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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect MIL to put some pyjama bottoms on on?

443 replies

BillHadersNewWife · 25/01/2023 13:07

I genuinely don't know. I had a thread about her staying with us the other day...she's 75 and has sold her house and is meant to be looking for another. She goes to bed but then gets up a few times...normal things...back and to the kitchen for a drink or to the bathroom whatever. Bur she's always wearing a t shirt and knickers...and it's not a long nightie type t shirt but one that just sits above her knickers.

I find this so...invasive or something. I just dont want to see MIL in her knickers. However...I am admittedly a bit of a prude sometimes.

Should I say something or not? Jokingly maybe?

OP posts:
Jenasaurus · 25/01/2023 18:04

Maryquitecontrary55 · 25/01/2023 18:00

@AIBUYESYES knickers reveal lumps and bumps and maybe more than the wearer might intend.

This is my worry for this weekend, I apparently have to wear just knickers for a hot stone massage and am quite shy, but convinced this is normal and they have seen bodies of different shapes and sizes! Bit worried now :(

TerfOnATrain · 25/01/2023 18:07

This is my preferred sleepwear BUT, in my own house, and when there is only me and DH there. I would be happy to be in this state of undress with DD, she wears similar and is NHS so all body types are just bodies to her but not in front of DS who would be highly embarrassed about his middle aged mum wandering around with her baggy big knickers and cellulite.

I think she needs a longer nightie and to be respectful of your home.

Ihavehairlikeworzelgummidge · 25/01/2023 18:08

It wouldn't bother me at all OP. My elderly MIL lives with us and I see her naked on a daily basis. Help with dressing, showering, etc.
Everyone is different so if you are feeling uncomfortable in your own home, then I would say something.

Theunamedcat · 25/01/2023 18:08

Turn the heating off she will soon wear something more substantial

meloonhead · 25/01/2023 18:10

Wiluli · 25/01/2023 17:26

You are being a bit of a prune . Leave the woman alone

How is she a prune (lol) if MIL is in her house? Nothing wrong with wanting people to dress a bit less revealing in this context

Togoodtobeforgotten · 25/01/2023 18:13

As someone else said it's only like wearing a swimming costume it's no Biggie

KimberleyClark · 25/01/2023 18:13

YABU. From your thread title I thought she was wandering around completely bottomless.

meloonhead · 25/01/2023 18:13

Ihavehairlikeworzelgummidge · 25/01/2023 18:08

It wouldn't bother me at all OP. My elderly MIL lives with us and I see her naked on a daily basis. Help with dressing, showering, etc.
Everyone is different so if you are feeling uncomfortable in your own home, then I would say something.

I don't think seeing a relative naked out of necessity is the same as them strutting about in your kitchen without a care in the world. Would be prepared to see a relative naked for their care, of course.

KimberleyClark · 25/01/2023 18:15

Maybe buy her a dressing gown if it bothers you that much.

Delatron · 25/01/2023 18:17

I think we’re a bit prudish in this country.. other countries they probably happily all walk around naked and sit in saunas together.

I think using the words; gross, grim and disgusting is over the top.

Just don’t look. They probably all grew up in a more relaxed household. Everyone is different.

MojoDaysxx · 25/01/2023 18:17

i don't see a problem, but you could buy her a thin summer and thick dressing gown. That would get it covered.

Puppers · 25/01/2023 18:23

KnittedCardi · 25/01/2023 15:29

I 100% do not want to see MIL, FIL, DM, DF in their underwear

But that makes zero sense. They are family, particularly your Mum and Dad. Have you never seen them naked?? What on earth do you do on holiday? Make them cover up in a towel??

I would obviously be all of your nightmares when I get to MIL state. I only wear pants in bed. I do not own a nightdress or pyjamas. My concession to you would be to put on a t-shirt. If you are lucky I might put on a floaty dressing gown, but not done up.

