets by themselves...

Where did she say boys should use the ladies indefinitely? She didn't. Stop making things up to justify your shitty comment.

Where did she say boys should use the ladies indefinitely? She didn't. Stop making things up to justify your shitty comment.

Learn some manners and reading comprehension skills.

Mine wanted to go into the gents at that age.
I just stood outside the door shouting through to them and talking so anyone knows I'm outside and I' d be in there like a flash if I thought there was anyone dodgy!
They have to start going in there at some point, and by 7 - 8 they definitely usually are

God, you're a charmer aren't you?

You could hoot at me and try to belittle my 7 year old all you liked... we'd both just think you were a daft old bat and move on with our day.

noting the comment about the poster 'challenging' boys that look over 7 in the ladies. I would hope if there was an unaccompanied child in the ladies, that we would all make sure they're safe/ok and get in/out safely. Not traumatise/upset them.

I don't think you should be calling anyone out on their manners. Your comments are downright offensive.

Presumably she takes him into changing rooms and he sees women naked is my point. I’m still not sure what the issue is with a male child seeing a penis in a non sexual situation either?

Why assume she takes him into changing rooms? The occasion may never arise. And, if she does, why assume she doesn't take him into a cubicle?

There’s no reason why not if she’s with her dad. Under 8 usually they’re expected to go in with a parent.

Generally though the ladies is much safer for a 7 yo girl unaccompanied than the gents is for an 7 yo boy. But then again, that is changing.

@fUNNYfACE36 I agree with @CellophaneFlower and we would have a good chuckle at your expense!

Female toilets are in a cubicle so the poster who mentioned young girls may not like young boys being in their space, they are not going to see anything, they are in a cubicle, behind a locked door, with their parent/carer.

@ZeroFuchsGiven fear doesn't always need to be taught, my child has severe social anxiety, his sibling does not. It's not taught, it's not anything he has picked up on from anyone else, it's there, it's a part of who he is and always has been.

but the idea of him seeing grown men using urinals,

What do you think he should do if he's out on his own with his dad? Does this suggest he's never been out on his own with his dad (because if he had then presumably his dad would have already taken him into the gents and he will already have seen grown men using urinals...).

Your son will be a grown man himself in the not-too-distant future, so seeing grown men urinate is hardly going to traumatise him.

FWIW I'm a woman and when I was little (divorced parents) my dad always took us into the gents with him as there wasn't a choice. He just told us not to stare at the men using the urinals, so we didn't. No trauma here.

I do totally get the fear about pervy men, that is a valid concern.