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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect MIL to put some pyjama bottoms on on?

443 replies

BillHadersNewWife · 25/01/2023 13:07

I genuinely don't know. I had a thread about her staying with us the other day...she's 75 and has sold her house and is meant to be looking for another. She goes to bed but then gets up a few times...normal things...back and to the kitchen for a drink or to the bathroom whatever. Bur she's always wearing a t shirt and knickers...and it's not a long nightie type t shirt but one that just sits above her knickers.

I find this so...invasive or something. I just dont want to see MIL in her knickers. However...I am admittedly a bit of a prude sometimes.

Should I say something or not? Jokingly maybe?

OP posts:
Puppers · 25/01/2023 19:43

Valeriekat · 25/01/2023 19:19

Body shaming the older woman? Would you say the same about an 18 year old?

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What is ageist or "body shaming" in that quote?

Blondebakingmumma · 25/01/2023 23:16

The bathers comment is laughable. You wouldn’t go to a restaurant or shop in your bathers.

yes, some people feel comfortable wearing a shirt and underpants in their own home. HOWEVER, MIL is not in her own home. She is a guest in someone’s house.

Just because you feel comfortable wearing your underpants or no clothes in front of others, you need to consider if other people are comfortable too.

altes · 25/01/2023 23:42

Turn your heating down, she will be gone within the week

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 26/01/2023 04:17

Blondebakingmumma · 25/01/2023 23:16

The bathers comment is laughable. You wouldn’t go to a restaurant or shop in your bathers.

yes, some people feel comfortable wearing a shirt and underpants in their own home. HOWEVER, MIL is not in her own home. She is a guest in someone’s house.

Just because you feel comfortable wearing your underpants or no clothes in front of others, you need to consider if other people are comfortable too.

You would on holiday in some places.

MiddleParking · 26/01/2023 06:17

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 26/01/2023 04:17

You would on holiday in some places.

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And in others you’d be imprisoned for it. Contexts are different. What’s your point? MIL isn’t on holiday in Benidorm or whatever, she’s a guest in her son and DIL’s house in the UK, and at least one of her hosts would prefer that she didn’t walk around in her pants.

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/01/2023 06:19

SchoolTripDrama · Yesterday 13:10
Eugh! That's revolting 🤢“

Why? “Revolting”, really?

Hope she never invites you on a beach holiday.

PoseyFlump · 26/01/2023 06:33

There are some strange comments on here. Not sure how some of you cope with every day life!

@BillHadersNewWife your MIL obviously feels at ease in your company so if you do say something, be gentle.

Beachloveramy · 26/01/2023 07:08

You could look at it another way and be glad she feels so welcome and comfortable in your home.

Also would you feel uncomfortable if you saw her in a swimming costume? No different really.

mezlou84 · 26/01/2023 07:20

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest specially since the important bits are covered up lol. However if it's making you feel uncomfortable in your own home then say so x

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 26/01/2023 07:28

MiddleParking · 26/01/2023 06:17

And in others you’d be imprisoned for it. Contexts are different. What’s your point? MIL isn’t on holiday in Benidorm or whatever, she’s a guest in her son and DIL’s house in the UK, and at least one of her hosts would prefer that she didn’t walk around in her pants.

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She's doesn't know that though because the host hasn't said anything to her!!!

Hellibore · 26/01/2023 08:12

Omg everyone marches about naked if it's just family here. I can't really see the problem.

Hellibore · 26/01/2023 08:13

Honestly why on earth are you all so bothered about someone's legs?

Tyrantosaurus · 26/01/2023 08:30

@AllThingsServeTheBeam I don't really understand your position. Sure, I'd walk around my own home in underwear but not in someone else's, unless a romantic partner! Definitely not in front of my son and DIL when they're dressed normally and it's just me in knickers

Tyrantosaurus · 26/01/2023 08:31

Hellibore · 26/01/2023 08:12

Omg everyone marches about naked if it's just family here. I can't really see the problem.