Well if you were a guest in my house, you would be making whatever concessions were necessary so that I didn't feel uncomfortable in my own home. Or you'd be free to leave. Not everyone has the same boundaries and relationships that you do. My kids are very young and we are all frequently naked, showering together, getting dressed/undressed in front of each other etc. We're not prudes or repulsed by undressed bodies. But I 100% do not have a close enough relationship with my parents or in-laws to feel comfortable having them wander around my home in their pants.

IncessantNameChanger · 25/01/2023 18:27

I don't understand the swimming costume comparison. My sil.is 40 and has an absolute banging figure. She looks amazing in her bikini But I wouldn't want her walking around my house in it. Nor her undies which even cover up more than the bikini. Mil might wonder around changing rooms starkers. It's a fairly normal place to be naked. So by the same arguement is that OK? Surely the environment is key? If it was fil would that be OK? Or would a male in boxers make you feel uncomfortable in your kitchen? It's ops house. That trumps the mils comfort.

Maka21 · 25/01/2023 18:28

It sounds like she is getting from room to room while you are occupied with something else, so no biggie!

SiobhanSharpe · 25/01/2023 18:30

Yes, a gorgeous Nigella-style light dressing gown is the way to go!

unclebuck · 25/01/2023 18:33

mackthepony · 25/01/2023 13:10

Lol that's a bit much

My mil once came down to brekkie without a bra

Now I know she's French and all that but blardy Nora

Are you serious? Me, DD, DM, none of us every wear bras unless it's essential. Why does it matter?

GriddleScone · 25/01/2023 18:41

Just what I was thinking. It would be a brave person that would stop and chat in underwear in my house, they'd catch their death

Patineur · 25/01/2023 18:53

SchoolTripDrama · 25/01/2023 13:10

Eugh! That's revolting 🤢

Why? It's less revealing than a swimming costume.

Patineur · 25/01/2023 18:57

WerkinMum · 25/01/2023 13:26

I wouldn't want my mother in laws genetalia to be just a few threads of cotton away from my eyes.

YANBU.

And a swimming costume is much more robust than knickers and worn in a place where it's appropriate.

Whenever someone wears PJs their genitalia are only a few threads of cotton away from public view. People seem to cope.

Puppers · 25/01/2023 19:02

Patineur · 25/01/2023 18:53

Why? It's less revealing than a swimming costume.

Show quote history

It's not a swimming costume. It's her knickers. And she's not at the pool. She's in OP's home.

By that token it would be fine for my FIL to wander around Asda in his Speedos.

Frenulumetta · 25/01/2023 19:07

My mother likes to sit in the garden and hoist her dress up above her waist so all the neighbours can see her giant grey apple catchers "to get me legs brown" gross

MeinKraft · 25/01/2023 19:12

cantkeepawayforever · 25/01/2023 13:56

Your house is warm enough for T shirt and pants??????? That’s where the issue is…. Nobody could try that here without frostbite in unfortunate places!

Yes turn the heating off!! She'll be in fluffy pjs and an oodie before you know it.

Rubyupbeat · 25/01/2023 19:16

@DestinysGrandchild
Brilliant!

Valeriekat · 25/01/2023 19:19

SchoolTripDrama · 25/01/2023 13:10

Eugh! That's revolting 🤢

Body shaming the older woman? Would you say the same about an 18 year old?

Catspyjamas17 · 25/01/2023 19:26

MrsJBaptiste · 25/01/2023 16:21

@Catspyjamas17 What??? We’re fine with bare bodies in this house and yes, the older teens don’t walk around flashing their bodies but I wouldn’t think twice of going to the loo in the night in just vest and knickers and the boys in just their boxers. Some people just grow up in different households to others.

And some kids feel differently about it once they get to a certain age no matter how they were brought up before that. If your kids become uncomfortable about it you stop, and you also respect their privacy.

Walking around in pants and short top as a guest in the house of an extended family member is either disrespectful or she's going off her chump.