AIBU not to explain why a 7yr old can't go in the gents?

[FlyingPi]

I'm sure this has been discussed before. When we're out and my boy needs the toilet, I make him come into the Ladies with me. Problem is, he's starting to complain about it and wants to go in the Gents on his own. I have let him do this in one particular place where there's never anyone about, so I knew he wouldn't encounter anyone at the urinals. I'm always honest with him but I don't quite know how to explain why I'm not letting him do this anywhere else, like at the swimming pool/gym toilets.
He knows about the Pants rules and personal space and consent but I don't exactly want to spell out what I'm worried about. What do you tell your kids?

Anyone who has a problem with boys in the ladies should campaign for family/ single cubicle mixed toilets I don’t think any boy under 10 should be alone really.

What happens on school trips? Do all the boys go in the ladies?

Surely it’s the mothers who should be campaigning for that. Women already have toilets for themselves. A NT ten year old boy in a ladies toilet is ridiculous and frankly they would probably rather piss themselves than go in there. If you are making a ten year old boy go in to the ladies with you please stop, poor child.

Apart from the very youngest children, I don't think they're being accompanied to the toilet at all. Probably sent in in groups, but adults aren't going in with 7yos.

I too feel sorry for 10 year old boys forced to go in the ladies toilets. How to embarrass and humiliate your son. Boys deserve dignity as well.

I have sent groups of boys into public toilets in school trips. They are not the pit of depravity some imagine on here. In attractions suitable for school trips any toilets have always been incredibly busy with lots of families in and out.

@ZeroFuchsGiven . He has learnt to be terrified from somewhere, its not normal for an 8 year old child to be terrified of going to the loo.

What does he do at school?

I think the chance of there being an adult deviant in the boys school toilet is rather different. My son used to be scared to go in on his own and no it wasn't because I taught him to be scared. I actively encouraged him as he got older to use the men's toilets. Stop blaming every child's anxiety in parents you have zero clue just like your name.

the pool where I live have hundreds of small cubicles to get changed so it's a non issue, but as a child my grandad used to take me to the pool where he lives in Scotland and it was open changing rooms, as I was a kid and he took me alone i had to go into the mens. Wow. No one seemed to be bothered there was a little girl walking about I was crotch height too 😳 my grandad tried to hide my eyes as best he could. I'm not scared and nothing happened to me but had my grandad not been there.. who knows I doubt I would have been safe and if I were a boy I probably wouldn't be safe either

Which isn’t really great behaviour from you considering they almost certainly don’t want to be there and have been dragged, unwillingly by their mother and her irrational fears. Challenge the mother but the poor kid isn’t choosing to go into the ladies at that age.

What in god’s name are you on about? If your grandad had not been there you wouldn’t have been in a men’s changing room?? What did you expect a room of grown men to do scream THERE’S A GIRL IN THE CHANGING ROOM and jump up on the benches?? Bizarre post

So you're happy that someone could take your baby in the few seconds that it takes to have a piss if that baby is in the women's toilet out of your eyesight for less than a minute (but still in full earshot). But you don't think anything could happen to an 8 year old left to go into a men's toilet alone? How hypocritical.

Surely the door is open because the pram is in it?

Can you not see the difference between a baby in a pram and an 8 year old? Is that what you are saying? Omg

My son is six and still comes in the ladies with me. He also does swimming lessons and comes into the ladies changing rooms, however there is a row of private booths with curtains you can pull across and we go in one of them, and then I march him out to the pool quickly. Both to give him privacy and other women/girls. He showers with his costume still on. I have also told him that nobody is allowed to see/touch his genital area and feel confident that he knows this.

I think in a year or so I will allow him to use the mens and stand outside the door of mens toilets at restaurants etc.. and I'll have to put his swimming hat on outside of the changing room and he can do the rest himself and maybe shower when we get home. I'm not thrilled about the thought of hanging around mens toilets but I think it will feel safer than staying at a table and letting him go to the toilets by himself.

Some people on mumsnet just have no empathy for this particular fear. The reality is that little boys do get abused in toilets and it is a legitimate fear for thier mothers. I can be conscious of women's comfort and also want to protect my child from peadophiles, the two things aren't mutually exclusive.

Do not challenge the mother. Fuck off and don't make drama where none exists. Do you think an 8 year old with his mother is going to be perving over you or something? It's not sexual, he just needs a bloody poo.

No, I'm saying that in terms of risk, the latter is riskier to the child than the former. It really is. It might not feel like that. But it is.

I was afraid people would call the police or Social Services if I closed the cubicle door. I did not think my baby was in any danger at all.

There are a lot of shit men out there. But seriously, 8 year olds having a wee with their mum are not the problem. And are in fact likely to be the sensitive, anxious ones who will grow up to be kind and caring towards women. If you're gonna hate men, at least hate the right men.

A baby though is non verbal and immobile. An eight year old is verbal and mobile. There is a risk to a 8 year old boy in male toilets but it’s still very small and he can alert others.

Have you all ever been in men's toilets? FFS if they are empty and there is a queue at the women's I go in the men's as an adult women. There is never an issue. And there are never predators hiding in there.
There are public toilets that are dodgy. They are fairly easy to realise which ones they are. There are dodgy female toilets as well. I had to be totally desperate to use the toilets at the bus station for example and would not have sent a boy alone into the men's toilets there. But they are not typical.

@ funnyface36 I always ask them if they are a girl ( which they don't like)

Do you like bullying little kids? You don't know what their back story might be. Maybe they have been abused in the past. What a nasty thing to say. What do they say at school? Pick on someone your own size!

What on earth are you talking about, it is not normal for an 8 year old to be scared to go into a toilet of there own sex. The only reason being is if someone has made them scared. Parents putting their Anxiousness onto their kids.

Point proven upthread where a poster told their child that they had to go in the ladies because ' some men like to look at other people's willies and he was horrified'.

So yeah it is learnt behaviour.

Holy f that is the biggest load of sweeping generalisations I have ever read. These 8 year olds are just as likely to grow up resenting mummy and all women and take it out on them violently. What the hell planet are you on?

@Cormakorma Totally not true. Some of the worst men have way over protective mothers who minimise and excuse all their bad behaviour.

Primary school trips are rarely to busy public places like shopping centres. They tend to be to places equipt for large school groups (such as museums) and mid week when fewer members of the public are present.

School trips I've attended with nursery and reception age children (3,4,5) they've all gone to the ladies as many still need assistance and a male staff member hasn't been available.

For older school trips (years 1-6) a male staff member has attended and accompanied the boys to the men's toilets. On the one occasion a male staff member was not available (our school only has 1) the children were sent in groups of 4, and a female staff member stood outside.

So no children are in any toilets alone.