This is not common and definitely not in someone else's houseShock

Do not want to see anyone naked, least of all parents, siblings or my grown up childrenShockShockShock

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 26/01/2023 08:32

Tyrantosaurus · 26/01/2023 08:30

@AllThingsServeTheBeam I don't really understand your position. Sure, I'd walk around my own home in underwear but not in someone else's, unless a romantic partner! Definitely not in front of my son and DIL when they're dressed normally and it's just me in knickers

My position is, it is no worse than swimming costumes, I couldn't get het up about it and people and families are all different. Unless the woman is told to cover up she might find it totally ok. As some wouldn't bat an eyelid.

Tyrantosaurus · 26/01/2023 08:35

Ok I get that part. I don't think it's disgusting as others have said, just can't image the confidence it takes to do it in someone else's home. Surely this isn't socially acceptable in the uk?

Hellibore · 26/01/2023 08:42

@Tyrantosaurus she's not naked!

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 26/01/2023 08:49

Tyrantosaurus · 26/01/2023 08:35

Ok I get that part. I don't think it's disgusting as others have said, just can't image the confidence it takes to do it in someone else's home. Surely this isn't socially acceptable in the uk?

Well it is in my family. And a lot of others I know. Friends, DPs. It's a human body.

Patineur · 26/01/2023 08:56

Puppers · 25/01/2023 19:02

It's not a swimming costume. It's her knickers. And she's not at the pool. She's in OP's home.

By that token it would be fine for my FIL to wander around Asda in his Speedos.

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But why is it revolting? I can see why you might think that makes it socially unacceptable, but revolting?

SnackSizeRaisin · 26/01/2023 09:00

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 25/01/2023 14:20

But it's ok on a beach or by a pool?

I still don't get the 'gross' bit?

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People don't normally wear just underwear at the beach or pool. Also mil is not at the beach or pool. If she wandering round the house in a swimming costume that would be equally inappropriate really

Patineur · 26/01/2023 09:06

SnackSizeRaisin · 26/01/2023 09:00

People don't normally wear just underwear at the beach or pool. Also mil is not at the beach or pool. If she wandering round the house in a swimming costume that would be equally inappropriate really

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But, again, why does that in itself make it grim and gross? It can't be because of the amount of flesh on show because in other contexts that in itself is perfectly acceptable.

HeadNorth · 26/01/2023 09:06

You could look at it another way and be glad she feels so welcome and comfortable in your home.

The OP doesn't want her to feel that comfortable - she wants her to move out! That is the issue, the MIL is acting like it is her home and that is clanging the alarms bells for the OP, who wants this to be temporary. I can't believe so many posters banging on about swim wear and missing the obvious issue - this is unsettling the OP exactly because the MIL is making herself so at home.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 26/01/2023 09:14

SnackSizeRaisin · 26/01/2023 09:00

People don't normally wear just underwear at the beach or pool. Also mil is not at the beach or pool. If she wandering round the house in a swimming costume that would be equally inappropriate really

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But why gross? Disgusting? Some might find it inappropriate, others don't

SnackSizeRaisin · 26/01/2023 09:15

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 26/01/2023 08:49

Well it is in my family. And a lot of others I know. Friends, DPs. It's a human body.

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So you would visit friends and walk round in your undies? Have they all got really overheated houses? I have lots of close friends and while people might nip to the bathroom in a towel I can't envisage having full on conversations wearing only my knickers and a short t shirt. At the beach we would wear swimming things

Puppers · 26/01/2023 09:17

Patineur · 26/01/2023 08:56

But why is it revolting? I can see why you might think that makes it socially unacceptable, but revolting?

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Because in my home it would imply a level of intimacy that I neither have nor desire with my MIL. I would find that revolting.

I would find a random person in their underwear in the supermarket revolting because I would experience it as a direct attempt to involve myself and other people around us in some kind of exhibitionist kink.

Context makes an enormous difference.