To expect MIL to put some pyjama bottoms on on?

[BillHadersNewWife]

I genuinely don't know. I had a thread about her staying with us the other day...she's 75 and has sold her house and is meant to be looking for another. She goes to bed but then gets up a few times...normal things...back and to the kitchen for a drink or to the bathroom whatever. Bur she's always wearing a t shirt and knickers...and it's not a long nightie type t shirt but one that just sits above her knickers.

I find this so...invasive or something. I just dont want to see MIL in her knickers. However...I am admittedly a bit of a prude sometimes.

Should I say something or not? Jokingly maybe?

She doesn’t live there. She’s a guest.

I also wear my underwear around my own house. I don’t do it in someone else’s house.

Personally, I think it sounds a bit territorial and that is why it is grinding your gears. She is not acting like a guest or visitor but like she is at home - in your home. You need to focus on her finding her own place. Harmonious family relationships can be stretched to breaking point by lengthy visits and close proximity, which would be a shame on all sides.

She lives there no? And she isn't parading around in front of guests. She's just ready for bed and uses the kitchen or loo.

I dont think its normal to walk around in knickers in your Son and Daughter in Law’s House. You respect what other people do in their homes and if you’re not walking around in your pants in front of her, then you would think she would be abit embarrassed walking around in hers! Its your Husband’s job to tell her that though (im sure he can find a nice/jokey way to tell her!).

I have a MIL who is formal and wouldn't do that. I think it would make me uncomfortable.

I once had a uni flat mate who paraded around in a t shirt and no underwear. She was from another country and said it was normal. The first time she did it was when I was cooking and I shouted Jesus no. Which prompted her to say what's the problem? I didn't know where to look.

I hid in my room a lot.

According to the OP, no, she doesn’t live there. She’s staying there. She’s a guest.

You are being a bit of a prune . Leave the woman alone

She wears a t shirt and pants to bed so like shortie pyjamas? At her age she grew up in the liberal 60s and it's you that are prudish. You may not find it attractive but it's the same as many teens wear.

Just tell her, politely and with good humour. 'Crikey Maggie, I hate to say this but we can all see your arse in that - it's putting me right off my muesli!'

Fwiw it's what I wear to bed.

presumably OP's husband grew up with his mum wandering about in her t-shirt and pants so to him it's utterly unremarkable. Has he commented on it at all, or is it just you who feels uncomfortable, OP?

Why don't you like it?

Can’t dh say
”For Gawds sake mother, put some clothes on. That’s not a sight for your son, or anyone to see””

There’s an invention called a dressing gown.
I don’t want to see anyone in their underwear (excluding my husband and children).

Eh, I'd ask DH to say something to her. Walking around in your underwear in someone else's house is only ok if it doesn't make the owners uncomfortable. Your house, your rules. You don't have to apologise or think it prudish - it's just your boundaries. When MIL moves into her own place, she can dress how she wants.

I'm sorry OP but this made me smile, it reminded me of my gran who did the same thing and didn't care

How do you cope at the beach or swimming pool? As long as she's not got skids in her pants then grow up 🙄

this wouldn’t bother me. Just don’t look at her when she walks in?

Why haven’t posters who are saying it’s normal for MIL so OK read the OP who has said MIL has only just started behaving like this. For the poster who scorned the pp suggesting possible dementia symptom, disinhibition definitely can be a sign as know from family member’s behaviour. Totally agree that YANBU as in your own home other people should not make you feel uncomfortable so good suggestion for DH to mention in casual way as pp said. Thought dressing gowns were perfectly normal for going round house in evenings WHATEVER age the person is. Maybe give her an old one to wear?

Can I just add I have a revulsion of seeing cats arses on show when they lift their tail as they walk past me, do they sell cat pjs I wonder :)

I think it depends on your set up and how close you are as a family, when I stay at with my DS and DIL, my DIL will sometimes sit on the loo with the door open chatting to me, they also tell me to leave the door open when I take a bath as the cats like to come in and say hello! I do wear PJs and dont try and expose myself mind you, but my DIL works with the elderly and sees many half naked people so I guess seeing my 57 year old legs and arse probably wouldnt shock her so much.

Having said this its what you are comfortable with in your own home, if I was you and felt like this I would get online on the Chelsea Peers site and choose some lovely velour PJs as a gift for her, there is 50% off at the moment, I have just treated myself to some giraffe ones.

I thought you were going to say she was just wearing a vest or top! An old aunt of dh - 80 something at the time - was once staying, and evidently didn’t give a toss about walking from bathroom to bedroom in just her vest! It was not a pretty sight, but it didn’t bother me.

Another time, in her own flat, I saw her coming from the bathroom with her Zimmer frame, knickers round her ankles and a fag hanging out of her mouth! 😂

@AIBUYESYES knickers reveal lumps and bumps and maybe more than the wearer might intend.

I wouldn’t like it and it’s your house so tell her to cover up. I don’t know why some on here are so keen to know why you don’t like it, presumably they’re the type who think they’re right about everything and no one else can have a different opinion.

The dementia comments, although probably not this, my own experience with my DM. She lost all inhibition when she grew older and when we popped over often found her naked in the middle of the day without a care in the world who saw her, she was previously very shy so this was a complete contrast, so could be if this was a change in behaviour for her. Sadly this was the start of a very sad road.