AIBU not to explain why a 7yr old can't go in the gents?

[FlyingPi]

I'm sure this has been discussed before. When we're out and my boy needs the toilet, I make him come into the Ladies with me. Problem is, he's starting to complain about it and wants to go in the Gents on his own. I have let him do this in one particular place where there's never anyone about, so I knew he wouldn't encounter anyone at the urinals. I'm always honest with him but I don't quite know how to explain why I'm not letting him do this anywhere else, like at the swimming pool/gym toilets.
He knows about the Pants rules and personal space and consent but I don't exactly want to spell out what I'm worried about. What do you tell your kids?

Wow. I didn't think this thread could go any more downhill but I think this post will do the trick. Arguments incoming.......

I presume you are joking?

Why don't you just buy a Radar key like this on eBay for a few quid and let him use disabled toilets, provided there isn't a disabled person needing it?

Because that's not what Radar keys are for?
How can you know if a disabled person wants to use the loo that your fully able child is using if they are actually IN the loo.
I think disabled people have enough challenges getting on with their daily lives w/o idiot entitled parents using facilities put in place to assist them.

☝️THIS

I work in criminal justice and you just wouldn't believe what some people are capable of.... Or just how many of them are around.

Once again unless you are disabled then don’t use the disabled toilets.

they are not an “I can’t think what else to do” option. They are there to mean those who due to their disability can’t access any other toilets. The facilities are awful enough and don’t cater for many as it is without increasing footfall even further with people who don’t need to use it.

Jesus. What about the feelings of girls and women?

let him use the facilities appropriate to his sex.

If she won’t let him go into the men’s toilets she’s hardly likely to let him go into the men’s changing rooms either. I think it’s highly unlikely that every changing room he’s been to has only had cubicles.

You’ve still not explained why a male child shouldn’t see men using a urinal.

Why? Do you sit there having a piss with the door wide open? What is so dreadful about a member of the opposite sex seeing you open a door, go into a cubicle and close the door?

It's not ridiculous at all. Have you not read pp where they explain toilets are where predators like to hide. Why is he too old to go in with his mother? What harm is a seven year old going to do?

My DS is just turned 7 and goes to the ladies with me. He's not yet asked about going to the men's but if he did, I'd just say that we only go to the toilet with a parent in public places and mum can't go in the men's and he can go alone in the men's when he is 8 or 9.

So far, he's very young for his age, he and his sister (4) still bath together and he's got no sense of privacy (we are teaching him) or embarrassment etc, still wants to hug and kiss me in front of friends etc. Once he starts to 'grow up' then I'll start teaching him about going in to the men's and personal safety when in there etc. He does already go in with his dad when needed.

This ☝️, stop being so judgey fgs!

Predators like to hide, please.
There are dodgy toilets. I would not go in them as an adult woman. They are where predators hang out. Your average toilet is not an issue.

Challenge them to what? A Pokémon battle?

😂😂😂

I have sat in a cubicle having a piss with the door partially open actually and so have loads of mums with a baby in a pram that will not fit in the cubicle. And I have had my toddlers open cubicle doors when they were young more times than I can remember.

You’ve still not explained why a male child shouldn’t see men using a urinal
Indeed

FWIW having b/g twins was quite interesting re seing both sides: instinctively I wanted to take DS with me to the ladies / changing rooms however around 8 DD started being bothered by boys being in changing rooms (not her brother ofc).
So mums of boys, please even if you feel like 8 is too young, it is not only about one little boy it is also about the girls.

I do the same OP and have explained to my DS 7 that it’s because there is a greater incidence of male dangerous behaviour from strangers so he’s safer with me. Just as I have explained my children are safer approaching another mum if lost in a public place than approaching police.

I'm not sure about the cubicle thing. I'd rather he was standing in full view of everyone at the urinals, at least that way there are plenty of others around.

Yes, I used to.

Not what this post is about but keen to see what peoples thoughts are on this.. my daughter is almost 3 and has autism. The sound of people using the hand dryers is very upsetting to her. Am I wrong to use the disabled toilet for her for this reason? It's okay if you think I am. I generally don't yet I use baby change still but it's just curious

Yes I’ve seen it before on threads about communal changing rooms “I don’t let my son go into men’s changing room because I don’t want him to see naked men in there”, it makes no sense to me. There’s even been women saying how despite their husbands changing in the men’s they still take their son with them into the ladies so he won’t have to see any men naked. So it’s okay for him to see naked women and girls, but not men? What about the girls who don’t want to see him naked? Or don’t want him seeing them naked?

I’m not saying I think a 7 year old boy shouldn’t be able to go into the ladies toilets with his mum, but I genuinely am confused about one of the reasons for this being so he doesn’t have to see men using urinals.

My son 7 won’t be sent into a men’s toilet alone. There are cases of children being raped in public toilets. This is my concern and why he doesn't go alone not trying to scare people. It’s the real world and it dose happen. He goes in the cubicles in ladies as dose everyone else so what ever people’s problem is standing next to a boy at the sink is there own. Im not risking my child’s safety so you don’t have to stand next to him. When his dads around he takes him or his older brother they are introducing him to the process of using cubicles so he will eventually go alone but do you people seriously think someone who want to assault children like this gives them the opportunity to scream or alert their parents that it’s happening. My oldest son aged 20 was passed a note under a door by another man asking for sex he’s straight so was horrified I was actually stood waiting for him then we were shopping he’s very weary of public toilets now and understands my concerns.

A lot of mummies can’t accept their lovely little boy will turn in to a hairy arsed man. It’s that simple.

There is huge difference between 7 and 18. Why are people being so flippant!

I was a girl and I'm now a woman. I couldn't care less if an 8 year old is in a cubicle with his mum while I have a wee in a different cubicle. What exactly do you think is going to happen? I'd much prefer that than a little 8 year old being faced with an adult man's penis in the men's. Some of you really have lost the plot. It's becoming cult like.

The biggest danger to children in respect of abuse is the man they share a home with. At 7 if the child wants to go in to the men’s he is old enough to. Being aware of risk is one thing but the hysteria on this thread is mind blowing.