She has a Gucci belt, but lives with her parents

[Shallowshallowness]

New mum in the mums group, seems a bit up her own bum about designer labels and clothes etc. She’s often a bit sneery and definitely does that withering looking you up and down type of thing.
Her, m her Dh and kids, live with her parents in a big house, she dives their spare Land-rover car and they pay her dc’s school fees.
Aibu to think she’s got a bit of a nerve to act high and mighty when none of it is her money and the rest of us earn money to pay our own mortgages, bills and cars and therefore maybe don’t own a Gucci belt 🙈😅

Isn't this exactly what ur doing?? Who cares where she gets the money from? Ma y have parents pay school fees and no one ever knows. I honestly don't get the point of Yr thread.

It's you who sounds sneery...

Rich people don't wear brands. I feel sorry for her.

She might not be sneering, she might have really bad anxiety and just wants to withdraw a bit from the sneery, judgey mums.

Rich people do wear brands. Some people just opt for more subtle logos. I think one has to be quite well off to fork out for a blingy 8k chanel handbag as they do if they are buying a more expensive subtle logo quota bag from Hermes. The brands target rich people as a given.

Be careful of jumping to conclusions about what others are thinking OP no one is psychic.

I've been accused of being a snob in the past by a not very nice person and even worse crime of talking posh!

The sad thing is that I wasn't "looking down" on anyone, I was just miles away in my own world getting on with my life and my accent is hardly received pronunciation and even if it was why the hell should I change it! I wouldn't dream of saying someone's accent isn't posh enough.

Amazing. You can tell that people are thinking about Gucci belts just from the way they look at you?

How very fortunate you are not a Judgy Mcjudgeypants, eh OP?

Hmm… sounds like your main issue is that this girl is looking you up and down, which is causing you to feel looked down upon?

To be honest that’s completely your issue. You sound slightly paranoid and probably have low self-esteem. You ASSUME she’s thinking negatively about you, then you rip into her personal circumstances to slag her off.

Just because you weren’t wearing designer gear doesn’t mean she wasn’t thinking, “she looks nice” - designer is actually irrelevant.

Unless she starts to make silly comments, such as emphasising her designer goods, or other comments which seem snobby, I wouldn’t judge her based on ‘the look’ she gives.

I’ve got ‘Common People’ on autoplay in my head now.

AAAAAAArgh!

There's nothing worse than someone looking you up and down thinking they're better than you. Even worse when they are a spoilt brat being supported by the bank of mum and dad.

Oh, so you think you are better than all of us belt-wearers, with your non-falling-down trousers, eh?

To be honest, I did have a bit of a problem in the beginning with my trousers falling down, but then I became a bigger person.

Has she said she looks down on you all or is that just a perception and your own insecurity showing? You seem to have noted a lot of things she has that you perceive as markers of someone in a financial bracket above you and feel a need to be very clear that she only has them because she happens to have a well off family.

Lots of, if not all people with money and privilege are where they are and have what they have as a result of it or the opportunities it presents. At the end of the day I know of nobody that would turn down this support from their family, the use of a nice vehicle or a saving on rent. I certainly have or had none of those things and would love to have had (with the exception of the Gucci belt which I'd not be seen dead in) but I don't.

I'd just think she was fortunate, chalk it up to being good for her and get on with my own life. Being a new mum is difficult whatever belt you have on so there's no benefit to creating this divide. Are you really saying that every single other mother in that room does not benefit from any family support or childcare or the huge benefits that come with being in a couple (with potentially also a higher earning partner) and having two people to pay the mortgage and bills etc vs being a single person or parent.

I'd cop on to yourself on this one OP and just go up to her and start a chat and get to know her properly rather than waste time on this presumption and the negativity it's created.

ME TOO.

she studied sculpture at St Martin’s college etc etc…

I think I know her. Sounds annoying, but that is the way to preserve family wealth. All live together in an owned house. This is how families have operated for hundreds of years. Never move house as moving costs money. Hand the house down through the generations.... unless someone dies unexpectedly then they might have to sell it to pay the IHT.

I think you have a you problem. Its a toddler group, just talk to the others. Its not that hard.

Judgy much OP? 🙄

You are being as judgmental as you think she is. What's wrong with staying with your parents?

Maybe this is not even relevant, but the richest people I know do let their parents pay for lots of things because they all have so many millions between them that it really doesn't matter.

I learned years ago to laugh about people like this. I've been far, far happier since I took myself firmly in hand, and told myself, "Self, you cannot control what others do or say, you can only control your own response to it. Laugh it off, and remember, everything you have, you earned. Everything she has, she was given. You are far, far richer than she is, in so many ways."

This is one of the many reasons I never engaged with any "Mum's groups".

If she really is looking you up and down and you are judging the hell out of her too (the jealousy is just dripping from every word) none of you sound like people I would want to spend any time with.

Mayhe you're sitting there with a face like a cat's bum?

Yeah! It was the ‘woodchip’ comment that did it!🫣

I spent 10 years at primary school gates and I never once got judged on my belt. Didn't ever feel as if I was inferior to anyone, even the one time my 3 yo puked literally everywhere in the playground, to the point it seemed like his head was spinning. Unless they're actually saying, "Oh. MY. God. Your belt is like, ewww" don't presume they're thinking it and just wave, drop off and go on your way.