AIBU not to explain why a 7yr old can't go in the gents?

[FlyingPi]

I'm sure this has been discussed before. When we're out and my boy needs the toilet, I make him come into the Ladies with me. Problem is, he's starting to complain about it and wants to go in the Gents on his own. I have let him do this in one particular place where there's never anyone about, so I knew he wouldn't encounter anyone at the urinals. I'm always honest with him but I don't quite know how to explain why I'm not letting him do this anywhere else, like at the swimming pool/gym toilets.
He knows about the Pants rules and personal space and consent but I don't exactly want to spell out what I'm worried about. What do you tell your kids?

So he’s picked up on your anxiety then and is now terrified.

Ok so he knows boys toilets are for boys and girls toilets are for girls, so what is the difference outside of scool? Why is he terrified? Who has taught him this?

Sorry not totally sure what you mean by this :)

Why are people scared of 7 year old boys accompanied by their mother invading their 'private female' space? That's bloody ludicrous.

@Elsiebear90 think about it. It’s different to womens’ loos. We don’t get our genitalia out in front of others. You’re only thinking one way, about the men. The little lad will be doing so too. Surely it’s not difficult to imagine why that causes some reason to be cautious.

And I’m not sure whether you are blaming me for him being terrified, but I haven’t caused it. He is a shy boy, he has had sensory issues - it used to be a nightmare getting him to use any public toilets at all as he was so scared of hand dryers. Now he is ok, but he is anxious by nature and going into a busy public toilet or changing room alone scares him. It’s not about it being the men’s, it’s being in his own that worries him. Somewhere very quiet where he’s the only one there, he’d be fine with. And he’ll go in with his older cousins or a male adult friend if they are there. But he is an only child with no dad, so it makes it hard for us to manage. I’m trying to encourage him but pushing him too much will make him dig his heels in more and end up in refusal.

Christ I would let him. I let my 6 year old use the mens toilets. I just stand outside!

Changing rooms, I would still want him in with me at 8, but not the toilet

Presumably she takes him into changing rooms and he sees women naked is my point. I’m still not sure what the issue is with a male child seeing a penis in a non sexual situation either?

I wouldn't let my 8 year old go into the men's toilet alone. He comes with me to the ladies, or he goes in the disabled. It's a safeguarding issue. People take drugs, have sex and all sorts in public toilets. In my town theres a group of homeless men who hang out in the toilets basically all day! I can't tell who's dodgy or not and there's no way of me keeping him safe once he's in there.

Have you ever stood at a urinal ? you stand very close and there are usually privacy screens separating them and if not there’s a bit of distance. You don’t walk in there and have both your eyes gouged out by a vipers nest of cocks. It’s quite discreet and the etiquette is to not make eye contact or try and peep over. There’s a urinal selection algorithm too where each user selects a urinal which gives the most distance or most even distribution. It would feel weird to “buddy up” and dock alongside a chap when there’s a whole wall of free units to choose from for example. Unless you’re German, they do that and it can be disconcerting for the novice.

What age will your son stop using the women's or disabled toilets? When he's an adult?

This may help educate the young fellow too:

Urinal etiquette

12 YEARS OLD!!!

Are they not mortified to be going into the ladies? They’re in secondary school!! What if they see a girl from school? Do you make your 12yo daughters go into the men’s when with their dads?

There’s some utterly ludicrous and damaging attitudes on this thread.

Unless your child is disabled please don’t use the disabled toilets.

the facilities are rubbish enough workout people using them as a simple option to avoid preparing their child to use the toilet alone.

This.

For the love of God why are people sending their children into disabled loos?

Of course he can go into the gents. He is feeling uncomfortable in the ladies

I'm not bothered by 7 year old boys in the women's toilets but I think they should be allowed their independence at that age.

FFS - would all these people stop using the disabled toilets when they’re NOT disabled. Where do you get the bloody entitlement to use facilities that are provided for people with disabilities when you aren’t disabled? It is disgusting - and the same as using Blue Badge spaces when you don’t qualify for one (but then again, I bet you do that too!).

Why are people scared of 8yo boys using anywhere but the gents toilets

There's nothing wrong with a just 7 year old using the ladies with their mum. But in the next year or so he'll likely have to start using the gents so you would do well to prepare both of you for that.

Unpleasant home truths? Like what?
The thing anput challenging inappropriately aged boys in the ladies is to make them too uncomfortable to fo it in future. I always ask them if they are a girl ( which they don't like)
Hooting at mummies who are afraid that their little soldier m ay see someone using a unrinal in the gents!! How very date they!

What if a six-year-old girl doesn't want a seven-year-old boy in her toilets? What if she feels scared or uncomfortable?

What if the 10-year-old girl who has just started her period doesn't want to share the space with an eight-year-old boy?

Are they allowed to have concerns about boys sharing their personal space?

My understanding is that in the real world men don't actually spend their time looking at other men's cocks at the urinal. Because the majority of men aren't gay and the majority of gay men aren't into "watersports" and the vast majority of those that are have at least a basic grasp of the concept of respecting other people's dignity and not using public toilets as a way to get their kicks.

The majority of male flashers and peeping toms seek female victims, not male ones.

And think about the logistics of a paedophile exploiting the opportunity in a crowded/semi-crowded public toilet. It's unlikely in my opinion that they'd attack when there are lots of other men around. Generally men dislike paedophiles as much as women do. There's a greater risk in quiet public toilets that don't get much traffic where a nonce could wait in a cubicle and only come out when the coast is clear.

What is it you are particular worried about?
I agree that gents toilets are propably not very nice places - based on the ones I used to clean as a part of my holiday job, but its really not up to us ladies to judge that.